A basketball hoop

[Pepuchin]

Hi everybody, I hope you can help me, I am feeling really bad now.

After living together for 1 year, my now ex GF decided to break up with me. We had an argument on June 8th, and like many, many times before, she said that the only solution we had was to break up and separate. She and her kid stayed in the house (Living in the kid's bedroom) until the 20th, when she was looking for another place to move. It was really, really hard for me to deal with that situation, after all that time together, looking at them as estrangers. The boy (teenager) went to stay with his friend for some days... and when we found us alone, I tried to talk to her and persuade her (one more time) to stay, it was late because she found a place and also she did'nt want anything with me. At that time I was very upset too, because apparently I didn't do anything wrong (on the other hand, I tried to be the perfect BF and Father while together).

She was supposed to move on the 20th and couple of days before I went to my sister's house and stayed there for three days... I didn't want to see her moving out. When I came back home on the 21st, she left already and I found a note saying "thanks my love for everything... call me". I felt really bad and I called her at night. After some chatting/crying she said that she couldn't sleep and ask me to pick her up. I went and she spent the night in my house. It was nice, in the morning we made love. Next night, the same thing... but this time, she got upset when Iasked to make love again. She was supposed to come over next night but she called me saying that a friend of hers (female) was going to stay at her new place and that she "was not going to be available for me"

 

Since then 24th, I tried to call her many times but she never answered until I stop doing it (calling) and then she started calling me but I could'n't answer and when I called back she didn't answer. I got upset about that and I stopped calling at all until I got a message from her saying that she wanted something she forgot at my house and her mail too. Among one of the things she left in my house is A BASKETBALL HOOP.

She left a message in my house phone saying that she will go to pick the things up on Monday July 4 at 11:00 am. everything except the basketball hoop because her son will do it another day. I called her back and said that it was fine but I was not going to be there because I had to leave the house at 10:00. when I was about to leave the house, she came in a truck (she doesn't drive) with a guy... As soon as I saw her, I felt sooooo bad, 1. because I was happy to see her, and 2. confused thinking that she already had someone.

 

My first words, after we kissed hi were "who is he" and I didn't realize that the guy is a coworker of hers and very soon, she starter denying she has something with him. Then I ask her to tell him to leave that I was going to drop her at her house. (Stupid me!!) all this happened while we were hugging and kissing and saying that we missed each other.... She ask me to tell the guy to leave.. she was crying a lot at that time and I did so. The guy left. After a minute or so, he called to her cell phone to ask her if she was OK, she said, don't worry "Sr." I am fine, thanks.

 

After that the only thing she did was to cry and cry... and say she needed to go, but not with me, she was going to take the bus. I Tried to kiss her and hug her and she didn't want anything.... What?!!! five minutes ago she was doing it!!! WTF!.

 

 

She left the house VERY upset she was going to take the bus... I left after her. Ten minutes later I called to see If she was OK, but not, she was bad and she was complaining that I didn't take her home. I came back, after looking for her a lot, I found her and take her home. She didn'y want to talk to me during the trip. In the afternoon I called and she said that I could call her but not soon. Since Monday, I am struggling with myself to call or not to call...

 

Do you think she is with that guy? I remember that a couple of times when I went to pick her up from work they were talking outside the building where she was waiting for me (the smoking area)... she always said that they were there by coincidence, that the guy came out to smoke.

 

It is very hard, I know I love that girl, I dream with her a lot and it is very hard to be alone at home. I don't know how to deal with it... any advise

 

Sorry for the long post, I had to vented it.

[lvgrl]

Well I think before you can figure out what to do about this, she needs to get her head straight. She seems to be very emotionally confused about whatever. Its like one minute she is sorry and hugging and kissing you, and the next its to want nothing to do with you.

 

As far as the other guy goes, thats hard to tell..She might be, but it might not be as serious as what you are thinking, they could just be talking or maybe have gone out outside of work..Im not sure. I guess thats one of those things that if you dont see for yourself, you will never know..

 

But she sounds like she needs a good sense knocked into her. Sit her down somewhere she cant just get up and walk out, talk to her about all of this..Thats all you can do..Cause she is never going to know how you feel unless you talk to her about it..

 

Maybe you can find out from a co-worker of hers if she is seeing him?

[Merin]

While there are 3 sides to every story His, Hers and what actually happened.. from what you've said here your GF sounds like she thrives on drama.. this is never a good thing.

 

Honestly it isn't a wonder you're feeling like a mess at this point.. she has given you a lot of mixed messages and hot/cold behaviour.. it's hard to tell if you're coming or going..

 

I think your GF likes the drama.. I think she likes to push your buttons and keep you and herself on an emotional rollercoaster..

 

I dunno.. I guess the bottomline is you say you love her so if this were me in this situation and I felt I needed to give it one more go before letting go then I would sit her butt down and tell her that either the 2 of you are going to work on this relationship without running away or it needs to end.

 

Good Luck

[Pepuchin]

Thanks IVGRL,

When we were still living together and having problems I talked a lot to her about my feelings and the things you said. The last argument we had it was because I was looking for Couple conseling. she said she did not want to go. So she showed that she was not interested in the relationship.

I don't really want her back.... I want to avoid contact her but it is very hard and I know I have to do it since she will be back anytime to pick the hoop up.

I tried to understand her many times, but I couldn't. She move out from the house, where they have everything to a place where they only have a bed and their clothes. .... what is she thinking??

Well only she knows

 

thanks for your reply

[Pepuchin]

Merin, thanks for your post.

I thinks it is the end.

I should ask this way.... What do you guys think I should do about the Basketball hoop? which is aoutside in my driveway nad it needs to be disassamblled to be carried.

 

a. Take it appart and take it to her place

b. Take it appart and call her to pick it up

c. wait for her to pick it up... be there to help her (them) out

d. do nothing and wait until she does what she needs to do

 

This is somehow important to me because it makes me think that we still have something that relates us.

It is like a splinter in my toe and makes me think about her.

 

I am still fighting with myself and trying to/not to call her.

HELP please...

[Pepuchin]

All day long, especially when I get home at evening I am very tempted to call her. I would like to know how is she doing... how is the kid doing. I know I don't have to contact her. She doesn't. Every time my cruel idea that she is with the guy is killing me. I know That I don't want anything else with her, but i love her and it is being very hard to deal with the idea that it is over... Only the good memories come to my mind WHY?????

[Pepuchin]

but if anybody want to help me, thanks!

 

I called to her today. I was doing great not contacting her, it was really hard but at the same time painful.

I did it because I wanted to let her know about my idea to take the basketball hoop to her place. I think I really want to close businesses with her and close the door.

When I hear her voice it was hard to avoid expresing my feelings. I told her how much I still love her and miss them. She is pretty much indiferent. And she said she is very very happy living alone. She also said that I never loved her (she said that many time before) but this time I insisted to know why she feels that. Her answer: "because all the fights" As I promised, I didn't reply to her answer, just learnt a little more about our relationship.

After I talked to her, her dad called (from overseas) and it was obvious that he doesn't know about our separation. I did not tell him anything, I just suggest him to call her cell phone. I felt really bad because her family like me a lot and they all thought that I was a good person for her. I remember one time when we were about to break up, I called to her aunt and told her that was happening. She called to my exGF and told her that she has to do more for the relationship. (Well, I didn't called the aunt to do that, just to let her know that I was about to jump out of the boat). That was one of the worst things I did, because since then, every little argument became bigger just because she was acusing me to tell our problems to everybody. I just maybe should stick with you guys telling you my problems... but NOBODY REPLIES TO MY POSTS!!!!

Well, anyways, I will see her for the last time, taking the basketball hoop to her place and "close the door" as my brother in law says. I really love and miss them, but it is something that cannot be. I pray for her and her happiness. I am working on mine.

P