Patrice Posted September 25, 2016 Posted September 25, 2016 I am 57 and attractive, the guy was 41 (was dubious about that to begin with). Met at a restaurant last night for a drink. He was fine, then suggested dinner. We ordered dinner, the meal came and the it was like some kind of sexual freak came out. Started talking about fantasizing sexual positions with me. I guess this may be the new venue, order a meal and I am trapped. Ate, told him I don't think this will work, ended with him sloppily kissing me and grinding his hard penis into my leg. I went home .. blocked. No more. 2
JewelD Posted September 25, 2016 Posted September 25, 2016 smh. Something similar happened to my friend while she was at the movies with a guy. He made her so uncomfortable that she got up to go the restroom and drove home without saying a word to him. This guy sounds like a perve. Fk the meal, I would have asked for a to-go box and left immediately. Why did he kiss you if you told him it wasn't going to work? Sounds like sexual assault. Sorry you had to go through that. 5
smackie9 Posted September 25, 2016 Posted September 25, 2016 (edited) Me personally I would have got up and left the min he started talking like that. But before I walked I would have told him he was a sick f$%^ and to get help before he finds himself arrested. My dear, next time you find yourself in a situation like this you make a scene.....it will protect you from potential harm. You do not own them anything regardless they are paying for a meal. ALWAYS meet at a public place. Never go to their place. I don't care that you chatted with them for a month or whatever...you need to protect yourself. Edited September 25, 2016 by smackie9 5
Sunkissedpatio Posted September 25, 2016 Posted September 25, 2016 ??? how did you even end up kissing after all that? I would have left as soon as the check came. Diplomatically excused myself and byyyyyyeee! 3
lolablue17 Posted September 26, 2016 Posted September 26, 2016 (edited) I am 57 and attractive, the guy was 41 (was dubious about that to begin with). Met at a restaurant last night for a drink. He was fine, then suggested dinner. We ordered dinner, the meal came and the it was like some kind of sexual freak came out. Started talking about fantasizing sexual positions with me. I guess this may be the new venue, order a meal and I am trapped. Ate, told him I don't think this will work, ended with him sloppily kissing me and grinding his hard penis into my leg. I went home .. blocked. No more. Well, 90% of it is your fault. The guy was testing you. There are women in the world (maybe 1 maybe millions) who like to talk about fantasies on first dates. He was trying his luck, and when you didn't stop him immediately, he thought that you're OK with it. In fact you encouraged him to make further advances. I remember a girl (from the past) who decided that she don't want me after 2 weeks. But she didn't have the guts to tell me that, so she just disappeared. I was messaging her many times in a period of 2-3 days, because I thought maybe something happend to her. Then I heard (through friends) that she was complaining about me being a creep, said to our mutual friends "Why is he harrassing her for 3 days?" She forgot to mention to those friends that while we were dating, she slept with me every day, told me she loved me and that she has never loved and met anyone special like me. She also forgot to mention that AFTER our last date (sex) the next 24 hours she texted me 3-4 time how she misses me and can't wait till she sees me again, then disappeared. OK this is extreme, but in your case, when you allow a guy to behave like that, he gets the impression that you're on the same page with him, so you have no one to blame about the rest of the night, but you. Edited September 26, 2016 by lolablue17
Dis Posted September 26, 2016 Posted September 26, 2016 Well, 90% of it is your fault. The guy was testing you. There are women in the world (maybe 1 maybe millions) who like to talk about fantasies on first dates. He was trying his luck, and when you didn't stop him immediately, he thought that you're OK with it. In fact you encouraged him to make further advances. I remember a girl (from the past) who decided that she don't want me after 2 weeks. But she didn't have the guts to tell me that, so she just disappeared. I was messaging her many times in a period of 2-3 days, because I thought maybe something happend to her. Then I heard (through friends) that she was complaining about me being a creep, said to our mutual friends "Why is he harrassing her for 3 days?" She forgot to mention to those friends that while we were dating, she slept with me every day, told me she loved me and that she has never loved and met anyone special like me. She also forgot to mention that AFTER our last date (sex) the next 24 hours she texted me 3-4 time how she misses me and can't wait till she sees me again, then disappeared. OK this is extreme, but in your case, when you allow a guy to behave like that, he gets the impression that you're on the same page with him, so you have no one to blame about the rest of the night, but you. What happened to the OP was NOT her fault in anyway shape or form....thats like saying to a rape victim, "Maybe you shouldnt have worn such a short skirt" Extreme example I know...but I think its insulting to blame the OP for her date's crude behavior OP, I'm so sorry this happened to you hun...next time a guy does something like this...politely excuse yourself and safely get home 8
JewelD Posted September 26, 2016 Posted September 26, 2016 Well, 90% of it is your fault. The guy was testing you. There are women in the world (maybe 1 maybe millions) who like to talk about fantasies on first dates. He was trying his luck, and when you didn't stop him immediately, he thought that you're OK with it. In fact you encouraged him to make further advances. I remember a girl (from the past) who decided that she don't want me after 2 weeks. But she didn't have the guts to tell me that, so she just disappeared. I was messaging her many times in a period of 2-3 days, because I thought maybe something happend to her. Then I heard (through friends) that she was complaining about me being a creep, said to our mutual friends "Why is he harrassing her for 3 days?" She forgot to mention to those friends that while we were dating, she slept with me every day, told me she loved me and that she has never loved and met anyone special like me. She also forgot to mention that AFTER our last date (sex) the next 24 hours she texted me 3-4 time how she misses me and can't wait till she sees me again, then disappeared. OK this is extreme, but in your case, when you allow a guy to behave like that, he gets the impression that you're on the same page with him, so you have no one to blame about the rest of the night, but you. Absolutely not. That's sex offender logic. This person has said this isn't going to work and they're not interested in me so that means I need to force my tongue down her throat and put my dick against her. That'll change her mind! Just because she accepted a date doesn't mean she's consenting to be sexually assaulted. 10
Buddhist Posted September 26, 2016 Posted September 26, 2016 Wow, desperation (his not yours) has a new modus operandi.
lolablue17 Posted September 26, 2016 Posted September 26, 2016 Absolutely not. That's sex offender logic. This person has said this isn't going to work and they're not interested in me so that means I need to force my tongue down her throat and put my dick against her. That'll change her mind! Just because she accepted a date doesn't mean she's consenting to be sexually assaulted. I take my words back in the criminal aspect. I didnt mean it. The assault is not her fault, of course, as for the criminal aspect. This is 100% him. The bad experience is mostly hers. I'm sorry, if he exposed who he is in the beginning, she could have left immediately. You don't stay 2 hours at the party, and after that complaining about how the music was so bad.
Popsicle Posted September 26, 2016 Posted September 26, 2016 (edited) This has happened to me before. My best guess is that he was looking for a one night stand. Don't take it to heart. Edited September 26, 2016 by Popsicle
Eternal Sunshine Posted September 26, 2016 Posted September 26, 2016 You should have ordered the most expensive thing on the menu, excused yourself to go to the toilet and walked out the back door. OLD is overrun with perverts, it's no reflection on you. I deleted my profile a while back but the very last guy I gave my email to ended up being amazing. I have been happily seeing him for a while now so it's very much a mixed bag. 2
Toodaloo Posted September 26, 2016 Posted September 26, 2016 I am afraid there is lower still... This is not anywhere near the worst date I have had... This would rank middling. Trick is to not take any crap at all. Not one little iota. Don't be polite be blunt (to the point of being rude)... I.E. While I am sure many would find your playing with your food amusing I am afraid I grew out of that when I was about 6. or Would you mind removing your tongue from my throat and quit rubbing your penis on my leg... my trousers were clean on this morning and I suggest your special sock would be more appropriate... 1
Bialy Posted September 26, 2016 Posted September 26, 2016 You should have got up and left as soon as the conversation turned odd. He's a total stranger. You don't owe him an explanation. That's the whole reason for meeting at a public place -- the ability to leave at any time. 3
Author Patrice Posted September 26, 2016 Author Posted September 26, 2016 It was like, as soon as it moved to getting dinner, he knew it would be more difficult to leave. I won't make the same mistake again. Meet for coffee first, is the best way to screen people. I have another dinner invite for later this week, I'm thinking about changing that to meet for coffee too. 2
Bialy Posted September 26, 2016 Posted September 26, 2016 Definitely stick with coffee, tea, ice cream, or anything involving a coffee shop/cafe. Again, it's OK to get up and leave if you have a dinner date that gets weird. You are NOT obligated to tolerate ****ty behavior because someone is paying for dinner. I don't care how fancy a restaurant is --- I would get up and leave. 2
Toodaloo Posted September 26, 2016 Posted September 26, 2016 It was like, as soon as it moved to getting dinner, he knew it would be more difficult to leave. I won't make the same mistake again. Meet for coffee first, is the best way to screen people. I have another dinner invite for later this week, I'm thinking about changing that to meet for coffee too. I understand where you are coming from. For those of us brought up with manners and common decency it is really hard and awkward to disengage from men like this. Its like crash TV. You don't like it, you don't want to watch it but end up with your mouth open in sheer horror that someone could possibly actually do and say these things... I don't mind meeting up for dinner as long as I have the cash in my pocket to pay for my half and I can just grab a waiter, explain that I am running, here is the money and go. Always have a back up plan. Always. And if the men you met get like this again think spartan. No Spartan woman who put up for this so you shouldn't either. Let alone swop spit with the man. I actually visualise myself as a Spartan woman to get myself wound up enough to stick up for myself (I read a self help book about it). I have made the slight mistake of once shouting "this is sparta!" at a horrible date. I shocked myself and missed the bit I was going to say about him being terribly rude and bit of a *insert your own nasty swear word* ... Still I guess he got the point so I am not too worried! So new rules. 1. Always keep it public 2. Always carry a handbag suitable for bashing over the head with 3. If you feel uncomfortable go 4. You do not need to treat men who have no manners with manners. 5. Always have a back up plan You do have to weed through a lot of muck and drudge before you start to find the good ones. Do not worry about any of the drudge. If they can't up their game then they don't deserve a proper lasting relationship. 2
smackie9 Posted September 26, 2016 Posted September 26, 2016 I understand where you are coming from. For those of us brought up with manners and common decency it is really hard and awkward to disengage from men like this. Its like crash TV. You don't like it, you don't want to watch it but end up with your mouth open in sheer horror that someone could possibly actually do and say these things... I don't mind meeting up for dinner as long as I have the cash in my pocket to pay for my half and I can just grab a waiter, explain that I am running, here is the money and go. Always have a back up plan. Always. And if the men you met get like this again think spartan. No Spartan woman who put up for this so you shouldn't either. Let alone swop spit with the man. I actually visualise myself as a Spartan woman to get myself wound up enough to stick up for myself (I read a self help book about it). I have made the slight mistake of once shouting "this is sparta!" at a horrible date. I shocked myself and missed the bit I was going to say about him being terribly rude and bit of a *insert your own nasty swear word* ... Still I guess he got the point so I am not too worried! So new rules. 1. Always keep it public 2. Always carry a handbag suitable for bashing over the head with 3. If you feel uncomfortable go 4. You do not need to treat men who have no manners with manners. 5. Always have a back up plan You do have to weed through a lot of muck and drudge before you start to find the good ones. Do not worry about any of the drudge. If they can't up their game then they don't deserve a proper lasting relationship. Another precaution is to let someone like a GF know who you are meeting up with, where, when, even send a photo. Guys never really have to think of safety like us women do. It's a sad reality we have to be aware of the dangers. 1
Toodaloo Posted September 26, 2016 Posted September 26, 2016 Another precaution is to let someone like a GF know who you are meeting up with, where, when, even send a photo. Guys never really have to think of safety like us women do. It's a sad reality we have to be aware of the dangers. I leave a print off of their profile in a prolific place at home. Then if I disappear on a date at least its a pretty obvious clue!! 1
mortensorchid Posted September 26, 2016 Posted September 26, 2016 Yuck. What the hell is wrong with guys? They think that women WANT to hear this nonsense they are thinking of?!?!! I mean, all men are pigs to be sure, due to biology / chemistry they have no choice but to think of these things, but to actually have no class whatsoever and blurt it out? I only hope that you gave that kiss to either appease him or kiss him good-bye once and for all or because he physically forced you and you both might have been a bit drunk.
Miss Peach Posted September 26, 2016 Posted September 26, 2016 OP - I totally understand what you did because a lot of us were raised to be nice and don't like to go confrontational or bitchy. My personality sweet but tell it like it is direct. It's hard for for me to go into bitchy mode. He was not being appropriate. I think you already know he's not worth your time and to block him. FWIW I've had a number of guys meet me and then say off things. It happens as part of any situation; not just OLD. One guy last weekend asked for me on the phone if I would to go with him to a hotel room. Just just have to use a lot of common sense, refrain initially from giving too much identifiable information, and go with your gut.
Larryville Posted September 26, 2016 Posted September 26, 2016 The bad experience is mostly hers. I'm sorry, if he exposed who he is in the beginning, she could have left immediately. You don't stay 2 hours at the party, and after that complaining about how the music was so bad. Trick is to not take any crap at all. Not one little iota. Don't be polite be blunt (to the point of being rude)... I get what LB17 is getting at. How many threads here have some woman (regardless of age) talk about some idiot guys rude, boorish, contemptable behavior and get on here and give the example asking the participants “is this bad behavior” that everyone here can clearly see. There are way too many women who for some reason can’t see or process the bad behavior. I’m not saying it’s the woman’s fault but what Too said women absolutely can’t and should never tolerate this kind of behavior because it affects us all.
Michelle ma Belle Posted September 26, 2016 Posted September 26, 2016 Yep, been here more times than I'd like to admit but it would be unfair to say that all men on first dates are like this. That simply isn't true. I agree, you should have shut him down the moment the conversation started to fall off the rails. As for getting to the point where he was even allowed to kiss you after all of that is all on you and shouldn't have happened. I think many women are often brought up to always be polite almost to a fault, even in situations like this where it's clearly uncomfortable and inappropriate. We need to STOP being afraid to offend and stick to our guns. Don't like the direction of the conversation? Change it and if he still doesn't get the hint, get up and leave. DONE! The take away from this experience is now you know and now you can do better the next time. You owe no one an explanation least of all some douchebag whose manners have clearly taken a vacation. NEXT! 1
Ami1uwant Posted September 26, 2016 Posted September 26, 2016 Had to say....it depends on where the conversation flowed and how you appeared to come across. I can undetstand throwing in some sexual inuendo into a conversation to get a reaction.
Author Patrice Posted September 26, 2016 Author Posted September 26, 2016 top. Told me about how large his package was. I think two glasses of wine and just flat out being stunned, got the best of me. Anyway, blocked and done. He has no way to get in touch with me.
Toodaloo Posted September 26, 2016 Posted September 26, 2016 top. Told me about how large his package was. I think two glasses of wine and just flat out being stunned, got the best of me. Anyway, blocked and done. He has no way to get in touch with me. Sorry Patrice - I know it was awful for you but I can not help but laugh at this guys really terrible attempts at dirty talk! Oh dear - you dodged a bullet here with that one didn't you!
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