robban Posted September 25, 2016 Posted September 25, 2016 Hi everybody, I am new here. I have met a woman online and we clicked immediately. We are of different nationalities, but have very similar mentalities and I speak her language fluently. I live abroad by the way. So we started speaking everyday, calling each other on whatsapp and spending around 3-4 hours talking. After few months of talking, my company took all the workers on vacations and it happened to be her home country. I bought her a plane ticket to come and meet me there because a bus ride would have taken too long and we spent 3 days together. It was great and we liked each other a lot. When I came back home our contact continued - hours of conversations, video chats, I sent her and her daughters nice presents at once or twice a month. Later in summer we decided that she should come and visit me, stay here for 5 weeks and see if we suit each other on daily basis. So she took a flight here and it seemed to go very well. I showered her with attention, we did a lot of sightseeing and had a lot of fun. I bought her a lot of presents, clothes, cosmetics. She cooked a lot of delicious food for me and seem to reciprocate to the affection. There was only one problem that came up during her visit, which cause some tension between us was related to sex, in the beginning it was very infrequent, the first few weeks we only had sex like 3 times and I was of course unhappy because it was difficult for me to sleep together next to woman and not be able to do anything. But we solved it and the last week out of 5 was great in that field. So her visit came to an end and it she flew to her girlfriend in another country. Before leaving she said that she is still unsure of what she wants, which left me very confused. Some weeks ago I suggested that i come to her to her home country to spend time with her parents and daughter, at first she thought it was a great idea, but before leaving she said that this idea has to be put on hold because she needs some time on her own to decide what she wants. It also happened that in middle of her visit I lost my job. Its not a big problem cause i already have other suggestion and its a profession with a lot of options. But still wanted to mention this to you all. I told her that if she wants to move here, she will have to start working as a cleaner first until she learns the language, she wasnt super impressed but didnt say shes against it either. She is otherwise a nurse and i told her it could take a while for her to get her profession approved and starting low is unevitable. Also just a detail. I would like to ask everyone how i should act now? Should i back off now and wait until she decides? Act as normal? I felt a little bit of distance from her side, but also it seems that she likes me. She had two failed marriages with alcoholic men, but herself is a decent person, with sense of humour like mine, good looking, easy to hang out with. Our ages are 50 (me) and 35 (her). My daughter suggested i write on this site to ask for advice.
Shining One Posted September 25, 2016 Posted September 25, 2016 I can understand the hesitation on her part. She has more to risk and lose by coming to your country. She doesn't speak the language and would be forced into a much lower-earning profession. Thus, she would be dependent on you. After two failed marriages, she is right to be cautious about putting herself in such a tenuous position. You should give her time and space to think things over. She has a lot to think about. Let her get back to you.
Miss Peach Posted September 26, 2016 Posted September 26, 2016 I had a guy once contact me from abroad and I had known him when he lived in my country. He even asked me repeatedly to marry him. He really didn't didn't think ahead as to what that would mean. I suspect she's still weighing what that would mean.
Gaeta Posted September 26, 2016 Posted September 26, 2016 (edited) Don't you think it's a bit rushed to talk about uprooting her and her daughter at this point? yes you've had an amazing 5 weeks but that is just that '5 weeks'. Pick anyone on here and send them on a 5 week vacations of course all will be wonderful and dandy. I think you need to spend more time together, plan more trips for her to come to you and to get to know your country, and you need to go there more than once to see her interact with her kid, her family and friends so you see who she really is. You also need a better plan than to just get her to you. You need to plan this 1 year ahead at least. During the next year she could learn the language of your country, you could work on getting her a work visa or what ever else she will need, you'll need to look for a good school for her child, etc. If you present her with a good plan maybe she'll be less scared. If someone told me I'd move with him, I'd have to go clean homes and learn the language, and it'll be hard....presented that way I wouldn't go. Edited September 26, 2016 by Gaeta
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