Hopeless without her ;(

[zeeforever]

I really don't know how to start this off or what exactly to say as I've never used a forum or site such as this before and have only really talked to friends about this, but I'm really in a state right now where maybe I need an expert or someone that could really coach me and help me out in a way friends couldn't (most didn't even know about us.. it was LDR.. my idea).

 

My girlfriend of two years and I broke up around two weeks ago. It's probably the most confusing break-up ever. Basically, she was head of heels for me and was the one more committed to the relationship, the first one to message, call etc. Always doing the cute things, and I was just way too comfortable and relaxed. It's my first love and I had a lot to learn and am filled with regrets and it kills me. It was actually my idea to break til a period of time and she hated it and plead with me and spammed me calling, texting etc. and I ignored her :/. I'm horrible. I took this girl for granted (I didn't mean to..) and treated her bad during this period (not in a cursing or abusive way.. but didn't want to talk about it etc.) as she was crying and begging nonono we can't break she can't lose me etc etc. So basically she was the one that i thought would've done anything to keep this relationship alive and almost every day I thought to myself "how is it even possible for a girl to love me or anyone this much??" she's honestly the cutest and more adorable, innocent girl you'd ever know! I'm not kidding you'd have to see it to believe it :$. Anyhow.. two days had passed (me not replying to her last message) and considering we had never gone near that long before, I replied. I will admit my break was a bluff to stop her from doing something that really upset me (which caused this), something that would upset most men I believe. So then all of a sudden she had thought during these two days and said maybe a break would be the best thing etc. reiterating things I've said to her, some things such as "you could be a better girlfriend" which i REGRET so much! or other things that has bugged me over the time we were together, but again nothing incredibly insulting or abusive (thats not the kind of guy I am and I'd never treat her that way, I'm madly in love with her ;(. ) So at this point now she's the one wanting the break and then break-up! And I'm panicking and it's gone from her always apologizing sending me essays etc and me giving little replies (like I said she was the one always trying to impress and crazy in love with me etc.) and I was just too cool I guess to show the emotion and feelings she's always wanted. So now I'm the one sending her the long plea messages and basically it's not working and I really need some third party help or assistance! I'll say right now, this girl is the love of my life and my soulmate and we'd always say these things and she loved it, more so than me at the time. The initial break-bluff by me was Sept 7th and the official break-up was on the 14th (today the 25th) so as hard as these two weeks have been (I've been crying etc. non-stop, and considering I never cried in years etc. and didn't even think I had it in me..) it's been painfully hard! But it's still "fresh" and I realize only 10-17 days etc, but to me that's been an infinity!

 

Anyhow, please I'll take anything anyone has to give me here! Thanks!

Edited September 25, 2016 by zeeforever

[DarrenB]

Sounds like some insecurities may have gotten the better of you, my friend (don't worry, we all have them). I'm sure you are a nice guy, but we all have the little traits that don't exactly help us, especially when it comes to love and relationships.

 

You've also got a lot of regrets by the things you had stated in your initial thread. Listen, you're going to have to face the reality and come to some realisations. You've messed up, haha. But we all do right? however, in doing these things they make the other individual in the R/S grow more distant and 'cold' towards us. It seems like you've either done this on multiple occasions, or it was simply too much for her to handle. What you do need to realise is, you can plead and beg all you please, for her back, to apologise for the mistakes you had made, but from her own POV they have already happened. The damage has been done.

 

I think also from her POV, there is many signs of unrequited love. Don't quote me on it, but it is common for the opposing person in a situation like this to feel that way. This obviously hasn't helped the cause in her understanding, or even you understanding to the full extent. Neglect is probably something she feels as well (probably already insanely evident).

 

You've done the common things which is not exactly all your fault, if not at all. It's just how you are as an individual, but like I say the actions and words we say come completely different to how someone else would percieve them. What I suggest you do, from here, is to think about these mistakes you have made and then apply them in future reference. No, I'm not saying just take a day to grieve and then try to understand the flaws and then plead for forgiveness again... I mean take a considerably substantial amount of time to reflect. Do not contact her, this will only aggravate the situation. You need to fully understand the consequences to things and how it can affect you and your partner. Let her heal from these actions, but also let yourself heal.

 

If reconcilliation is possible between the two of you in future, then it will be what it will be. You want yourself to understand where you may have gone wrong, and you want her to heal as well as yourself. In doing so, if the chance of getting back together is possible, then you will have a better understanding of what not to do and what to avoid next time. By all means, don't give up, I'm not saying to. Time to heal is neccesary for both of you right now, along with time away from each other.

 

Give it a month, if not longer. Work on yourself and then try again

You do not want to make the same mistakes next time right? doing this will benefit you as well as her, or your next R/S.

Edited September 26, 2016 by DarrenB

[zeeforever]

Sounds like some insecurities may have gotten the better of you, my friend (don't worry, we all have them). I'm sure you are a nice guy, but we all have the little traits that don't exactly help us, especially when it comes to love and relationships.

 

You've also got a lot of regrets by the things you had stated in your initial thread. Listen, you're going to have to face the reality and come to some realisations. You've messed up, haha. But we all do right? however, in doing these things they make the other individual in the R/S grow more distant and 'cold' towards us. It seems like you've either done this on multiple occasions, or it was simply too much for her to handle. What you do need to realise is, you can plead and beg all you please, for her back, to apologise for the mistakes you had made, but from her own POV they have already happened. The damage has been done.

 

I think also from her POV, there is many signs of unrequited love. Don't quote me on it, but it is common for the opposing person in a situation like this to feel that way. This obviously hasn't helped the cause in her understanding, or even you understanding to the full extent. Neglect is probably something she feels as well (probably already insanely evident).

 

You've done the common things which is not exactly all your fault, if not at all. It's just how you are as an individual, but like I say the actions and words we say come completely different to how someone else would percieve them. What I suggest you do, from here, is to think about these mistakes you have made and then apply them in future reference. No, I'm not saying just take a day to grieve and then try to understand the flaws and then plead for forgiveness again... I mean take a considerably substantial amount of time to reflect. Do not contact her, this will only aggravate the situation. You need to fully understand the consequences to things and how it can affect you and your partner. Let her heal from these actions, but also let yourself heal.

 

If reconcilliation is possible between the two of you in future, then it will be what it will be. You want yourself to understand where you may have gone wrong, and you want her to heal as well as yourself. In doing so, if the chance of getting back together is possible, then you will have a better understanding of what not to do and what to avoid next time. By all means, don't give up, I'm not saying to. Time to heal is neccesary for both of you right now, along with time away from each other.

 

Give it a month, if not longer. Work on yourself and then try again

You do not want to make the same mistakes next time right? doing this will benefit you as well as her, or your next R/S.

 

That's true and I'll accept that, everything you're saying is true and it hurts to admit that. I truly felt she was doing something that she shouldn't be doing while in a relationship (homecoming with a male friend etc.) and I knew I had this girl to tightly wrapped around my finger and I took this for granted and abused it and it backfired. It turned into a "i love you sm, i can't lose you, love of my life" pleading and PLEADING and crying FROM her trying to make sure i'm alright about this. even after all of this, "can't picture a life without you", "of course i'll give you a chance" etc. (her to me..) she's been "can't take the nights of sitting here alone staring at a wall waiting for you to call me but you don't". etc. it's such a long story and very very complicated and most people i have shared it to would've thought I was the one breaking up with her and not vice versa.. it's so confusing to me. she still has all her statuses etc. as "forever & always (my name)" etc etc. she's acting out and around an old best friend that she got rid of that's a horrible influence, doing things she'd never do before, things we bonded over!

 

i hurt her deeply in the sense this break-up is moreso about me just handling an entire situation horribly. she still says she loves me but "not like that" (she only said this once though... after i did something dramatic that could've got her in trouble with parents (shipping her a promise ring) and all i've been doing now is saying how basically i'd change this and that and have been, even though our breakup wasn't really about that but i've been making it about that i guess, i'm just so confused and desperate for guidance!