Gigolo: The Boyfriend Experience

[minimariah]

And that's ALL of them.

 

not really -- sex workers usually don't talk... unless it's dirty talk. there are lots of different sex workers though; for example... you won't hear how you deserve better than what you're getting at home from a Red Light District prostitute in Amsterdam. she won't flatter you, either. that's her JOB - on daily basis. you MIGHT hear that from a high class escort payed for companionship, too. and many sex workers can CHOOSE - meaning, they'll genuinely like you and be attracted to you; those are the workers who do it on the side as a plus job... every once in a while.

 

many different situations.

besides - when a sex worker flatter you... you both know they're lying (doing their job). so most of

them are honest, it's an "open cards" kind of deal.

Edited September 26, 2016 by minimariah

[BlueIris]

I have to disagree that the sex workers are honest about the deal. They are often not honest about it. A whole lot of them are con artists. You can't say someone is honest about it if half their job is telling you how wonderful and handsome you are and how you deserve better than you're getting at home with the wife. And that's ALL of them.

 

Could be. But I think that being nice and complimentary is part of the service. I don't know how the numbers fall. Actually, the most I know about it was a former frequent poster here who had sugar babies and his favorite had been honest with him... then when I was in college there was a scandal where a couple/few girls were prostitutes on Friday and Saturday nights because they could make more money in less time doing that than working in a lab for minimum wage 20 hours a week. Admittedly a pretty small sample size!

[SammySammy]

Could be. But I think that being nice and complimentary is part of the service. I don't know how the numbers fall. Actually, the most I know about it was a former frequent poster here who had sugar babies and his favorite had been honest with him... then when I was in college there was a scandal where a couple/few girls were prostitutes on Friday and Saturday nights because they could make more money in less time doing that than working in a lab for minimum wage 20 hours a week. Admittedly a pretty small sample size!

 

It may sound cliche, but some college guys got involved with stripping for bachelorette parties and the resulting ... gigs ... for the same reason. More money in one night than some students made in weeks.

 

The consequences though. Even many years later.

[dreamingoftigers]

Actually for myself it would be the (assumed) higher number of sex partners. Since I have only slept with two people, I am not interested in being with someone that has slept with a lot of people. Just a preference of mine. Being a paid companion isn't an issue for me, just having sex with a large number of people would be. So that would be an issue with others then as well.

 

I have a low-number too.

 

I married someone with a high number. And it has really, really really sucked. I would never repeat that.

[minimariah]

It may sound cliche, but some college guys got involved with stripping for bachelorette parties and the resulting ... gigs ... for the same reason. More money in one night than some students made in weeks.

 

The consequences though. Even many years later.

 

you know... it often seems (to me) that the people with "such past" judge themselves the MOST - a lot of it is projected. and it's different when a guy does it during his college years and when he does it for YEARS as a serious job.

[BlueIris]

It may sound cliche, but some college guys got involved with stripping for bachelorette parties and the resulting ... gigs ... for the same reason. More money in one night than some students made in weeks.

 

The consequences though. Even many years later.

 

Yeah, but silver lining - it's also a good filtering method in the future because a guy or girl who strips probably won't mesh with someone who views stripping very negatively. Just like some folks do not want to date someone who's slept with x number of people. It's good to know that you have such different sensibilities.

[dreamingoftigers]

The best is a loving relationship in which both people are fair and honest about sex and money and neither person views it as a money/sex exchange.

 

But lots of people don't. Gigolos, prostitutes, sugar daddies and babies, Johns (and Janes?) are honest about the “deal.” I think that’s better than the people who aren't honest about it and run a balance sheet in their heads or get into a twist about money and dating, money and marriage, being taken advantage of financially, marrying for money or using money to lure sex, not getting enough considering how much money they’re spending, and on and on. The wailing about money is so annoying I actually respect people who are forthright about the exchange more than I respect the secret exchange-thinkers.

 

I can respect the sentiment, but I don't really respect either practice. (I.e. the ones who do sex for money and the ones who do money and sex as power-plays in a relationship and over-analyze and scorekeep every transaction.)

[BlueIris]

I can respect the sentiment, but I don't really respect either practice. (I.e. the ones who do sex for money and the ones who do money and sex as power-plays in a relationship and over-analyze and scorekeep every transaction.)

And it's best that we choose partners that align with our thinking on so many things.

[SammySammy]

Yeah, but silver lining - it's also a good filtering method in the future because a guy or girl who strips probably won't mesh with someone who views stripping very negatively. Just like some folks do not want to date someone who's slept with x number of people. It's good to know that you have such different sensibilities.

 

True. Squares and circles.

 

"Keep those squares out of your circle."

 

Timeless wisdom too soon forgotten.

[No_Go]

1. Is there a stigma among women toward women who may use a gigolo? Absolutely - worse than for men using prostitutes, because women are in general afraid that the need to pay for sex means that they are not attractive enough (obviously there are 100 different explanations, but the nagging question 'Will people think I'm unattractive?' stays)

 

2. If a man had been a stripper or gigolo in his past is that something you would always want to know? Or is there a time period after which it is no longer important? Would you consider a man who had been a stripper or gigolo dating or marriage material?

Yes - like with resume for a job, I want to know the sexual history of a potential (sexual) partner. Time matters to some extent, as it will matter for any other job. But it never loses importance 100% because it is part of the person's history and reflects their values. Whether such a person is a marriage material or not depends on the whole package deal, but it is a pretty significant negative.

 

I've dated men that I had to support, and although they were not 'official' gigolos that's how it felt like. The dude that I paid most for (lol because I couldn't kick him out for logistic reasons - shared lease etc) - in the end I was just using him for sexual experimentation, I had zero respect for him. I guess something similar will happen with a 'real' gigolo ? Or maybe not, because the pay there will be on the table upfront.

 

Btw my gigolo-like ex used to support himself prior and after me by hopping into different live-in relationships, and in between - casual 'nights out' where he was 'treated' for 'favors' from both males and females (his favorite stories were for attendance of gay bars where he 'social engineered men to buy him drinks). This dude was such a 'winner.'

 

Gigolo: The Boyfriend Experience

 

A recent thread mentioned women paying for ... companionship. Sex. Some seem to be against it. Some are in favor of it.

 

My question is two-fold:

 

1. Is there a stigma among women toward women who may use a gigolo?

 

2. If a man had been a stripper or gigolo in his past is that something you would always want to know? Or is there a time period after which it is no longer important? Would you consider a man who had been a stripper or gigolo dating or marriage material?

[SammySammy]

1. Is there a stigma among women toward women who may use a gigolo? Absolutely - worse than for men using prostitutes, because women are in general afraid that the need to pay for sex means that they are not attractive enough (obviously there are 100 different explanations, but the nagging question 'Will people think I'm unattractive?' stays)

 

Wow. I never considered the attraction angle. Good insight.

 

I don't think it applies to every situation. I think some women who are attractive - and may already have a man - do it for convenience. Some do it for the fantasy or to get something they are missing elsewhere in their lives. Much like men.

 

I'm pretty sure many of them are not worried about their attractiveness or their ability to get a man.

 

I can understand how some women may feel that way though.

[Miss Peach]

For me, I find it a turn on that a man is turned on over me and wants me. I would find it much harder to feel that way in a gigolo situation. It's also really hard for me to enjoy the touch of a man I don't respect.

[RecentChange]

Yep. Touching on some of the same points other women have made:

 

As a female, it's easy to get sex, we don't have to pay for it.

 

I want to know he is attracted to me - that REALLY plays into my arousal, I can't imagine getting turned on if I knew I paid for his company.

 

I need to respect him on some level, be it enamoured with his brain, or maybe simply his "game" and ability to pull me, if I paid for him, that's all gone.

 

So, hiring a gigolo has no appeal to me. It's easy enough to procure some NSA as it is, and part of the fun is the tease, the dance, the mutual attraction - make it a financial attraction? Where is the fun in that?

 

If men had it as easy as women do to get sex there would be hardly any prostitution, just like hetero gigolos are few in numbers.

 

And that's one other thing, how many male sex workers truly cater to women only? The few strip routines I have seen seemed more directed to gay males - than hetero females. For most of us, stripping on command, shaved oiled bodies, and banana hangers..... is kinda emasculated. Not a turn on for me that's for sure!

[No_Go]

The attraction thing is big time peer pressure. I notice it big time in the US where women seem to mainly associate their dating value with looks, men with money. I feel like it is less that way in Europe (or I just interacted with more heterogeneous group of people there).

 

I suspect men that are ashamed of paid sex have similar attraction complex (I'm not good enough so I need to pay her).

 

Reasons that you listed are valid as well. With my gigolo-like ex, I enjoyed trying things that I won't do with a marriage-material guy - because i didn't care what he thinks, will he judge me etc.

 

Power is arousing for both sexes I think, paying is an act of power. I think alpha-women like alpha-men enjoy the power games, women though are less prone to admit it because it is not considered lady-like...

 

Wow. I never considered the attraction angle. Good insight.

 

I don't think it applies to every situation. I think some women who are attractive - and may already have a man - do it for convenience. Some do it for the fantasy or to get something they are missing elsewhere in their lives. Much like men.

 

I'm pretty sure many of them are not worried about their attractiveness or their ability to get a man.

 

I can understand how some women may feel that way though.

[losangelena]

I don't think a distant past of sex work would be a deal-breaker for me if I met a man who I really liked.

 

I don't necessarily see the logic of disqualifying a man just for that reason. I can't image many women would look at someone like Channing Tatum (who WAS a stripper) and go, "eww no, thank you." I mean, I have things in my past that I would not want to be disqualified over—I was a virgin until I was 33; I weighed over 300-lbs in high school/college—these things are things that yes, may inform my now, but they don't define it.

 

Different strokes, I suppose, but you can count me in the column of those who don't care.

[Toodaloo]

I understand how you feel about dating someone currently in the sex game. I get that, totally.

 

Could you feel differently about someone you met under different circumstances and that behavior was in their distant past? Someone you liked and was interested in? Could you give him a chance or would he always be off limits because of his past?

 

Off limits simply because at some point they have been using sex as a business transaction. I view sex as a spiritual bonding between two people. Perhaps not love, perhaps just for one night but its more than just a penis poking into a vagina.

 

Stripping fine. But the rest is stepping over the line.

 

A belief like this is very much at the core of a persons entity and who they are. I get that some people have tough times and do what they can but this is taking that step too far. Heck I have been there. I have been homeless and broke and desperate in the past but I didn't sell my body or soul.

 

As a friend OK, I actually have no problems with people doing what they want with their bodies and it is their choice. As a partner no. There is a big difference between a friendship and a partnership. If I am going to allow someone that close to me then they have to have the same core beliefs as I do. My partners are not "disposable" in any sense of the word.

[Emilia]

To me the issue would be how damaged the person was from the experience. Of course I realise everyone has their issues but why compound it by something that's avoidable.

 

I don't really believe you can sell yourself, your looks, your personality for money and not be damaged by it. Being judged especially for looks, like cattle in the market, a piece of meat.

 

If a man told me he was such a 'stud' that something like this didn't damage him emotionally, that would be just as much of a dealbreaker.

 

I know it's not politically correct to judge people for their lifestyle choices but I wouldn't trust anyone who carelessly put themselves in emotional harm, who either thought so little of themselves that this was acceptable or had so little awareness that they didn't think it would damage their lives somehow.

 

I think prostitution is for the emotionally or mentally desperate and I don't want to date desperate people.

[SammySammy]

To me the issue would be how damaged the person was from the experience. Of course I realise everyone has their issues but why compound it by something that's avoidable.

 

I don't really believe you can sell yourself, your looks, your personality for money and not be damaged by it. Being judged especially for looks, like cattle in the market, a piece of meat.

 

If a man told me he was such a 'stud' that something like this didn't damage him emotionally, that would be just as much of a dealbreaker.

 

I know it's not politically correct to judge people for their lifestyle choices but I wouldn't trust anyone who carelessly put themselves in emotional harm, who either thought so little of themselves that this was acceptable or had so little awareness that they didn't think it would damage their lives somehow.

 

I think prostitution is for the emotionally or mentally desperate and I don't want to date desperate people.

 

Wow. Such interesting perspectives.

 

He would challenge every assertion or presumption you made.

 

Beyond being judged, he doesn't feel damaged by the experience. Not any more than someone who had sex with various partners for free.

 

He doesn't think of himself as a stud, but women have always treated him different. Without knowing anything about him or his past, women still proposition him. Women half his age stop and stare. He's quite humbled and, at times, baffled by the attention, but it is what it is.

 

We all sell ourselves to some extent. To get a job, to our clients, to our sexual interests, to our friends, we all sell ourselves. Our talents and, particularly, our looks. Though some of us choose not to focus on it, how we present ourselves matters.

 

He also wouldn't think it was a careless or desperate decision.

 

He was working in a men's clothing store. A male stripper came in looking for something to wear for an upcoming event. After an interesting conversation, the stripper told him that they usually had a team of three guys and one guy couldn't perform the upcoming weekend. Offered him a chance to stand in. It seemed to be something fun to do and he did it. Nothing more. One thing led to another.

 

The bachelorette party was as expected. The offers to meet - and pay - afterwards were a surprise. As were the referrals. Still, it was nothing more than an interesting chapter in his life. Not a decision made out of desperation.

 

There is a misconception that people in the sex trade are inherently flawed or damaged. Unless they are trafficked or forced, people choose to do what they do. For various reasons. However, some don't see what they do as any different from what a model, actor, or athlete does. Put their looks and body on the the line - for money. And have fun doing it.

[Miss Peach]

I'll be brutally honest and say I've thought about it before. I'm not damaged or desperate. I am actually sort of old fashioned in comparison to a lot of the stories I read on here in that I prefer to have sex with a BF and have that connection.

 

Many people in that field can work just a few days per month and make good money. I knew someone in college who used to fly to Vegas for the weekend and strip and she paid for her college tuition at a private college and living expenses that way. The idea of not having to worry about money and spend my free time doing more important things has some appeal to me. I enjoy sex. I can separate my emotions for a period of time.

[PrettyEmily77]

Strangely, I'd feel more at ease with an ex-gigolo who is comfortable with his past than with a 'player'. I'd assume the guy is actually better equipped at knowing the difference between work and a genuine connection, and if he was going to be interested in someone 'off duty', there's less ambiguity over his interest.

 

I draw the line at current gigolo, though; of course I have no first or second hand (or any) experience of this so this is totally theoretical, but I'm inclined to think that it is very difficult for active sex workers to have a fully functioning, healthy family life; it puts too much unfair pressure on the partner or children and is a bit on the selfish side, even though I'm sure some people manage to juggle it all just fine.

[Got it]

I have a low-number too.

 

I married someone with a high number. And it has really, really really sucked. I would never repeat that.

 

Sorry dreaming.

[Popsicle]

I have to disagree that the sex workers are honest about the deal. They are often not honest about it. A whole lot of them are con artists. You can't say someone is honest about it if half their job is telling you how wonderful and handsome you are and how you deserve better than you're getting at home with the wife. And that's ALL of them.

 

You forgot....how good the sex is (better than anyone else they've been with) -The girlfriend experience.

 

I wouldnt go with a former gigolo or stripper but there are women who would. You just have to find them. Same is true for women who are former prostitues or strippers.

Edited September 30, 2016 by Popsicle

[Els]

I do think there is some social stigma against women who use gigolos. The idea being that women are generally the 'gatekeepers' when it comes to sex, so a woman who needs to pay for it might be seen as less desirable. However, from what I've seen, this isn't always the case - they usually aren't paying for 'just' sex. They are usually paying for a specific type of sex with a specific type of man, and perhaps also paying for a session where the focus is 100% on them without any need for reciprocation. Either way, no judgement from me.

 

It's possible that a guy having been a gigolo wouldn't be a deal breaker for me if the circumstances warranted it. If someone has to put food on the table, and isn't harming anyone, I think I could understand why they might have had to resort to prostitution.