GinsbergFowl Posted September 25, 2016 Posted September 25, 2016 (edited) This is getting embarrassing and I'm in desperate need of help. I'm a 30 y/o male. I've been on a decent amount of first dates that go about the same. I sense the girl is interested in me, but I can never escalate things, then the girl gets disappointed and it's pretty much curtains. I'm not the best conversationalist by any stretch, so if I get to a point where the date doesn't feel like a total interview, and there aren't too many awkward silences, I'm pretty relieved. Last night I met a girl at a chic bar. She was all dressed up and I was looking pretty nice too. We got drinks, sat at the bar telling each other about our lives and backgrounds and opinions. She was laughing at my rare jokes, smiling, receptive. I could tell she was interested in more, but I just couldn't figure out what to do. With words I didnt know how to introduce something flirtatious into the mix. With contact, what physical moves could I make to set things rolling? When and where and how could I touch her? I felt like it would just be creepy. So we kept talking. By the end of the night I walked her to her car and got the exact same feeling I always do, "if I go in for the kiss right now it would feel totally out of place." As would a kiss at any other point during the date. I hadn't organically moved things in that direction. Now its over and I'm sure she's sitting with the same feeling most of my first dates get. "Why didn't he make a move? Was he timid? Does he like me? Does he know what he's doing?" Ugh. If anyone has any suggestions I would love to hear them. Thanks. Edited September 25, 2016 by GinsbergFowl
smackie9 Posted September 25, 2016 Posted September 25, 2016 Do a lot of hand holding, hand on the waist, touching, complimenting, smiling, teasing, good eye contact....this is the build up. If she is receptive of you being in her space like that then reach in for a hug, pull back and kiss. Boom done. 1
Author GinsbergFowl Posted September 25, 2016 Author Posted September 25, 2016 You make it sound so easy... Let's see, I do the eye contact and lean in quite regularly and appropriately I think. I smile, I probably could have complimented a little more, I suppose that's a place to start. Teasing, hmm, very minor. I will keep that in mind. Thanks. But the physical stuff is really my barrier. We're both sitting at a bar, turned and facing each other for example. I obviously can't hold her hand then, or grab her waist. Any form of touching just seems wrong. Do I just like brush her knee if she says something funny? Or her forearm? What specifically constitutes appropriate touching? How do I work a hug into conversation? Lol this is giving me nightmares. My parents were never physically warm with me I have no clue how to casually express this. One date I complimented this girl's skirt and brushed the fabric because I said I liked the material. "Oh it's so silky and smooth against your leg." Goodness, someone shoot me. It was so awkward. Like George Costanza in that Seinfeld episode. I dont know how I'm gonna get this right.
Hoosfoos Posted September 25, 2016 Posted September 25, 2016 I agree, go in for the hand hold. It's an affectionate, non-aggressive and easy-to-read move. It is also very easy to reciprocate. If she holds on to your hand after you initiate, you know that the date is going to go in the right direction.
Author GinsbergFowl Posted September 25, 2016 Author Posted September 25, 2016 I agree, go in for the hand hold. It's an affectionate, non-aggressive and easy-to-read move. It is also very easy to reciprocate. If she holds on to your hand after you initiate, you know that the date is going to go in the right direction. So when you say hand hold you mean during the date? Or just on the walk to the car?
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