Hot and heavy to ignoring overnight? What happened?

[1313]

Sorry this is so long

 

 

I was transfered to a new location and hit it off with a coworker but since I was a supervisor *(not over her) we had to keep it a secret. When it all started we were very passionate with each other meeting in dark hallways and back rooms to catch a quick kiss and an occasional feel. She was very aggressive from the start and I was more of the let's take it slower person. Once we kissed for the first time she became very sexual very fast with sending me nudes and telling me what she wanted me to do to her. It went on for about two weeks and I finally asked her to come over after work and we had amazing sex (3 times) and she spent the night. She spent the night each night for the next week and there was a lot of sex.*

 

She continued to send me nudes throughout the days telling me she could not wait to spend another day/night/anything with me. I would meet her for coffee before work and meet for lunch it was almost like we were having an affair. Throughout this whole time she would spend almost all of her free time with her best friend. This went on for about 3 months with her and I exchanging I love yous and can't wait to see you texts.

 

Then one night she texts me in the middle of the night saying how much she missed me and wished I was with her to hold her to sleep then the next day she just fell off the face of the earth she started ignoring me.

 

I asked her, after not hearing from her all day, if she was ok and she texted me back "yeah". I tried again the next day by saying "good morning I woke up thinking about you" she didn't respond. I went to work and she was clearly avoiding me. I decided to back off and waited another day then texted her "want a coffee?" She said "I would love that" but she didn't meet me so I picked up her favorite coffee and brought it to work. She didn't ignore me but was noticeably different so I asked in person if she was ok and she responded with "yeah I'm good" I then told her she can talk to me and she smiled kissed me and walked away.

 

After about two weeks of this I was getting frustrated and texted her I wanted to talk and she didn't respond. The next day I snapchated her a picture while at work saying "I was thinking about her and wished she was there with me for multiple reasons" she texted back saying she had to much going on and we had to be done. I responded with can we at least talk about it? No response I texted her back with ok let me know if you wanna talk. She deleted me from snapchat and went completely dark completely ignoring me at work.

 

After two weeks I texted her saying I would like to clear the air and I would like to not ignore each other anymore. No response. After another two weeks I get a text from her asking me to check her schedule so I did and she said thanks. She started talking to me at work again and smiling getting close again then one morning she tells me "I really wish you were working this morning" I responded with "me too" She then said "add me back on snapchat". *

 

The next day she came to work about 20 minutes late and was clearly hung over she walked right up to me and kissed me. I was seriously confused. After being at work for a few hours she needed to go home and I gave her a ride. When dropping her off she kissed my and told me she loved me.(i did not say it back) Again very confused by this as she had ignored me for a month.

 

Over the next week or so she was almost back to normal (sent me a couple nudes and kissed me several times) but something was still off and I couldn't put my finger on what was wrong so I asked to talk to her about it and she declined saying she didn't want to talk. After waiting another few days I texted her and told her how confused I was and how it made me feel. She responded with "we just see the world very differently and it can't work"

 

The next day at work I walk in and am around her for maybe an hour when she looks deep into my eyes and kisses me very passionately. Again I have no idea what is going on in her head. We then don't see each other for several days and we snapchat several times with her telling me of some home troubles and relationship issues with her parents. I told her I was proud of how hard she works and told her I would be there for her if she needed me. The next day she went right back to ignoring me. I caught up to her at work and told her I would like to continue our relationship and playfully said I can't get over your lips. Her response was "you will have to"

 

*I finally had enough and I sent her an email since she ignored my request to meet in person. I told her how stupid the ignoring thing is and how I do not understand all the mixed signals she was giving me. She responded with a knee jerk reaction email about two minutes later saying "I was too clingy and in too much need of attention and that I shouldn't try and make people talk if they don't want to. She also said I should learn that if people ignore you then leave them alone" I responded a few hours later with "thank you for letting me know"

 

The next time I saw her at work she was pleasant and nice talking to me and laughing but no physical contact. I pretty much stayed away from her. I was nice and professional. It has now been a week. I will say this she was right that I was being clingy only after she started ignoring me because I had no idea why she was doing it. We literally went from matching each other's texts and her telling me how much she loves me and how much she wants me to her ignoring me over night.

 

 

I really want some opinions specifically from women as to what game she is playing?

 

 

I am not sure how I should treat her or how I should respond. I have not reached out to her or gone out of my way to see her in a week. I really don't know why I'm stuck on this girl as she really has not treated me very well but I do miss her.

 

She is 18 and I am 22.

 

I don't think she is seeing anyone else.

Edited September 26, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
paragraphs~T

[ExpatInItaly]

Stop letting her toy with you.

 

I know you said you don't think she's seeing anyone else, but her behaviour is screaming that she is .

 

She comes to you when he's not paying attention to her. Then she ghosts you when he re-surfaces. I would bet my bottom dollar there's another guy in the picture.

 

Forget about her. She's not going to suddenly morph into girlfriend material. You're wasting your time and emotional energy on a girl who isn't all that into you. She's into your attention. There's a significant difference.

[phineas]

Stop letting her toy with you.

 

I know you said you don't think she's seeing anyone else, but her behaviour is screaming that she is .

 

She comes to you when he's not paying attention to her. Then she ghosts you when he re-surfaces. I would bet my bottom dollar there's another guy in the picture.

 

Forget about her. She's not going to suddenly morph into girlfriend material. You're wasting your time and emotional energy on a girl who isn't all that into you. She's into your attention. There's a significant difference.

 

This pretty much says it all.

Also, i hope you have learned your lesson about dating people at work.

Now you have to look at her daily until one of you gets a new job.

Awesome!

[katiegrl]

You want to know why she was like this?

 

She is 18, essentially still a teenager.

 

Fickle, immature, doesn't know what she wants.

 

I agree with Expat and Phineas... but I also agree with your ex, when a woman (in her case, girl) pulls away, ignores you.....you let her! And YOU pull away.

 

You don't continue to call, demand she talk to you, keep asking her to see you etc etc etc.

 

You may have had a chance but you got really clingy and ended up pushing her away for good.

 

Which is just as well as she is very young and VERY immature, among other things not conducive to developing anything even remotely resembling a healthy relationship.

 

Lesson learned.

[LostOnes05]

Basically this girl is a manipulator and playing games with you. Give her the cold shoulder and only respond to work related questions. If she texts you for something else do not answer. Delete her from snapchat, as it is not work related. If she tries to kiss you, warn her that it is inappropriate.

 

She said she had too much going on and had to be done right? That translates to I'm involved with too many guys or a guy I want more and need to cut back, basically I need to cut you off. Then she gets into an argument with him/them and comes running back to old faithful like nothing happened. I honestly despise people like this because they play with your emotions and try to make you think something is wrong with the way you're seeing things. Then they act like nothing happened when they want you back. Ignore her unless it's work related, no coffee dates, or trying to "win" back her affection.

 

She likes attention and drama. Regardless of age, never let someone do this to you. Why? Because she'll do this at 18, 28, 35, and so on. She is fully aware of what she is doing. It's really her way of validating herself. Her thinking is probably "I can treat you like dirt, confuse you, and turn the tables and you'll still want me. And I'll come back when I need to be uplifted and feel good about myself again." Better to learn this lesson earlier rather than later. These kind of people have the same pattern. Pull you in hard, push you away, then when you're not chasing them they resurface and try to pull you back into the web.

 

No contact outside of work. Seriously stay away. The fact that you work together is also a sticky situation. Trying to maintain contact with her could get you a sexual harassment case and you don't need that. She's probably the type to screenshots texts and save voicemails. I'd suggest you do the same with this one, to protect yourself just in case.

[Lois_Griffin]

She is 18 and I am 22.

Gee, an 18 year old teenage girl acting like a dumb-ass.

 

Unheard of.

[elaine567]

She is only 18, maybe her parents shut her down. They found out about you and told her to end it.

[Miss Clavel]

Sorry this is so long

 

 

I was transfered to a new location and hit it off with a coworker but since I was a supervisor *(not over her) we had to keep it a secret. When it all started we were very passionate with each other meeting in dark hallways and back rooms to catch a quick kiss and an occasional feel. She was very aggressive from the start and I was more of the let's take it slower person. Once we kissed for the first time she became very sexual very fast with sending me nudes and telling me what she wanted me to do to her. It went on for about two weeks and I finally asked her to come over after work and we had amazing sex (3 times) and she spent the night. She spent the night each night for the next week and there was a lot of sex.*

 

She continued to send me nudes throughout the days telling me she could not wait to spend another day/night/anything with me. I would meet her for coffee before work and meet for lunch it was almost like we were having an affair. Throughout this whole time she would spend almost all of her free time with her best friend. This went on for about 3 months with her and I exchanging I love yous and can't wait to see you texts. Then one night she texts me in the middle of the night saying how much she missed me and wished I was with her to hold her to sleep then the next day she just fell off the face of the earth she started ignoring me.

 

she wanted you to booty your body over to her place. because she's clingy. not you, her!

I snapchated her a picture while at work saying "I was thinking about her and wished she was there with me for multiple reasons" she texted back saying she had to much going on and we had to be done. I responded with can we at least talk about it? No response I texted her back with ok let me know if you wanna talk. She deleted me from snapchat and went completely dark completely ignoring me at work.

 

she's mad you didn't booty your bod over to her place, at her whim, because she needed you.

 

*The next day she came to work about 20 minutes late and was clearly hung over she walked right up to me and kissed me.

 

she tells you she loves you and she kisses you to placate you. she stayed out very late drinking, with another guy, more then likely, cuz you didn't booty your bod over when she wanted you to.

 

 

I was seriously confused. After being at work for a few hours she needed to go home and I gave her a ride. When dropping her off she kissed my and told me she loved me.(i did not say it back)

 

again, she placates you to get what she needs. as in, go away, just not to far.

 

 

 

After waiting another few days I texted her and told her how confused I was and how it made me feel. She responded with "we just see the world very differently and it can't work"

 

things are going good with the other guy.

 

the next day at work I walk in and am around her for maybe an hour when she looks deep into my eyes and kisses me very passionately. Again I have no idea what is going on in her head. We then don't see each other for several days and we snapchat several times with her telling me of some home troubles and relationship issues with her parents. I told her I was proud of how hard she works and told her I would be there for her if she needed me. The next day she went right back to ignoring me. I caught up to her at work and told her I would like to continue our relationship and playfully said I can't get over your lips. Her response was "you will have to"

 

her parents have an issue with her staying out all night, coming home drunk, going to work late and leaving early. stop telling her you care, she's using you. all she has to do is kiss you and send you a snap "you will be there if she needs you". not on.

 

*I finally had enough and I sent her an email since she ignored my request to meet in person. I told her how stupid the ignoring thing is and how I do not understand all the mixed signals she was giving me. She responded with a knee jerk reaction email about two minutes later saying "I was to clingy and in to much need of attention and that I shouldn't try and make people talk if they do the want to. She also said I should learn that if people ignore you then leave them alone" I responded a few hours later with "thank you for letting me know"

 

finally, the truth, the life lesson. if people ignore you, leave them alone, for good.

 

The next time I saw her at work she was pleasant and nice talking to me and laughing but no physical contact. I pretty much stayed away from her. I was nice and professional. It has now been a week. I will say this she was right that I was being clingy only after she started ignoring me because I had no idea why she was doing it. We literally went from matching each other's texts and her telling me how much she loves me and how much she wants me to her ignoring me over night.

 

again, she's the clingy one. she's also messed up with poor boundaries, family issues and a sever lack of introspection. playing with people does not make you a player it reveals a sever lack of empathy and an inability to perceive that other people possess human emotions. .

 

 

I really want some opinions specifically from women as to what game she is playing?

 

i not sure she's playing at anything. playing any game requires strategy and foresight and a basic understanding of your "opponent" and the rules. she appears to run on impulse and caffeine. imo

 

 

I am not sure how I should treat her or how I should respond. I have not reached out to her or gone out of my way to see her in a week. I really don't know why I'm stuck on this girl as she really has not treated me very well but I do miss her.

 

She is 18 and I am 22.

 

I don't think she is seeing anyone else.

 

she is seeing someone else. unfortunatley it's neither you nor herself.

 

stay away. let her grow up.

[1313]

Thank you for all the responses. I have really been thinking about this a lot and doing some research and I found this article that opened my eyes. It was almost like I was reading about our relationship except in reverse were she the naccasist. If you would like to read it let me now what you think:

 

 

The Three Phases of A Narcissistic Relationship Cycle: Over-Evaluation, Devaluation, Discard

 

2013 - Feb Posted by Savannah Grey 40 comments

 

A relationship with a Narcissist has been compared to being on a roller coaster, with immense highs and immense lows. They have been described as the proverbial Jekyll and Hyde, one way one minute, another the next.

 

People usually get into relationships for love and the need to connect and bond with another. Narcissists get into relationships with women for entirely different reasons. They do not feel love and they lack the ability to connect and form normal attachment bonds with others.

 

Narcissists need people more than anyone. Because their entire sense of self-esteem and self-worth is dependent on the admiration of others, their emotions are a precarious balance of needing others and needing to be left alone.

 

Narcissists feel an enormous void inside of them. This void is ever present and the only thing that fills it, is the love and esteem of another. The fix is always temporary though. A Narcissist describes it this way, “It’s like my brain is constantly seeking something. It’s like I’m always chasing a carrot at the end of a stick. Nothing I do satisfies me, at least not for long. I feel like I only do things because I’m supposed to, because society does it. I don’t feel like I belong anywhere or with anyone.”

 

Narcissists are completely self-absorbed and are oblivious to the wants and needs of others. They enter into relationships in an attempt to fill this void and to make sure that they have someone who is always available for sex, an ego stroke or whatever need they may have. A relationship with a Narcissist always follows three phases, the over-evaluations phase, the devaluation phase and the discard phase.

 

The Over-evaluation Phase

 

A Narcissist is very careful when choosing a target. Typically, they will choose a victim based on their status. They must be attractive, popular, rich or extremely gifted in some area. The greater the status, the higher the value the Narcissist places on the Supply derived.

 

Once a target has been chosen, it’s almost like the Narcissist gets tunnel vision. They are hyper-vigilant in their pursuit and will project the perfect image that their victim wants them to be. They are excessively caring, loving and attentive at this stage. They shower their targets with attention, compliments and literally sweep them off their feet.

 

They place their target on a pedestal, idolize and worship them. Their target is the greatest thing since sliced bread. Here the Narcissist is ecstatic, full of hopes and dreams. They will talk and think about them constantly, they are euphoric. This is as close as a Narcissist will ever get to feeling love. This kind of idolization is what others would call infatuation.

 

The victim is likely so caught up in all the attention and is usually thinking at this point, that she has found her soul-mate. Her pursuer is exactly what she wants in a man (because he is mirroring what he has learned that she wants) and she can’t believe how lucky she is and that he’s still single.

 

What she doesn’t know or could ever be prepared for, is what comes next.

 

The Devaluation Stage

 

The Over-Evaluation phase usually lasts anywhere from a few weeks to a couple of months, just long enough for the Narcissist to be confident that he has secured his target’s love and devotion. Unbeknownst to the target, what she was witnessing in the early phase was the Narcissist’s false self. In this second phase, the mask comes off and the Narcissist starts to reveal his true colours.

 

The shift could be gradual or almost seemingly overnight. Suddenly the attention they so lavishly gave you is gone and replace by indifference and silence. Days or weeks could go by and you won’t hear from them. They don’t return your phone calls, they don’t keep a single promise and you’re starting to suspect that they might be involved with other women. The target is left baffled and confused and wondering what she did wrong to cause such an abrupt turnaround.

 

Narcissists become bored easily and what usually starts happening in their heads at this stage, is that the void begins to emerge again. The high they were feeding off of is waning and they begin to question your worthiness, that perhaps you weren’t so special after all, because if you were then the void wouldn’t still be there.

 

They become moody and agitated easily, blaming you for even the slightest transgression. They start to disappear more frequently and they give you the silent treatment in an attempt to create distance. As the Narcissist withdraws, the target starts to cling and your demands for his attention and your need to understand what’s happening, grate on his nerves. The harder you cling the more the Narcissist pulls away. They start to blame and criticize the target for everything, treating them like an emotional punching bag.

 

At this point the target is an emotional wreck. The Narcissist has left without any explanation and she can’t figure out how one minute she was put on a pedestal and now it’s like she doesn’t even exist. The Narcissist is a projector and he is projecting his emotional turmoil onto you. He feeds off of other people’s misery (as long as it’s caused by him) just as much as he feeds off of your admiration, either way it makes no difference to him.

 

It is this person, this cruel, indifferent, unfeeling, sadist that is the man behind the mask. Most targets desperately try to find the man they fell in love with. What they don’t realize is that that man never existed. He was a facade an act put on by the Narcissist to secure his Supply.

 

The Narcissist will take no responsibility for his actions, because he simply doesn’t care how he’s treated you or how you are feeling.

Narcissists are not capable of forming normal healthy attachments to people. Those that aren’t familiar with the disorder are completely at a loss to understand how unnecessarily cruel their behavior can be. The target was never more than an object to the Narcissist, whose usefulness is on the decline.

 

The Narcissist isn’t one to throw away a potential piece of supply though. He will keep up this I love you, I love you not charade for as long as it suits him or as long as you allow it. He will breeze in and out of your life as if nothing ever happened, completely oblivious and indifferent to your suffering.

 

This mind **** is deliberate and he will keep feeding you crumbs of attention, just enough to keep you emotionally invested and available to cater to his every need.

 

At some point one of two things will happen: either he will find a new target and begin phase one with her, thus ignoring you completely, or you will have had enough of his psychotic abuse and you will take control and put an end to it, thus ushering In phase three.

 

The Discard Phase

 

It is almost baffling to watch the ease at which a Narcissist can pull away from his partners. Many targets are left asking themselves, “Did he ever love me? Did I mean anything to him?” The simple answer is no. No one means anything to him. Women are only a means to an end – to obtain the much needed Narcissistic Supply. Once your usefulness has run its course, you will be discarded abruptly and cruelly, without warning.

 

Trying to get over a relationship with a Narcissist is extremely difficult. Once it is over the target is usually an emotional wreck, whose self-esteem has been annihilated by the persistent demeaning behavior, insults and cruelty of the Narcissist. Depending on when she was able to break free, the target maybe a shadow of her former self, with a lot of work ahead of her to rebuild her shattered self-image.

 

As a victim tries to pick up the pieces, What must be remembered is that you were deliberately targeted, lied to and manipulated by a skilled con-artist, for their own gain. There was nothing you could have done differently and none of this was your fault. The Narcissist will repeat this pattern with every woman, every time, bar none.

 

All former targets must be vigilantly on guard, because a Narcissist always reserves the right to revisit a former source of supply, no matter how much time has passed or how badly they’ve behaved.

 

Once you have broken free you must close the door on any and all contact, because if you don’t you’re headed back to a watered down version of Phase One – lather, rinse, repeat.