Liliana25 Posted September 23, 2016 Posted September 23, 2016 (edited) Me and my boyfriend were together for nine months and I was so happy. Suddenly, he broke up with me and I don’t understand why. He said he thinks we’re not suited, have little in common and have different life experiences but I don’t understand how this can be as from the start we got along really well and our relationship seemed so perfect. I think we are really well suited and have so much in common. We have many of the same tastes in films, music and books. We both like finding new and interesting stuff to do. We love talking and find conversation really easy and interesting. We have the same worldview and outlook on life. We both felt a real emotional connection. We had our own private jokes and pet names. It sometimes felt like I was chasing him because I often texted first to confirm dates. We would talk about the next date when we were saying goodbye and he would often be the one to ask me to do something. However, when it came to confirming the night before or the morning of he wouldn't confirm and I had to text him first. Sometimes, he wouldn’t let me know where and when we were meeting until a few hours before which made me think he didn’t want to but then I'd get a text and he'd be really happy that he was seeing me. I just took this a quirk of his personality and tried to adapt. I like to plan ahead whereas he seemed more spontaneous. He was always really happy to see me. He was also very loving and caring in his actions towards me, concerned about me if I did something simple like tripping over! He was always planning surprises and doing little romantic things. He took me for dinner, on the London Eye and booked a hotel for Valentine’s Day. I went away on holiday and he booked a hotel so we could spend the night together before not seeing each other for two weeks. He surprised me with dinner and a night out at the theatre for my birthday. He always wanted me to have a good time on our dates, he constantly talked about how much he missed me, when I was away he texted every day saying he missed me, how he couldn't wait to see me, about all the things we would do in the future. He also said he really cared about me and could fall in love with me. We never argued, we had a couple of disagreements but they were always respectful. I think the only problem was that our relationship was long-distance so sex wasn't often. When we did do it, it was really passionate. He also had problems keeping an erection. I supported him about this. I never made fun and told him that it happens. He also always said that he loved my body and I was so beautiful. Regarding the distance, we actually both live in the same city (London) and saw each other two, sometimes three times a week. However, I live in the south and he lives in the north and it took over an hour to get to each other, plus we both work so most Saturdays we met up in central instead of each other's houses. We met up at each other's house about once a month but sometimes he didn't even want sex. We were intimate and did stuff but there were times he just wanted to cuddle or we fell asleep holding each other. So if sex was the reason, I don't understand this because it seemed like he was more interested in the cuddling and closeness. He introduced me to his friends and family and I introduced him to mine. This was just a couple of months before we broke up. I had no reason to think anything was wrong. Why would a man introduce you to his friends and family if he wasn't serious? I was definitely seeing a future with him. I think what really hurts is that he didn't discuss any issues with me, he just broke up. It’s been nearly two weeks and I'm really struggling to cope because it just seemed like such a perfect relationship. I really miss him and the idea of not seeing him again really hurts. I am so confused and hurting. I just don’t understand why because he was so into me. He showed me things that meant a lot to him, like his favourite show, which is really close to his heart. He took me to his favourite places. I really felt we had a deep emotional connection. We had so much fun together, laughed a lot. I felt this relationship was so right. His family even commented that he was totally devoted to me. He also said he felt he knew me as a friend but didn’t feel like he “knew me as a romantic partner”. When he broke up with me I feel like I should’ve been stronger. I feel like I showed him weakness because I just cried the whole time. My job and my friends and family take my mind off things. I have hobbies and I play sports. I have a pretty active lifestyle. Still, I cry a lot and just feel so sad and lonely. I have not contacted him at all. I have removed him from my contacts and from Facebook as I feel I can move on easier that way. I do want him back though but I don't want to chase after him. Some people have suggested not to contact him at all and he might want to start things up again in the future and I can see how I feel then. He said he might change his mind in a couple of months but right now he can't see us as being more than friends. He has suggested being friends but I feel it's just too painful for me at the moment. Is there any hope for us getting back together? How long should I wait to contact him? Thanks for reading. Edited September 23, 2016 by Liliana25
Marco Valerio Posted September 23, 2016 Posted September 23, 2016 (edited) Hello my dear friend , Let me point out to you, . If someone sees the worth in you, and wants to be with in a relationship with you, they'll do anything to be with you. . Don't treat someone as a priority when they treat you as an option. . Never be someone's second dish or their safety blanket. He chose not to be in your life, don't be that idiot and suffer for someone who doesn't care enough about you Edited September 23, 2016 by Marco Valerio 3
preraph Posted September 23, 2016 Posted September 23, 2016 It sounds like he put in a good effort to keep you happy during the relationship and took his best shot but in the end, he hit the wall and just decided it wasn't enough and there was something missing you couldn't give him. It's also possible he met someone new and isn't about to tell you that, of course. Maybe he found you sweet but not stimulating intellectually or maybe he found you stimulating intellectually but not sweet. I will just say if someone tells you you're not a match, you have to move on because it takes two to make a relationship. I'm sorry. Please call your friends and revitalilze your social life and try not to focus on it for very long. 1
stillafool Posted September 23, 2016 Posted September 23, 2016 I commend you for going NC right away. You are correct that you two can't be friends because your feelings, understandably, are too raw. You are doing the right thing by getting out with friends, family and sports. Do not hold out hope that you two will get back together becaue that will prevent you from moving on. Good luck. 3
Shanex Posted September 23, 2016 Posted September 23, 2016 He was absolutely genuine during the relationship. You just don't introduce friends and family to your girlfriend without thinking long-term. Not to mention everything you've just lay out about him. Simple answer: you guys either run your course or he has met someone else and doesn't want to tell you. Because he doesn't want to hurt you. While he was a good boyfriend, he didn't handle the breakup very well. Maybe you were owed more than 'we are not suited' after all. I don't think you should look back though. Not now, not in future. 2
aloneinaz Posted September 23, 2016 Posted September 23, 2016 I think you're doing all the right things as far as blocking him on social media, hopefully your phone and staying busy with hobbies, sports and friends. I agree with the others. He either met someone else or he just wasn't feeling it any longer and ended the relationship as a result. I do think you need to change your thinking about a possible reconciliation. You don't want to be someone's fall back. If he did come back, it would be because he got lonely and "settled" for you until something better came along. When I'm madly in love with someone, the last thing I'd ever do is break up with them. In almost all cases like this, he's been thinking about breaking up long before he told you. When I ended relationships, my mind was made up. Many folks get dumped and would NEVER date the person again, so I never made that decision lightly. People deserve to end a relationship when they are not feeling it any longer. We hope they do it with care and kindness. We have to accept their feelings. After that, we should end all contact, block on everything, heal and move onto someone else. Look towards the future. Maybe you'll meet someone that's in your part of town who possess a strong sexual desire and has all his equipment working! Stay NC and keep him out of sight, out of mind. You'll be feeling better much faster if you do. 3
Author Liliana25 Posted September 25, 2016 Author Posted September 25, 2016 Thanks for the replies. It's also possible he met someone new and isn't about to tell you that, of course. Maybe he found you sweet but not stimulating intellectually or maybe he found you stimulating intellectually but not sweet. I will just say if someone tells you you're not a match, you have to move on because it takes two to make a relationship. He was always talking about how sweet I was but also how interesting. He said he loved talking with me and we talked about all kinds of intellectual things. I don't think he found someone else. He may have, but I don't think he did. He has a full-time job. We saw each other several times a week and he had a lot of hobbies, went hiking often and went to the gym so I don't think he had time. aloneinaz - Yes, I know what you mean. Part of me wants him back but the other part doesn't because how can I be sure he wouldn't hurt me again by breaking up with me a second time? Especially as I don't even know why we broke up the first time. I just felt we were made for each other and I thought he felt the same. Thanks very much for the support everyone, I feel a bit better.
Lorenza Posted September 25, 2016 Posted September 25, 2016 I agree with Marco - if a guy wants to be with you, nothing will stop him. He won't have doubts, he won't make up excuses - he'll just go for it. Imagine having all these feelings for your boyfriend, being completely sure that you want to be with him and breaking up with him anyway - impossible, right? But for him it's possible. Because he doesn't feel the same way about you. Maybe it's the distance, maybe the sex. Or maybe his feelings just changed. People aren't that consistent when it comes to love nowadays. I would not count on anyone's feelings to last, even though they show all the signs of being serious about you, like introducing to their families etc. Good luck! 2
stillafool Posted September 25, 2016 Posted September 25, 2016 He said he thinks we’re not suited, have little in common and have different life experiences but I don’t understand how this can be as from the start we got along really well and our relationship seemed so perfect. Did you ask him how this could be? Sometimes people are compatible on paper and will make good friends but perhaps he didn't feel the romantic connection that you did. It really doesn't matter because he has said he doesn't think you two are suited for each other so he ended it. I wouldn't hold out hope that you two will get back together but stay NC and heal. You'll find the right man for you in time. 1
Author Liliana25 Posted September 25, 2016 Author Posted September 25, 2016 (edited) Did you ask him how this could be? Sometimes people are compatible on paper and will make good friends but perhaps he didn't feel the romantic connection that you did. It really doesn't matter because he has said he doesn't think you two are suited for each other so he ended it. I wouldn't hold out hope that you two will get back together but stay NC and heal. You'll find the right man for you in time. Yeah, I did but he just repeated that he felt we have little in common and aren't suited. He didn't elaborate but said it was just a feeling. I also don't understand what he meant about different life experiences. For a start, we've both had tough, emotionally abusive relationships in the past and been really hurt and we talked about that. With regards to life stages we are the same age and both work so I think we're compatible in that sense. With an ex-boyfriend of mine, he was 5 years older and we were at completely different stages in life (I was a student and he worked) and those were two of the reasons why we broke up. I realise now he may not have felt as strongly as I did, but his actions and words showed differently. Why do all the romantic stuff, especially just a month before the break-up? Why make plans with me for Christmas? Why show me things that mean a lot to him and take me to his favourite places? Why share personal and deep stuff with me? Edited September 25, 2016 by Liliana25
Lorenza Posted September 25, 2016 Posted September 25, 2016 Yeah, I did but he just repeated that he felt we have little in common and aren't suited. He didn't elaborate but said it was just a feeling. I also don't understand what he meant about different life experiences. For a start, we've both had tough, emotionally abusive relationships in the past and been really hurt and we talked about that. With regards to life stages we are the same age and both work so I think we're compatible in that sense. With an ex-boyfriend of mine, he was 5 years older and we were at completely different stages in life (I was a student and he worked) and those were two of the reasons why we broke up. I realise now he may not have felt as strongly as I did, but his actions and words showed differently. Why do all the romantic stuff, especially just a month before the break-up? Why make plans with me for Christmas? Why show me things that mean a lot to him and take me to his favourite places? Why share personal and deep stuff with me? There doesn't have to be a clear reason why. Maybe sharing those things with you was what he felt like doing that exact moment. It seems that we tend to over analyse other people's actions towards us. Often they can't tell themselves why they did or said something they didn't stick to later. Telling you his personal stuff and showing his favorite doesn't have to be for you, could be for himself cause that felt good at that moment. But later he realized that letting you go would feel even better. Who knows.
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