mrtwisty Posted July 7, 2005 Posted July 7, 2005 Gday, Im new to this forum, just hoping for some friendly advice. Im usually the one sorting out all my friend's relationship problems, but i cant work out my own here! My sincere apologies if i have posted in the wrong area here! Me and my girl have been going out for 10 months now, im 22, she is 20. We are in love, and very happy. She is an extremly clingy person, wants to see me all day everyday, sometimes 20 or so sms's per day! Doesnt really suit me to a tea because im a very independant person who likes his space. Nevertheless i approached her on this topic, and it upsets her and then i feel like the bad guy! I was really nice on the approach and i reassure her all the time she has nothing to worry about! Nevertheless a few weeks ago she all of a sudden went a bit wierd on me - the kind of wierd when you know something is wrong - the type you get when you feel your partner wants to break up with you. I prepared for the imminent, but it didnt turn out like that - she was simply 'giving me my space' apparently, but i knew there was something else. Even more of a problem now is that she had an extremly large sex drive, which i worked hard from the start to make her enjoy sex (her previous was crap apparently), she would crave it nearly every day without fail and i would oblige. All the time she would refer to me as magic and i would do anything she would want to make her feel good, i cant satisfy her enough. Nevertheless after this 'strange' week (which was 2 weeks ago) we resolved the issue of her 'doing it to give me space yarder yarder yarder' and she said she was back to normal, except all of a sudden, things have stopped, im lucky if she wants it once a week, and everytime i make the attempt to start her, she pushes me away, even if i say i dont want to do anything, just please her. these 'once a week' episodes are pitiful as she is 'tired' (which is the excuse for any attempt to do anything) and she wont put the effort in do do anything - the 'starfish.' then after a few minutes, she makes excuses like she is hurting (headache etc), which i dont ignore obviously, i just stop which then makes her even madder! She is never usually a moody person in all the time ive known her, and nothing major is occuring in her life that i know of. I get the very feeling of rejection at the moment, which i cant understand because she tells me she loves me all the time and things are fine as normal. I do however get the feeling that she is hiding something, and on approach of this question, she gets very defensive saying nothing is wrong! I feel i cant talk about anything along all of these lines with her because i try and she doesnt want to talk of it, it usually results in her balling her eyes out and apologising saying she will try improve?? Help! Thanks in advance for your words of wisdom! Best regards Damian.
LucreziaBorgia Posted July 7, 2005 Posted July 7, 2005 Her emotional investment in you is dwindling. It is likely she is harboring some unspoken hostility and anger toward you, which in part led her to the place she is now. Is she sharing that place with some other guy? Perhaps. Clingy girls like that don't just become magically 'unclingy' that quickly - they generally tend to transfer the cling onto some other guy. What you will need to do now is to stop trying to fix things without knowing what it is that needs to be fixed. That sort of thing only drives people further away. What to do? Sit her down. Tell her seriously, and all relationship type stuff aside that the two of you need to talk. Tell her everything that is bothering you. Don't leave anything out. Do not be confrontational or angry - it is of the utmost importance that you remain as flat and unemotional as you can. Simply ask her calmly what is going on and ask her to tell you the truth. Tell her that you are willing to hear the truth for better or for worse. Then ask her what you two can do to fix this situation, sexually and emotionally. If you want to be on the daring side and your gut tells you that you are right about this: tell her that you already know about the other guy and that you just want to hear it from her. The more calm and straightforward you are about it, the more likely she will believe you already know and then just give up the truth. Remember: calm, no anger, no shouting, no threats - just present yourself as resigned, accepting and ready to move on in a positive direction with her. If it does turn out she is seeing some other guy, then you can decide then what direction you want to take things. If she does admit it, just calmly ask her to leave so that you can think. Ask her not to contact you in any way, shape or form. Then... think it over. What do you want from this relationship? Are you sure you want it with her?
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