katrena Posted September 26, 2016 Posted September 26, 2016 **Warning: Long Post** Background: Thanks to a ****ty childhood (bullied for my size, pretty much ate alone at lunch for a few years) and a verbually abusive ex, I have really ****ty self esteem and any confidence I have, I tend to fake. I'm 5'11 and an AU size 16/18, currently working on myself emotionally and physically but at the moment my esteem can cloud my judgement The story: Long story short: I've been talking to a guy online for four months. We finally met up and spent the week together and things I felt went well. (We both work away which was why it took so long to meet up). First date was really fun - go karts and lunch then also went out for dinner. We ended up spending the rest of the week together and stayed at his every night. (Yes we slept together - Im not worried about that part). On the last day of my break before work, we went out for breakfast and I initiated the awkward conversation of asking how he felt after the weekend (he had taken me away to the city for two nights to spend time together and also go to a sports game). He said it's too early to call it a relationship and that he wants us to go slow. He said there was a few times over the weekend that he felt were a bit different people (he drinks and i dont) and when i asked what he only mentioned the drinking but I hadnt done anything wrong and that the other things were so small he can't even remember them. He then mentioned we're going our separate ways for a while (I'm going on a holiday and with us both working away, we wont see eachother again until Novemberish. Distance wont be a problem if things progress though as my job working away finishes in December) so it makes it hard. I said I asked as I wasnt sure how he felt whether he was interested or whether he had friend zoned me. He said he hadnt and wanted us to keep going how we have been (When we are apart, we text through facebook a few times every day). He also said that he's not going back on the online dating site that we met (i checked-his profile is still inactive) I asked if he wanted to see me again and I ended up going back to his that night and had dinner with him and his two housemates and stayed at his. He then got up and took me to the airport the following morning (at 430am mind you and the airport is an hour away) I'm now back at work and it has been a week since I have seen him. We still talk on fb every day but now Im having arguments to myself my heart says that its perfectly logical to not want to commit to someone after only spending a week together (even though we had been speaking for 4 months) especially since we wont see eachother for a few months and that if he didnt like me, he would have ghosted me by now My head/****ty self esteem however is telling myself that if he really liked me, he would have commited so that there's no chance of me finding anyone else and if he was interested he wouldnt care about how long it has/hasnt been im driving myself insane to the point im over analysing (e.g. not replying to his messages straight away so i dont appear clingy, dont message him good morning until he has mesaged me) and I know unless i calm down im going to ruin things but i dont know what to do Id love an outsiders perspective on the situation as I just dont know what to think and whether i should just cut my losses and move on, as hes not committed to me so could find someone else for all i know
JewelD Posted September 26, 2016 Posted September 26, 2016 4 months is a long time to be talking. It doesn't seem like a committed relationship is really what he wants at this point. I think he likes you to a certain extent but you've invested a considerable amount of time into him and it doesn't seem like you're going to be getting a return any time soon. You can't really see each other very often so I'd also be wondering how much time and sex is he going to require before he decides if he wants to be your bf or not? Personally, I'd move on. If you're not sure about me after 4 months of talking and several dates and sex, then clearly I'm not the one for you. You can stick around and see how it turns out, but you need to be okay with the possibility of him never asking for exclusivity. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted September 26, 2016 Posted September 26, 2016 I don't think your doubts are due your self-esteem issues. They are legitimate doubts and your intuition is telling you that something isn't right. 4 months of every day talking and basically a week spent together is a lot of time. Certainly enough for him to make a decision.
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