birdgirl Posted July 7, 2005 Posted July 7, 2005 I've been dating someone for a few months, and we're finally officially a couple, and using the girlfriend/boyfriend title. Things are, for the most part, great. The only thing is, he doesn't want to tell his family we're dating immediately. He lives with them still, since he's only 22 and just out of college. He's worried that they're not going to approve of me, because he's 22 and I'm 28, and also because I'm a smoker. I can kind of understand the age difference, but his dad is a smoker, and my boyfriend is also an ex smoker. I've told him I do not plan to smoke for the rest of my life. Certainly not when I have kids, but hopefully much sooner. He says he's worried about the worst-case scenario, that he'd have to choose between them and me. I think this is completely insane. He is happy with me, and we treat each other well. Which is more than I can say for his ex. The weird thing is, he had me over their house and I've met them. But as far as they know, I'm just his "friend." I am bothered by this. I asked him if maybe he should be dating someone he's proud of, and he said that's a stinging statement. I know he's young... and I also was afraid my family wouldn't approve of our age difference, but I told them months ago when he and I weren't serious. And they're fine with it. I'm wondering if anyone else would be bothered by this, and how long I should let it go on for, before I become really bothered.
Skeered Posted July 7, 2005 Posted July 7, 2005 I personally would be bugged by this..but from what you have said about him he seems like he's still immature and under his parents wing...it shouldn't matter if you smoke, drink whatever you are both adults.. Just out of curiosity is he a momma's boy? and if so make sure he's not lookin for a mom replacement... just a thought...
Merin Posted July 7, 2005 Posted July 7, 2005 Yes I would be upset and offended.. To begin with he is an adult why would he need his parents permission regarding who to date.. Secondly you cannot change your age no more than he can.. if this was/is an issue for him then IMO he should not have began dating you to begin with.. Third, I'm assuming he knew you smoked when he met you? Not that you cannot quit if YOU choose to, but yeah again if this was a deal breaker for him then why start dating right? For me if my BF didn't want others to know about me (Especially his family who is important to him) I would be hurt and insulted straight up. Regardless if your BF thinks it's a "stinging statement" or not.. it is how you feel, and IMO he isn't doing anything to prove you wrong.
Author birdgirl Posted July 7, 2005 Author Posted July 7, 2005 He knew I smoked and also knew my age. He would like me to quit, but he isn't pressuring me. I want to quit -- definitely before I have kids, if not sooner. And seeing how that's his only real complaint about me, I understand and will quit when I'm ready. He admitted that he's being weak, worrying so much what they think. I just think it's hilarious that his ex treated him like crap AND smoked and his family was glad to see her go... and he and I have the beginnings of a very healty, happy relationship, and he's worried they will somehow not approve. And I think it's funny that his dad manages cigar stands at gas stations in my area. So his family is living off the tobacco industry. A tad hypocritical, don't you think? He told me yesterday that I'm "such a great catch" and even said he loves me DURING sex... I told him as long as he's happy and being treated well, what can they say? To my knowledge, I've never had someone's family not approve of me. I know that he's a grave pessimist, and I have a strong suspicion that his family will be fine with me. He also said he's known to worry a lot about nothing. I swear, I want to walk, knowing I am dating someone who's not DYING to show me off to his family! Though I did meet them... but I'm just a "friend." Argh!
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