MTGirl93 Posted September 25, 2016 Posted September 25, 2016 So I work with this guy and I do have feelings for him. Last night I let him know about those feelings. Turns out the feelings are mutual. But, he just recently got out of a relationship and is "going through some weird stuff relationship wise". He is also worried about the fact that we work together, but I don't think that is so much the issue. He was in the past relationship for 3 years. He said he would think about it. He handled it really really well and told me not to worry myself to death so much, that he's known how I felt for a while. He took it all really really well and I totally respect his decision. I needed to get it off my chest so I did. My question is what do I do now? I've never had this happen before. He is really the first guy I have ever had this strong of feelings for. Do I stay close to him? Give him space? From what our mutual friends say, we are attached at the hip. We are super close. He has helped me through so many of my insecurities and worries. He is supportive and super respectful. He's a southern boy . I have no idea what to do now. Advice would be awesome Thanks! 1
stillafool Posted September 25, 2016 Posted September 25, 2016 Have you actually dated him and been intimate with him? 1
Author MTGirl93 Posted September 25, 2016 Author Posted September 25, 2016 Have you actually dated him and been intimate with him? No, I have not done either. He is just a really close friend. But I think in the future dating may be an option.
Satu Posted September 25, 2016 Posted September 25, 2016 He would be meeting you with some significant baggage. Make sure that you don't end up a rebound. Do what you think best, but here's a note of caution from my journal" "Never begin a new relationship until you've fully moved on from the one before. Also never begin a new relationship with someone who hasn't fully moved on from their one before. By 'moved on,' I mean any necessary grieving done, not preoccupied with the ex, enjoying life, feeling good about yourself, and optimistic about the future. The best way to move on is to decide to be single for a while; not dating, not hooking up, no fwb. 'Get back on the horse' is sound advice, but its best to let the cuts and bruises heal before you do." Take care. 1
Author MTGirl93 Posted September 25, 2016 Author Posted September 25, 2016 He would be meeting you with some significant baggage. Make sure that you don't end up a rebound. Do what you think best, but here's a note of caution from my journal" "Never begin a new relationship until you've fully moved on from the one before. Also never begin a new relationship with someone who hasn't fully moved on from their one before. By 'moved on,' I mean any necessary grieving done, not preoccupied with the ex, enjoying life, feeling good about yourself, and optimistic about the future. The best way to move on is to decide to be single for a while; not dating, not hooking up, no fwb. 'Get back on the horse' is sound advice, but its best to let the cuts and bruises heal before you do." Take care. Thank you so much for that advice! I know I need to let him move on but it just hurts to see someone special to me be hurting. It's not fun. I want to be a friend to him and let him know that I am here for him and will listen and support him as a friend. I will admit that when I confessed my feelings, alcohol was involved. But it was the honest truth and he brought up the question on if I liked him or not. I just feel that now that I told him I liked him, he won't see me as just a friend if I offer to be a shoulder to lean on and all I want for him to see me is as a friend right now. I'm probably just worrying to much but that's just the way I am sometimes. 1
Buddhist Posted September 25, 2016 Posted September 25, 2016 Just wait. He'll either make a move or he won't. If he doesn't then it's time to move on. Continue the friendship as it is right now and don't speak about this again until you know one way or the other.
ThisOverThat Posted September 26, 2016 Posted September 26, 2016 MTGirl...have you dated/seen anyone since you've realized you had these feelings for this friend at work? Are you currently dating/seeing anyone? I ask because because if you haven't, I don't think it's good to get into anything serious with ANYONE without multiple, recent points of reference. The points of reference will allow you to be realistic and not just live in the Possibility mindset. It saves you from tolerating things that you shouldn't and not leaning towards your preferences.
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