hhhmmm Posted September 26, 2016 Posted September 26, 2016 I know this has been asked a thousand times but thought I would throw my situation in for some input. Background: We have been working together for about a year and a half now and I am her direct supervisor. Within the first 3 months or so I started having the thought that she had feelings for me. This was based on her constantly coming to see me with a few simple work questions then staying for extended periods to talk about everything non-work related, excessively laughing at my jokes, the cliched hair playing with, and that damn vibe women throw off in this situation. Well, I just ignored this and then about 6 months into our time together I realized I had developed feelings for her. I initially chocked this up as some silly crush and figured it would pass. Boy, was I wrong. Really, really wrong. I'm not the type to do stuff like this and have never been in this situation before with any of my staff. The problem I find is that when we are together, everything else really doesn't seem to matter any more. Never met anyone like that in all my years in respect to her intelligence, humor, odd yet amazingly beautiful quirks and so on ans so forth.. We will be sitting talking about something, anything really and the feeling I get looking into her eyes is honestly the most intimate, loving feeling I have felt in pretty much my whole life. I've tried looking for other jobs and it hasn't panned out as well as I would like. Still employed at the same place. So do I just wait to see if I can get another job or say to Hell with it and tell her and suffer the potential consequences. I normally wouldn't post something like this but it's come to the point I'm fantasizing about making dinner for her....
JewelD Posted September 26, 2016 Posted September 26, 2016 First things first, take a cold ass shower Leave this situation alone. Why are you looking to find a new job when you have no idea if she even likes you? Is it a good job? Do you enjoy it? If so, don't screw it up over this. 4
Author hhhmmm Posted September 26, 2016 Author Posted September 26, 2016 (edited) Oh, it's been about a year now so I've taken tons of cold showers. It's not a bad job. Generally speaking pretty happy with it. Although she hasn't out and out said she has feelings for me, I really get that vibe and colleagues have said they think she does. And I know that doesn't definitively prove it but signs point towards yes. Edited September 26, 2016 by hhhmmm
JewelD Posted September 26, 2016 Posted September 26, 2016 Oh, it's been about a year now so I've taken tons of cold showers. It's not a bad job. Generally speaking pretty happy with it. Although she hasn't out and out said she has feelings for me, I really get that vibe and colleagues have said they think she does. And I know that doesn't definitively prove it but signs point towards yes. Even if she did like you, most dates don't turn into marriages. You end up dating for a few months, it doesn't work out and you have to see her everyday afterwards. Not to mention you already have coworkers in your business. I wouldn't be surprised if she already knows. Never wise to mix business and pleasure. Especially in your position as her boss. 3
soyou Posted September 26, 2016 Posted September 26, 2016 Life is too short. If you like somebody, speak it out. Worst case, she says no. You'll be uncomfortable and therefore look for another job. 1
preraph Posted September 26, 2016 Posted September 26, 2016 I'm just going to throw in that in my long life, I have seen countless young women totally flatter and pump up and try to get in close to their male bosses for nothing more than promotion purposes -- and I have to add that these were some of the most lowly devious and worthless women I've ever come across. So she's spending a lot of time shooting the crap with you in your office instead of working. That's the first thing I get out of it. Other employees are probably rolling their eyes about her getting away with this. Are you the same age or is she a lot younger than you? If it's the latter, I can definitely tell you, she's just sucking up instead of working. If you are the same age and have a lot of common hobbies and interests, maybe it's something more, but like others have said, that doesn't mean this won't end after four months and then turn into a vicious mess.
Miss Peach Posted September 26, 2016 Posted September 26, 2016 I wouldn't switch jobs unless you are happy to do it regardless of her. For example if you got your dream job then I would do it. I wouldn't take another job just to date her. One of these days she will change jobs, departments, etc.
smackie9 Posted September 26, 2016 Posted September 26, 2016 You just never know she may have kept her BF a secret........has the topic ever come up?
Author hhhmmm Posted September 27, 2016 Author Posted September 27, 2016 Thank you for the input. I've wondered both ways in respect to her feelings. A part of me wants to believe that it's something more than it is but in all honesty I can't really tell. I'm 32 and she is 24 so there is definitely an age difference. My work isn't bad but I've wanted out for the last year or so, unrelated to her. So she's kind of become the icing on top of the cake. Leave an alright job, get the girl, basically enter clichéd story.
Author hhhmmm Posted September 27, 2016 Author Posted September 27, 2016 I had contemplated seeing if she wanted to just talk outside of work. Nothing fancy, just some time. That's pretty buck-ass stupid, isn't it?
Scarlett.O'hara Posted September 27, 2016 Posted September 27, 2016 Do you know what the potential consequences of dating her would be? Some companies have policies regarding these things so you should check that first. If it is acceptable then ask her out for a coffee and see how she responds. If she isn't interested be polite and respectful about it. If she is interested, take things slow, and most importantly set boundaries with each other early and try and keep your personal situation private and outside of work. If there is an professional issue with dating her, I recommend waiting until you find a new job before pursuing her. It isn't just your reputation you have to think about, but hers as well. I understand the feelings you are describing, sometimes you just connect with someone in a special way and seems to transcend everything else. Just try and approach this situation carefully. Good luck.
JewelD Posted September 27, 2016 Posted September 27, 2016 I had contemplated seeing if she wanted to just talk outside of work. Nothing fancy, just some time. That's pretty buck-ass stupid, isn't it? As her boss, that's inappropriate and a sexual harassment complaint just waiting to happen. The dynamics of that situation are all messed up. If you're that dead set on doing it, find a new job first. What if she doesn't like you? She may feel pressured to say yes because you're her boss. What if you change your mind about her? She might try to complain of sexual harassment just to spite you. Then you'll be out of a job and leaving this employer on bad terms. Only way this will work with you keeping this job is if you two end up getting married, and that's probably not going to happen. 1
Author hhhmmm Posted September 27, 2016 Author Posted September 27, 2016 Hey thank you for the kind words, I appreciate it. Especially the coment about the special connection. It's very rare for me to connect with people like this, especially in this type of situation so it's really kind of thrown me off. What kind of sucks about my work is that they basically just say, " If you date and bang them, you open your self up to a lawsuit" and then leave it at that..................I always figured they would say don't date them but they never do.
Author hhhmmm Posted September 27, 2016 Author Posted September 27, 2016 As her boss, that's inappropriate and a sexual harassment complaint just waiting to happen. The dynamics of that situation are all messed up. If you're that dead set on doing it, find a new job first. What if she doesn't like you? She may feel pressured to say yes because you're her boss. What if you change your mind about her? She might try to complain of sexual harassment just to spite you. Then you'll be out of a job and leaving this employer on bad terms. Only way this will work with you keeping this job is if you two end up getting married, and that's probably not going to happen. I know, I know. I wouldn't actually do it. Just want to.
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