Urgent ! Ex GF agreed to talk..BUT....

[lukedude1]

Hi. Hopefully someone here be able to shed some perspective on my situation. I'll appreciate it.

 

My ex girlfriend of 3 months broke up with me via viber message 9 days ago. Her message read -

 

"Hey...I think I just need to be on my own. I feel like I've met you at the wrong point in my life and I just need to be single and free right now. But thank you for being so lovely."

 

No NC rule was put into action, apart from the fact I didn't reply till the Tuesday as I was gutted. Bearing in mind this was 3 days AFTER we both agreed to find a place and move in together.

 

*Background info* - this isn't the first time she has done this. 2 weeks into the relationship she sends me a viber message (we use viber mainly) saying that she doesn't think she is ready for a relationship right now, and when things become too overwhelming she doesn't handle things at all, but thanked me for the time we had. I replied a few hours later saying that I enjoyed the time we had as it was nice, and all the best for the future. That same evening around 9pm she messaged me saying she regretted sending me the message the moment it was sent, and that she didn't think I would want to take her back. I did though as she was not feeling the best and I did feel it was very sudden and out of nowhere given how well things were going.

 

Skip forward 4 more weeks and she messaged me after I had gone to her house to have dinner and flick through her old photos. She wanted to slow things down and not to take it the wrong way but it takes her a while to develop strong feelings for someone and she felt I was feeling more than she was.

 

Last Wednesday night I sent her a message detailing several points but essentially its all too crazy when two people who really like each other a lot just end things without talking things through.

 

Her Response - "I liked what we had together as well. Of course I still have feelings for you. I just don't really know where I am with myself in life at the moment. I think karma has hit me for letting someone like you go - ive been in bed sick for 3days now.. hahah. Oh and my grandmother wanted to strangle me when she found out I broke it off. She loves you haha. X. I guess everything happens for a reason though. Who knows what the future holds. X"

 

I sent two messages in reply but deleted them. It showed on viber as having been deleted. She obviously saw that the next morning and sent - "Anyway. Hope you're well. X". Then the messages ensued. Good ones though. I mentioned that I might have to give her first prize at the nitwit award, to which she replied "Yes you can. X." Then I said "I'll think about it, I might have to claim it for myself ;)" She said "Think I might take it out. I'm the stupid nitwit who does/says stupid things.." Then went on to tell me about her upcoming award.

 

Later that day she proceeded to ask me "How are you anyway? X"

I didn't reply. Thinking it might be best if I don't say "I miss you!".

4 hours later I received "I think it's best if we just leave it as friends. Obviously you're moving on. And so am I. Good luck with anything anyway."

 

I replied with "Thank you, all the best with you". I said this as I didn't want to sound like I was pining. But I really wanted to say "Nooooooo!".

 

The next morning at 4am I couldn't sleep. I sent this "Ahhh 4.11am and I realise I should have my arm over you. Bl**dy hell *name* - what the hell are we doing. Is this really what you want?"

at 8.28am she replied "There's a difference between missing someone a lot and just being lonely.. I hate games and that's what you seem to be doing.."

 

I sent one big message thereafter. Telling her I miss her more than she realises right now, and that I just want to talk. It must've worked, because her reply was "Why don't we just talk some time then? I'm sick of this back and fourth texting.." I replied saying "Same. And yeah, I think that's a good idea. Whenever you're free and able". Her reply was "Well, not like I'm doing much at the moment. Just laying in bed trying to get better. Just whenever x". (She has the flu and has had 5 days off work).

 

So, after that I THOUGHT I had a good chance of perhaps of talking things through. Messages ensued the whole night right up till 1130pm. Amongst the messages from her were "Am I allowed to ask how you're doing? X" I said "Of course you can, what do you want to know?" she said "I don't know. How are you? How's your week been? X...Just stuff I've missed.. I do miss you."

 

We ended the conversation Thursday night.

 

I waited all day Friday to see if she would initiate the first message. Usually she would do so in our relationship. She didn't. I kept waiting. Nothing. I wanted to message her so bad but I left it. Evening rolled around and still nothing. I was freaking out thinking she might have other interest. Couldn't really understand why she wouldn't want to message me all day given our previous night of good message conversation!

 

On Saturday morning I couldn't handle it any longer and had to message her...6.10am "Hey...how did it go yesterday at the doctors, you're still alive I assume? Lol." She replied 7.26am "I started feeling a bit more alive yesterday so I didn't end up going. Still got the flu but not as bad! X" then another message directly after..."Dad had an opening party for his workshop last night so was a bit of a late night.. probably shouldn't of been drinking.. oops haha. X" I replied "hahahaha omg. Hope you didn't drive drunk x". She replied "Nah My step mums mother and step dad drove. I stayed here :)"

 

By saying "stayed here", I assumed she meant she stayed the night at her Dads. I thought to get that message was good because I never actually asked her for that information.

 

I went on to say...7.38am "Aww that was nice of them was it out at his workshop in *area* ? Hope you enjoyed yourself x..And I'm really glad you're feeling much better too."

 

Now...this next message, for all it's context and the time it was sent has made me feel uneasy. She sent me a reply at 8:03pm!!

 

"Yeah I did enjoy myself. Yep was at his new workshop out in *area*. It'sso big compared to the old one. Saw that guy Craig that *flatmate* was/is seeing so caught up with him and then was stuck serving drinks all night hahaha. Some creepy old boaties out there though....iccccck. Hope your day was good"

 

And that's where it stands. It's now Sunday here. 2:20pm. And I haven't replied to her last message. Nor has she sent any further messages.

 

I'm REALLY unsure what on earth I should do now! I tend to read into her messages a lot, and I fear the worst that by "caught up with" she had a good old chin wag with this Craig guy and told him that she's single now and blah blah..and maybe numbers were exchanged (yes, only an assumption), as she was drinking. She did say she enjoyed herself. But no question in her response - t was a closed response I guess.

 

My dilemma is this - days earlier we agreed to talk. No date has been arranged, although she did leave this up to me from what I gather by her saying "Just whenever". NOW, I just get this awful feeling that with the whole 12 hour delay in replying, and not asking me anything, that she just doesn't want to drag this out any longer?? Maybe she has changed her mind about wanting to have a talk but doesn't know how to tell me?

 

At the moment I'm of the mind to go NC, even if she does send another message. But...I know her...she is likely to think I can't be bothered now andam not interested or can't be bothered because I haven't replied?

 

Who knows.But I tell you what I do need - some good advice!

 

Do I message her now, raising the point about having that talk, or do I go NC from this point on?

 

Help please!

[JewelD]

Well you said you were going to implement no contact at the beginning of your post and then you went on and had this whole friendship with her afterwards. None of that conversation is remotely important to the situation at hand. She said she does not want to be with you and she's been pretty clear about that. You should do no contact and do it the right way, which would mean blocking her so you don't receive any of her messages.

[wow123]

She's stringing you along man. Stop talking to her for your own sanity. This is not going to end well.

[Blanco]

What a headache for a three-month relationship.

[PrettyEmily77]

I received "I think it's best if we just leave it as friends. Obviously you're moving on. And so am I. Good luck with anything anyway."

 

I replied with "Thank you, all the best with you".

 

That's what I got from the whole series of conversations. You don't really need to do anything - the 'friendship' has pretty much been established, and that's that.

[juniorrocha]

lukedude1. It was a 3 months relationship. Yep, it may seem like a long time, but it's not.

 

During that short time, she broke up with you twice. And you keep trying to pursue her back. Now you're playing games - and she knows it. Love/relationships shouldn't be hard like that.

 

Imo, you should let her go. What's the point of being in a relationship with someone so unstable?

 

Free yourself so eventually you can find someone who fits you better.

[sooshi]

OP, I saw that this was a three-month relationship, and read very little of the post.

 

Even so, I could tell by the tone and length of your post that this relationship wasn't healthy.

 

Too much drama for only three months.

 

Focus on loving yourself so that you can be happier and healthier, and then you'll be able to attract a partner of a similar calibre.

 

Take care.

[aloneinaz]

What a headache for a three-month relationship.

 

Exactly! WWAAAYYYY to much childish drama, BS and games for such a short R/S with a clearly screwed up drama queen.

 

OP, find your self respect and never speak to her again..

[bubbaganoosh]

How many times you going to get dumped before you wise up and end this?

 

I know once would be enough for me and it should be for you too. Just move one and find someone not as flakey.

[ExpatInItaly]

Forget this girl.

 

She is playing major games with you and will drop you again like a bad habit when she meets someone new.

 

You're going to get badly hurt if you continue to stay in touch with her.

[Satu]

These interchanges are an exercise in futility.

 

When someone decides its over, it is over.

 

The 'friends' thing is unworkable, because you're not a friend. You're a heartbroken ex, who desperately wants her back. You're an ex who is worried about her finding a new boyfriend.

 

You're not friends, and at the moment you can't be friends.

 

These messages are making it impossible for you to heal and move on.

 

I know the idea won't hold any appeal for you, but NC is your best way forward.

 

Make your own healing your top priority.

 

 

*No direct contact.

*No sending or receiving of messages.

*Block any means she might use to contact you.

*No replies to anything that gets through your blocks.

*No indirect contact through third parties.

*De-friend or delete from all social media.

*No monitoring of her on social media.

*No 'little birds' feeding you news.

*Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying.

 

 

Take care.

[smudge21]

No Contact means no contact. It's in place for you to heal and get over someone. You basically went from nothing to agreeing to be her friend. The way those text conversations went (yuk) started with some serious "miss you, want to see you" type of thing, and then all chummy and friendly, gone was the emotion and in was the friend stuff. Re-read them through and you'll see. You've basically allowed her to turn this into a friendship now, when she wants it and at her pace. If that's what you want, then fair enough, but understand that's all it will ever be. If you truly are still hurting over her, then cut all contact and this time mean it. Tell her straight if you have to and then walk away.