Is my girlfriend cheating on me while abroad? (Personally moved from cheating topics)

[Zack_67]

Hello there, this is my first post under this name but I've been to this forum before...I seriously hoped that this wouldnt happen, as I was sure that this person would be "the One" but here we are...

 

I've been in a relationship for 10 months. Up until now, it had been extremely fulfilling, I was even afraid my girlfriend was codependent because she could barely let a day go by without seeing me, she would sometimes even skip work to just lay in bed with me and stare at me but I didn't mind since I love her. We just text and share things constantly, all day long as we have very similar interests and a shared sense of humor. We used to, until very very recently, at least...

 

Ever since we started dating, I'd been upfront about my intention of studying in a foreign country; as time went by and I got to know this person better, I pledged to her that I'd be taking her with me. Both of us had been born there so things seemed almost predestined.

 

While the relationship has been great throughout, it started to show some wear when I entered a "super intensive", 4 months long online course to prepare for said foreign country's medical residency exam. This meant that I wasn't freely able to go out due to the heavy study load. During this time I always insisted to my GF that she should spend more time with her friends as we wouldnt be sharing quality time, but instead of this happening it got to a point where she was even living with me at my parents'. I told her that I needed some space to study, and she did dial things down a bit, but we still went on seeing each other 4-5 times a week.

 

Our sex life suffered as I was tired all the time and was afraid of getting her pregnant now (she also didnt want to get the shot, something I'd been asking her for ever since we were steady; many, many pregnancy scares were had), only doing it about once a week and sometimes once every two weeks. She sometimes complained about feeling in a rut but I reassured her that this all had to do with the course and once it was over we could go back to being a normal couple.

 

During this time period, an opportunity for her to take a college course in a country that's in a timezone that's 12 hours away during 2 months "miraculously" came up. I agreed on it and even helped her out with the paperwork. Her departure date was the same as mine. I never even thought that this would bring any kind of strain into our relationship, that's how strong I thought it was...

 

The day before we left we went on a date out of town, exchanged handmade love letters and agreed to stay in touch via Skype and Whatsapp as much as possible.

 

I took my exam, but came just short of hitting my objective (this was my second try). and I told her about this. Initially, my GF went on communicating in a usual manner, but since I had no 3G or whatever over there it was hard to coincide timewise (lots of missed calls coming from her). Communication started dwindling but I thought that it'd pick up once I got back home...this wasn't exactly true, not at all.

 

Once I got here, I noticed that it was harder than ever to stay in touch even though we both now had round the clock internet. Sure, we texted sporadically and only continually when she went to bed always after midnight (1-4 AM) but every time I tried to get her on the phone i'd be cut short, and the excuses came up again and again (her roommate was there, she was too tired to talk even though she usually goes to bed at the aforementioned time).

 

About 2 days after she got there, she started talking to me about a wonderful new male acquaintance she had made. A few days before I got home, she posted an innocent looking picture of her and him. This didnt set me off. What set me off was seeing the dude's mother post a huge heart-eyed smiley in the comments and said douchebag replying with hearts.

 

In another picture my GF posted and tagged indicating that she'd been to dinner with a group of friends (including said scumbag), the guy wrote a comment saying "[she] is soooo beautiful and niiiiceee" along with a huge heart eyed smiley.

 

I couldnt help but question my GF about this and the lack of communication. We had a series of arguments over this, but I've calmed down since.

 

What do you fellow Fmembers make of this?

[Zack_67]

I should add, initially I had a few, minor trust issues. I come from a very chauvinistic and mysoginistic society, and though I've worked on freeing myself of that it's sometimes hard to shake off. What had me worried was that my GF used to say that she didn't like having sex and that she'd been with 2,3 sexual partners at most.

 

This didnt make sense to me as there were many cliched "signs" that in my society contradict that type of behavior; my GF is a smoker, a heavy drinker, she smokes weed, is very outgoing with lots of male friends, has many friends in the local art and music worlds, is inked, does runway modeling, was nearly abandoned by her father at the age of 8, I met her on Tinder, has had "crushes" and "flings" with many acquaintances (4 of them 2 of them close and none from the same social circle)...you get the picture.

 

I liked many of these about her (I drink and smoke weed, am a somewhat outsider musician and I dont see anything wrong about male/female acquaintances).

 

Also, when we began dating and weren't serious yet she popped a very weird question out of the blue...she asked what were my thoughts on open relationships and I told her that I didnt believe in them...after we agreed on going steady we pledged to being faithful to each other.

 

I got over the nagging feeling once I saw how sweet things were with her, and I never got any bad vibes before this happened.

[Zack_67]

Well, I agree with most of the "break up with her" comments"and I know deep inside that that's the way to go. When should I do so, though? Most of my (female) acquaintances tell me to ride it out and wait until she's home but I'm just having a hard time doing so.

 

She does text me constantly and initiate conversation, but the way I see it she just wants the cake and to eat it, too.

 

BTW I think I'll be moving this thread over to the LDR forum (didn't know there was one).

[Zack_67]

NOTE: didn't transcribe the other forum members' posts but most of them were telling me to just move on.

[doyathinkso]

Yeah, because she's got a new boyfriend. Some girls are like monkeys. They won't let go of one branch until they've got a firm grip on another one.

[BluesPower]

In fact, everyone told you to move on.

 

Look, I am kind of harsh sometime with you younger guys.

 

But here is the deal. She screwed you over by screwing another guy(s) when you were supposed to be in an exclusive relationship. She cheated, got that?

 

So just deal with it. Grow a pair and tell her to F*** off and enjoy her new boyfriend. Then, find a new girl to screw.

 

I realize that you are hurt, it happens. Move on and be a man. It is really not that hard. Block her on your phone after you text her, and don't ever, see her again.

 

In fact, let's just send the text right now. And you can go out tonight and get laid. You really will feel so much better.

[justwhoiam]

A few days before I got home, she posted an innocent looking picture of her and him. This didnt set me off. What set me off was seeing the dude's mother post a huge heart-eyed smiley in the comments and said douchebag replying with hearts.

She posted where? Facebook? Is she showing as in a relationship on Facebook?

 

In another picture my GF posted and tagged indicating that she'd been to dinner with a group of friends (including said scumbag), the guy wrote a comment saying "[she] is soooo beautiful and niiiiceee" along with a huge heart eyed smiley.

I guess he's making moves, trying with her. If they were intimate, he'd write: you're so...

He wouldn't be writing addressing her in third person. It looks like she didn't respond, or at least, if she did, you didn't mention it.

 

I couldnt help but question my GF about this

Right. And what did she say?

Also, why didn't you write anything in her pics' comments? Something like: Hi honey, nice pic. I can't wait to have you in my arms.

 

What do you fellow Fmembers make of this?

Fmembers? First explain the above better.