Say anything before NC?

[Frozensushi]

Love it, love it, love it!!

 

Just understand, like any bad addiction, you'll have good days and bad days.

 

I simply can't imagine how I'd of done if I sat home for 6 months "healing" vs. getting back on the damn dating horse. Of course, everyone needs to progress at their pace. I'm just sharing what worked for me.

 

 

Thank you, once again for the advice. I'm at the one month period and have been doing a lot of soul-searching. During this first month, the sex\friendship\texting withdrawals were pretty harsh. The emotional gauntlet I faced each day was brutal. I did get on a few dating sites and started chatting. I needed to fill the void.

 

Like I mentioned previously, something happened to me a few days ago. My desire for companionship suddenly vanished. It's like the thought of dating anyone or having sex was a big "Meh". The candy coating over my memories with my Ex is starting to erode and I'm beginning to realize what a horrible situation I was in.

 

My relationship with my Ex really screwed me up, it defeated me. All the things I used to do ceased and in place I was living for her. No matter how much I gave it was never good enough. I kept trying to win her love and affection. Little did I know it was a fruitless endeavor in a no win situations. It took its toll on me. I NEVER want to make that mistake again.

 

The thought of taking some time to find myself again feels empowering. I not only want to regain what was lost but also enhance and improve upon myself in every facet.

 

This feels like the right direction for me at the moment and I'm going with it. The taste of indifference I already have for my Ex is proof enough of that.

 

Also, the bad days I experience now pale in comparison to what I was going through with my Ex. The pain I experienced then was brutal. 'This' I can handle!

[Satu]

I'm on my first day of NC, I'm determined to last this one out. The longest I have gone before is a week, if I make it a month I truly believe that I will heal and be ready to move on. What was the worst weeks for everyone in NC? I'm guessing the first week will be the worst, but I'd like to think it only gets better

 

Don't count the days.

 

It makes them longer.

 

 

Take care.

[Selynn]

I think the hardest part of it all, is that it doesn't seem to be affecting her whatsoever. She's blocked me out, after a year and a half. And not once did I ever see her upset, when I was crying my eyes out infront of her, all she could do was sit there. I get that she checked out of the relationship a long time ago, and that's why it doesn't hurt as bad. Also she's moved down to London for uni and its freshers week just now, I probably have not crossed her mind once. Is it really that easy to walk away from someone like they didn't exist. I think that's what hurts the most, and not the initial break up.

[preraph]

So I have broken up with my ex two months ago. She's moved on and found someone else, however I'm still hurting. I sent her an email tonight that was so well worded and said I wished her the best and that I had been a better person during my time with her, that was supposed to be closure. Add some alcohol and I drunk dialed her, about the new person she's with, of course she hung up and told me not to call her. Me being stupid and drunk, decided it was best to leave her three voicemails to explain that I was hurt with how she's treated me. I sent her an email afterwards to apologise (as I'm blocked on everything else). I'm so stupid. I never should have called her, and now I look like an idiot. Has this ever happened to anyone? How do you regain your respect?

 

You don't ever regain HER respect, so just STOP. Work on regaining your own self-respect so you don't humiliate yourself again. It's done. I'm sorry it hurts, but respect her by leaving her alone like she wants you to do.

[preraph]

I think the hardest part of it all, is that it doesn't seem to be affecting her whatsoever. She's blocked me out, after a year and a half. And not once did I ever see her upset, when I was crying my eyes out infront of her, all she could do was sit there. I get that she checked out of the relationship a long time ago, and that's why it doesn't hurt as bad. Also she's moved down to London for uni and its freshers week just now, I probably have not crossed her mind once. Is it really that easy to walk away from someone like they didn't exist. I think that's what hurts the most, and not the initial break up.

 

By the time she broke up with you, she was already done going through any emotional things she had at the time. Now she's done. Stop caring what she thinks.

[Blanco]

It's a blow to the go when someone who cared deeply about you walks away with seemingly no trouble and never looks back. Thing is, you don't know what's going on in her head. I'm reluctant to say that, since I don't want you to interpret that to mean she will come back. What I am saying, though, is that rational people don't end long-term relationships on a whim.

 

Trust me when I say that it would do you no favors if she were openly weeping and showing signs of regret for her decision. You think that would be better, but all it would do is keep you stuck, because you'd use those things as a rationalization for why she will come back.

[Selynn]

So I have started NC going into day 3. The last communication we had (quite embarrassing) I called her while drunk, hid my caller ID because I'm blocked everywhere. I asked to speak to her and she actually replied with "who is this?" I think she knew who it was. She was out too and was probably also drunk, she hung up on me as soon as I said who it was. Her mum also text me and asked that I don't contact her, I replied and apologised, told her that it certainly won't happen again. I love this girl more than anything in the world, I genuinely believe that if she didn't have to move away then we would still be together. Our relationship was perfect, she evened me out completely. She's moved on and it doesn't seem to be affecting her whatsoever. I sent my last email wishing her well with her new partner, and to keep the concert tickets that I paid for us to go. I know she has read the email, maybe even more than once and she hasn't deleted it. I'm hoping that stepping back and giving her space will allow her to realise that I was a big part of her life. She's stubborn as all hell, so I probably will not receive a call. I've watched her be treated horribly by people, and she still keeps them on social media. I've never treated her badly, yes I fought for our relationship because I loved her and wanted to make it work. I will use NC to better myself, and move on. I have a distant hope that one day she will want to talk, I have so many questions. This isn't a healthy approach to NC, but I can't turn my feelings off. I feel like I'm now just spending my days waiting for her to get in contact, even though I know it'll never happen. All I ever want to do is lock myself in a room and just avoid everything, I've written her letters that range from always loving her, to telling her I hate her. I don't know what I feel anymore

Edited September 24, 2016 by Selynn

[preraph]

She probably cared at one time, but she doesn't love you anymore and has moved on.

[luke001]

Ok check out my post, im going through similar things.

 

You and I have set our bar so low that they know they can get us back in a snap of their fingers so they look at us as needy and obsessive. Only thing we can do is wait and keep busy hoping or not hoping

[NopeNah]

Bro, take some time to yourself and RELAX. Have no idea how old you are but, that doesn't matter. Should maybe(never) drunk dial her again? Consider it at it's face value, OVER, and begin to start moving on from this "one"... no offense ladies.

[NopeNah]

Ok check out my post, im going through similar things.

 

You and I have set our bar so low that they know they can get us back in a snap of their fingers so they look at us as needy and obsessive. Only thing we can do is wait and keep busy hoping or not hoping

 

Now that's just a sad bar to set! Why would they want you back? Why would you wait... and what exactly are you waiting for? Scraps?

[luke001]

Now that's just a sad bar to set! Why would they want you back? Why would you wait... and what exactly are you waiting for? Scraps?

I am waiting for all her promises like that we would stick together through anything. She just doesnt think I can change but if I changed and or she misses me enough she will come back.

[NopeNah]

I am waiting for all her promises like that we would stick together through anything. She just doesnt think I can change but if I changed and or she misses me enough she will come back.

I'm also waiting on a lottery ticket to make me a multi millionaire, or to get struck by lightning twice..

 

Let me ask you this, not to derail op's thread but, what changes?

[Selynn]

I am waiting for all her promises like that we would stick together through anything. She just doesnt think I can change but if I changed and or she misses me enough she will come back.

 

I got everything out of my system tonight. I sent the last ever communication to her, an email to apologise for my behaviour during and post break up. I'm someone to own up for their mistakes, I wasn't a nice person and I never respected her decision for space. I understand that now, this apology was for me to let that go. To move on. The ball is in her court, if she wishes to contact me then she can. It does not mean that I plan to reply. I just wanted to apologise to her. Hopefully she can forgive me in time. We probably won't get back together

[Humantk]

Dude I had my GF on a pedestal like you guys did. It'll only hurt you. Focus on yourself. She dumped you. She's with someone else. The only thing in this universe thats valuable is time. Its everyone and everythings master. Use it.

 

I planned a hiking trip and a bought tickets to a NY Giants football game, lve never been to a Giants game even though Im a big fan. And normally I would be planning anything with my GF. All my free time and extra money went towards doing stuff with her. But now I get the chance to take my father. The last time my father went to a football game he saw ARCHIE Manning play, he went with his dad. Now he gets to go watch ELI Manning with his son. Thats such an amazing opporunity for us both. I also hang out more with my brother now then for the last 5 years when I was with my ex. So many amazing opportunites have opened up.

 

I know it sucks because all you want to do is wallow in a dark room somewhere. But you gotta realize this is an opportunity to strengthen so many other aspects of your life. SHE WAS NOT YOUR LIFE. NO HALF MEASURES!

[aloneinaz]

I got everything out of my system tonight. I sent the last ever communication to her, an email to apologise for my behaviour during and post break up.

 

This was absolutely unnecessary and yet another attempt for you to engage with her, hoping she'd respond.

 

I never respected her decision for space. I understand that now, this apology was for me to let that go.

 

And you're still not respecting her decision and you still don't understand that.

 

The ball is in her court, if she wishes to contact me then she can. It does not mean that I plan to reply. I just wanted to apologise to her. Hopefully she can forgive me in time. We probably won't get back together

 

Here is where you're not listening to anyone and are being selfish. It's all about you and what YOU need. She's dumped you and asked for space yet you continue to smother her and make ridiculous excuses to justify todays contact with her.

 

Listen, you sound young. We are all trying to help you here but you have to listen. You're doing the extreme opposite of what you should be doing. She dumped you. That means she no longer cares HOW YOU FEEL. She asked for space yet you continue to smoother her by looking desperate, pathetic and meek. You couldn't possible look any more unattractive to her. You need to worry that she may think you're being a stalker.

 

Find your pride and self respect my friend and leave her alone.

[NopeNah]

Dude I had my GF on a pedestal like you guys did. It'll only hurt you. Focus on yourself. She dumped you. She's with someone else. The only thing in this universe thats valuable is time. Its everyone and everythings master. Use it.

 

I planned a hiking trip and a bought tickets to a NY Giants football game, lve never been to a Giants game even though Im a big fan. And normally I would be planning anything with my GF. All my free time and extra money went towards doing stuff with her. But now I get the chance to take my father. The last time my father went to a football game he saw ARCHIE Manning play, he went with his dad. Now he gets to go watch ELI Manning with his son. Thats such an amazing opporunity for us both. I also hang out more with my brother now then for the last 5 years when I was with my ex. So many amazing opportunites have opened up.

 

I know it sucks because all you want to do is wallow in a dark room somewhere. But you gotta realize this is an opportunity to strengthen so many other aspects of your life. SHE WAS NOT YOUR LIFE. NO HALF MEASURES!

 

Read it!!! And read it again.....

[Blanco]

So I have started NC going into day 3. The last communication we had (quite embarrassing) I called her while drunk, hid my caller ID because I'm blocked everywhere. I asked to speak to her and she actually replied with "who is this?" I think she knew who it was. She was out too and was probably also drunk, she hung up on me as soon as I said who it was. Her mum also text me and asked that I don't contact her, I replied and apologised, told her that it certainly won't happen again. I love this girl more than anything in the world, I genuinely believe that if she didn't have to move away then we would still be together. Our relationship was perfect, she evened me out completely. She's moved on and it doesn't seem to be affecting her whatsoever. I sent my last email wishing her well with her new partner, and to keep the concert tickets that I paid for us to go. I know she has read the email, maybe even more than once and she hasn't deleted it. I'm hoping that stepping back and giving her space will allow her to realise that I was a big part of her life. She's stubborn as all hell, so I probably will not receive a call. I've watched her be treated horribly by people, and she still keeps them on social media. I've never treated her badly, yes I fought for our relationship because I loved her and wanted to make it work. I will use NC to better myself, and move on. I have a distant hope that one day she will want to talk, I have so many questions. This isn't a healthy approach to NC, but I can't turn my feelings off. I feel like I'm now just spending my days waiting for her to get in contact, even though I know it'll never happen. All I ever want to do is lock myself in a room and just avoid everything, I've written her letters that range from always loving her, to telling her I hate her. I don't know what I feel anymore

 

 

Blah blah blah blah blah. UGH!

 

Listen, if your relationship was perfect, you wouldn't have an account here. No one is saying to turn off your feelings, but for the love of god, stop contacting here before you become her "crazy ex-boyfriend."

[Selynn]

This was absolutely unnecessary and yet another attempt for you to engage with her, hoping she'd respond.

 

 

 

And you're still not respecting her decision and you still don't understand that.

 

 

 

Here is where you're not listening to anyone and are being selfish. It's all about you and what YOU need. She's dumped you and asked for space yet you continue to smother her and make ridiculous excuses to justify todays contact with her.

 

Listen, you sound young. We are all trying to help you here but you have to listen. You're doing the extreme opposite of what you should be doing. She dumped you. That means she no longer cares HOW YOU FEEL. She asked for space yet you continue to smoother her by looking desperate, pathetic and meek. You couldn't possible look any more unattractive to her. You need to worry that she may think you're being a stalker.

 

Find your pride and self respect my friend and leave her alone.

 

Thanks for your advice. I needed a bit of tough love. I've realised that the email never actually sent and is saved in my drafts, I'm so thankful now that I never sent it! I'm going to keep doing NC, she doesn't need to know I'm sorry for anything, I never got one apology from her. Looking back our relationship wasn't all that great, and she wasn't the best person out there. Think I just cared more than she did.

[Selynn]

I have started NC on my ex, we broke up two months ago, however we had LC within that time. I made all the mistakes in the book, begging and pleading, which resulted in her blocking me.

 

Now she hasn't been that great either, and the way she has treated me has been disgusting. She used me in the months before the breakup as a support and lied to my face consistently. However I never highlighted this.

 

She gets to move away to uni, with her new friends and new life. And she gets to feel like the way she behaved was acceptable. I know this sounds incredibly immature, but starting no contact with the feelings I have at the minute has been so difficult. I do not want her back, nor do I want a friendship. I just want her to understand that her lies didn't go unnoticed and I'm no longer a pushover or an option to her.

 

I'm stuck between sending her a letter to get all of my feelings out and asking her not to contact me again, and to pull her up for her actions, or to just stay NC? I've heard that silence talks louder.

[Crila16]

NO!!!! Absolutely not. No you don't send another letter before you start NC. When someone wants to be with you, nothing will keep them away. She walked away from you, I'm assuming? Think about it. You send another pathetic sappy email or txt to her...how do you think she's going to respond??? She's not, or she'll tell you the same thing she's been telling you. She doesn't want it. She's also going to take your txt and show it to all her friends, and they all laugh and giggle about how in love with her you are, and how pathetic you sound. She's treated you poorly. Have some respect for yourself. She's shown you who she really is. Why don't you want to believe her? She was great at the beginning and I know you want that girl back...but that girl isn't who she really is. You've seen who she really is...and she's not nice. If you don't learn to put up boundaries for how a person treats you, people will take advantage of you.

 

Another thing...she's just a person. Take away her hair and skin. She's a body, no different than any person walking down the street. Would you allow a guy friend to treat you this way? If the answer is no...don't let this chick treat you this way.

[Frozensushi]

I know you want to tell her the things that are in your heart. If she really cared about you none of this would have ever come to pass in the first place. She would have realized she hurt you wanted to work things out.

 

People like this will always be the victim. They don't have the self-awareness nor the logic required to even consider that they might be at fault. She's no longer your problem. I know it's hard, but just do it.

 

I finally changed my phone number today and it felt really good.

[Riverside12]

Write a letter on a paper. Than burn it. Trust me, u ll feel better. Anytime u want to write to her, do this. It helped me not texing my ex ex bf and also as therapy for all the unsaid things.

 

Hugs

Edited September 26, 2016 by Riverside12
Mispelled

[preraph]

How many people have to tell you to STOP contacting her and move on? You are obsessed and it's not healthy. You need to pull yourself together and respect that woman's wishes and leave her alone. You're becoming stalkerish.

[Selynn]

I know you want to tell her the things that are in your heart. If she really cared about you none of this would have ever come to pass in the first place. She would have realized she hurt you wanted to work things out.

 

People like this will always be the victim. They don't have the self-awareness nor the logic required to even consider that they might be at fault. She's no longer your problem. I know it's hard, but just do it.

 

I finally changed my phone number today and it felt really good.

 

I can't wait to be at the stage of changing my number and feeling good, I commend your strength! I guess I just need to accept that I will never get an apology. I understand that I never should have pushed her when she asked for space, but she cut me out so fast and never really gave me a reason for it. Then continued to lie to me about everything. I felt like the bad person for so long, that it's finally just hit me that she's the one In the wrong. It's replaced my hurt with anger.