loathful Posted September 25, 2016 Posted September 25, 2016 Should I even tolerate this? To start off, I wouldn't say I have my life together. I got into some trouble and has left me jobless just until my records are sealed. Endless amounts of applications I've written and submitted and still have no luck. I admit it was my fault for being an imbecile, it happens when temptation and greed start to creep to you. I was making so much money then and unfortunately greed came to me like a snake. Now I have nothing, living off with my parents allowance (although grateful they're providing me with food and shelter), graduated with nothing to offer after, and I know damn well I deserve it. With that aside, my boyfriend and I have been together for about a year and a half. He has been supportive and is such a loving partner to me, we get along so well, yes we get into fights now and then but nothing too harsh. We're both 23 and we graduated college already and are trying to get our life situated. In my case however is gonna take a while due to my stupidity almost year back. He just got a place of his own, he's doing an internship for psychology and everything is great with him. I've been incredibly supportive to him by helping him pack (his fathers wife kicked him out, but that's another story) and move in, helping him with work sometimes and just been there for him emotionally. What really bothers me is when he talks to me about his life but he blames me for not taking any risks. Then he tells me I need to get my life together because he can't baby me.. I mean yes I see him more because I don't do anything at my place! If I can get a job then I wouldn't even worry about all this. But I can't, and I'm still trying till now. Another reason that bothers me is when he complains he sees me too much, mind you I don't ask him to come over when I know he's busy and/or when I've seen him too much. I give him SO MUCH TIME for himself but he doesn't take it, I just hate that he blames me for it. When something wrong happens to him, he somehow blames the relationship. And honestly he makes me feel incredibly useless and it hurts me so much. He even makes fun of what happened to me and pretty much announces everyone that he's clearly paying everything for me. When things go well with him, he thinks about moving or starts being sweet to me about moving in together and all. I can't take him making me feel this way... I have anxiety attacks everyday and he clearly sees his comments bother me but of course he puts his emotions first. I'm just so sad. I hate my life so much.
preraph Posted September 26, 2016 Posted September 26, 2016 You need to get ANY job you can, not the one you thought college guaranteed you. Take a waitress job. It's the most bang for the amount of hours worked. It will make your man happy and give you more equity in the relationship. Few peopel want to hire someone who has never done their time at menial jobs. Most successful people who own or manage those companies started at the bottom. Be a maid, a waitress, work at the Gap, whatever. Go get a job. 1
RaiderII Posted September 26, 2016 Posted September 26, 2016 No relationship that's working will give you anxiety attacks on the reg and make you feel so miserable. Whatever you did in your past it sounds like you're trying to move forward and make the most of your life. You try give him time for himself but he won't take it? Then enforce time for YOURSELF. Don't offer 'do you want a night off from me?' and if he says 'no' go round anyway. Tell him you're going to be busy for a few days and get busy. Sounds like you need to take a step back and assess whether this relationship is working for you or not. It sounds like he likes to make you feel bad about yourself and that's not okay. Blowing hot and cold, one minute all sweet and loving and talking about moving in, the next telling people he pays for everything and rubbing your face in whatever you did in the past, is not cool. Focus on your own life for a while. You may not be able to find a job just yet, but can't you volunteer? Can't you start an exercise regime yourself? Get a hobby, however cheap. Running is free if you have some exercise gear (and all you need is some jogging bottoms and an old t shirt and trainers). Go out alone more, visiting free museums or parks in your area. Focus on your friendships, or building new friendships. You are worth being happy and relaxed. Sounds like the more you push forward into his life, being good to him, helping him move, emotionally supporting him, being in his apartment keeping him company, the less he appreciates you. Change that. Either he'll realise that he's in danger of losing you and change his tune, or he'll be relieved that you've backed off and you'll have your own life back on track anyway. I hope you figure this out. 1
eye of the storm Posted September 26, 2016 Posted September 26, 2016 He is also blaming you for his emotions. Not good. And only going to get worse. Get out now. And go get a job.
Gloria25 Posted September 26, 2016 Posted September 26, 2016 To summarize what preraph and RaiderII's points were.... Time to roll up your sleeves, work hard, and focus on "you". Not sure what trouble you got in, but regardless, at your age working jobs like waitresses is the norm. There's this attorney guy I listen to on the radio. He was a bug spray guy before he became a lawyer. We all at some point gotta do something just to pay the bills and/or start at the bottom.
Author loathful Posted September 26, 2016 Author Posted September 26, 2016 You need to get ANY job you can, not the one you thought college guaranteed you. Take a waitress job. It's the most bang for the amount of hours worked. It will make your man happy and give you more equity in the relationship. Few peopel want to hire someone who has never done their time at menial jobs. Most successful people who own or manage those companies started at the bottom. Be a maid, a waitress, work at the Gap, whatever. Go get a job. I have been applying literally EVERYWHERE. Restaurants, deliveries, uber, gas stations, janitorial services, even a strip club (as a waitress of course). I've only gotten as far as an interview and after the application process comes the background check, I never get a call back again. It's so hard.
Author loathful Posted September 26, 2016 Author Posted September 26, 2016 No relationship that's working will give you anxiety attacks on the reg and make you feel so miserable. Whatever you did in your past it sounds like you're trying to move forward and make the most of your life. You try give him time for himself but he won't take it? Then enforce time for YOURSELF. Don't offer 'do you want a night off from me?' and if he says 'no' go round anyway. Tell him you're going to be busy for a few days and get busy. Sounds like you need to take a step back and assess whether this relationship is working for you or not. It sounds like he likes to make you feel bad about yourself and that's not okay. Blowing hot and cold, one minute all sweet and loving and talking about moving in, the next telling people he pays for everything and rubbing your face in whatever you did in the past, is not cool. Focus on your own life for a while. You may not be able to find a job just yet, but can't you volunteer? Can't you start an exercise regime yourself? Get a hobby, however cheap. Running is free if you have some exercise gear (and all you need is some jogging bottoms and an old t shirt and trainers). Go out alone more, visiting free museums or parks in your area. Focus on your friendships, or building new friendships. You are worth being happy and relaxed. Sounds like the more you push forward into his life, being good to him, helping him move, emotionally supporting him, being in his apartment keeping him company, the less he appreciates you. Change that. Either he'll realise that he's in danger of losing you and change his tune, or he'll be relieved that you've backed off and you'll have your own life back on track anyway. I hope you figure this out. I volunteer! Most definitely, I volunteer at a dog rescue organization. It's so much fun, although it's every Sunday it's such a blast. We go to a pet store and we pretty much showcase dogs for adoption and for the most part most dogs would have a new home and I go to the gym now and then and I go out on my own with friends to their houses and chill. But... It's just so hard. I can't go out often because I don't have money AT ALL. My parents offer to give me money sometimes since I'm always home but.. I don't wanna have to ask them all the time... I'm not a teenager anymore you know? As for him... I'm just trying to be the best I can honestly. It hurts me when he indirectly blames the relationship when he's not feeling secured with his job, and/or he doesn't have enough "time" for himself. I mean... When he calls I answer, when he texts I answer within like 30 minutes or so. I mean I'm here at my house for the most part, what else can I really do? Not that I don't have my own hobbies here but my phone just happens to always be with me so I answer it whenever someone calls or texts me. Maybe I should be more assertive when it comes to giving time, I thought I do that enough already but frankly it bothers him when things aren't going the way he wants it to be.
Author loathful Posted September 26, 2016 Author Posted September 26, 2016 To summarize what preraph and RaiderII's points were.... Time to roll up your sleeves, work hard, and focus on "you". Not sure what trouble you got in, but regardless, at your age working jobs like waitresses is the norm. There's this attorney guy I listen to on the radio. He was a bug spray guy before he became a lawyer. We all at some point gotta do something just to pay the bills and/or start at the bottom. I'm really trying :/ I just can't get one till my records are sealed, made it so clear at this point from so much rejection. I was charged with theft, I was able to go through diversion so obviously I was not convicted. Took a class and paid my fees, my case recently dismissed about 2 months ago and my record sealing process began then. I have about 6 months to a year for the process to finish.. So who knows how long it'll really take. I can volunteer and be happy and all but in the end I'm not making any money. I'm even planning to go back to school for my masters... But it's just so much money! Even though it was my first offense, I regret it so much. It ruined my life and I honestly just wanna give up sometimes. But I can't, this is a trial for me and I have to work through it. It just hurts at times :/ And it doesn't help when my boyfriend blames me for making his life such a whirlwind. He's happy when things go his way and the moment it doesn't, he blames the relationship. I just can't take all this negativity sometimes. Even as a joke it hurts.
spiderowl Posted September 26, 2016 Posted September 26, 2016 I am sorry your boyfriend is being so thoughtless and unkind. Why are you with someone who is abusive?
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