Fair Posted September 23, 2016 Posted September 23, 2016 Has anyone here had the experience of people acting strange around you for no apparent reason... like they're nervous or afraid of something and act like they have to get away from you as quickly as possible. I recently had an experience like that with an old classmate from school. We're living in the same small town again, but have never gotten together until recently. And it was because of a post I made on facebook asking if someone could help me change the locks on my doors as I just moved into a new house and am not mechanically inclined. So my 'school friend' offered, came over to help me, but didn't show any interest in me or my new house, hurried through the task, acting nervous all the while and then literally dashed out the door the minute she was done... again with that nervous air... as if she wanted to get that door closed behind her before I could even invite her to have a cup of coffee!! I don't even think she said goodbye! I would have thought she was just in a hurry if not for her nervous, uncomfortable behaviour. I've been absolutely perplexed about it ever since. I'm a nice person and known in town and am a working professional and I've known this person since we were in kindergarten... my first thought was that maybe there's been some nasty gossip about me I don't know about... it would have to made up if there is as I don't do anything objectionable that people could criticize. Has anything like this ever happened to you? Did you find out why? I don't go out much here in town... there's not a lot to do except go to the bar and I don't drink... I have no idea what people are gossiping about but now I'm beginning to wonder. Would you suspect small town gossip if it were you? I was looking forward to having a cup of coffee and a nice chat to catch up... But Not only was her behaviour strange... it was rude, when I think about it... to be treated like you have a catchy disease isn't exactly KIND. So why did she come here at all if she found being in my house so appalling?
preraph Posted September 23, 2016 Posted September 23, 2016 I don't think if I were you that I would assume it's about you. I mean, unless you made some comment about her appearance or something else to make her mad when she first got there. I wonder if maybe she caught flack from a husband or bf when he found out she was going over to help out, so she had to hurry and get home or something. You didn't say if you're male or female. If she had heard gossip that bothered her, she wouldn't have offered to help.
GemmaUK Posted September 23, 2016 Posted September 23, 2016 Are you male or female and was this a service you paid her for?
alphamale Posted September 23, 2016 Posted September 23, 2016 if it is bugging you so much you should talk to her and ask her if you did/said anything wrong
rester Posted September 23, 2016 Posted September 23, 2016 OP's profile says female. That behavior does sound odd. Maybe invite her out to lunch to thank her for her help? She could have had a good reason but did not feel comfortable saying anything at the time. 1
stillafool Posted September 23, 2016 Posted September 23, 2016 If you are a male and she is married or involved with someone she may have been nervous to be seen by someone who may mistake it for cheating. So she just wanted to get out of there ASAP to avoid gossip. You know how small towns are they can make a mountain out of a molehill.
jen1447 Posted September 23, 2016 Posted September 23, 2016 Could be anything - she might have social anxiety, outside pressures, just had a really bad day, etc. I wouldn't assume it's anything to do w you and even if it is, oh well. As long as your conscience is clear.
stillafool Posted September 23, 2016 Posted September 23, 2016 Oh, since you are a female, the woman was probably just in a rush.
Gloria25 Posted September 23, 2016 Posted September 23, 2016 Are there other instances, with other people, that you would like to share with us? I mean, this sounds like an isolated incident.
GemmaUK Posted September 24, 2016 Posted September 24, 2016 No, I've never experienced someone acting like they needed to get away from me like that. I have experienced that instinct and need and acted upon it though with a few women and still do on a regular basis. There's various reasons but the predominant one in each case is a lack of awareness of personal space boundaries.
Timshel Posted September 24, 2016 Posted September 24, 2016 No, I've never experienced someone acting like they needed to get away from me like that. I have experienced that instinct and need and acted upon it though with a few women and still do on a regular basis. There's various reasons but the predominant one in each case is a lack of awareness of personal space boundaries.[/QUOTE] Fair, probably something in her own life with nothing to do with you. Ask her to lunch for gratitude and observe any reaction. Let us know.. 2
GemmaUK Posted September 24, 2016 Posted September 24, 2016 Fair, probably something in her own life with nothing to do with you. Ask her to lunch for gratitude and observe any reaction. Let us know.. Lol! No way in hell!!!
Timshel Posted September 24, 2016 Posted September 24, 2016 Lol! No way in hell!!! No way in h*ll ask her to lunch? Op is concerned about why this woman was rude to her. The only way she could possibly know, if she cares, is to ask. 3
spiderowl Posted September 24, 2016 Posted September 24, 2016 Occasionally, I experience someone behaving oddly but I don't feel it is anything to do with me. Does this happen to you often? If it happens often, then maybe it is something to do with you. If this is just a one-off, then no point worrying about it. The school friend may have had something else going on the background that was bothering her. You just happened to catch her at the wrong time.
Nowty V Posted September 24, 2016 Posted September 24, 2016 There are so many variables in an individuals situation. One should never speculate on the actions of another. Speculating leads to filling in the grey areas with assumption. For example speculating on the OP's case: The friend could be drug dependant. The dealer may not have been available earlier but was now. The friend would display anxiety throughout and be eager to leave [and satisfy her need]. Pure dangerous speculation. One should never speculate on the actions of another. It wasn't about you, let it go, move on.
GemmaUK Posted September 25, 2016 Posted September 25, 2016 No way in h*ll ask her to lunch? Op is concerned about why this woman was rude to her. The only way she could possibly know, if she cares, is to ask. *slaps own forehead* My apologies Tim! I omitted to remember the OP's user ID there so thought you were replying to me... *slopes off blushing*
Timshel Posted September 25, 2016 Posted September 25, 2016 *slaps own forehead* My apologies Tim! I omitted to remember the OP's user ID there so thought you were replying to me... *slopes off blushing* It's Timshel and I appreciate your honesty.
Author Fair Posted September 27, 2016 Author Posted September 27, 2016 OP's profile says female. That behavior does sound odd. Maybe invite her out to lunch to thank her for her help? She could have had a good reason but did not feel comfortable saying anything at the time. to start off... I'm female, since you're all asking. Thank-you rester for acknowledging the behaviour was odd! It was...!! I don't care how busy I am or what's going on... I wouldn't act like that for any reason. Just to test it I did send her a facebook message inviting her over for coffee and got a "yes, we should get together sometime..." for a response. But that's a vague, routine answer that didn't commit her to anything.. And after the strange way she acted when she was here I just don't think it'll happen. I actually felt embarrassed about asking her for coffee on facebook as if she was deliberately trying to send me a message with her behaviour, like "I'm doing you a favor by changing your locks but don't expect anything like friendship from me!! UGH!!" Only to turn around and act like I didn't get it. It only bothers me because now I have this irritating feeling like there's unjust gossip about me around town. And I'm not one who can stand that kind of b.s. Especially since I need to make friends... life is lonely for me right now.
Miss Clavel Posted September 27, 2016 Posted September 27, 2016 everyone knows your house is haunted. well except you apparently.
Sparta Posted September 27, 2016 Posted September 27, 2016 Could it possibly just be her something is going on with her, and it has nothing to do with you and get them in high on drugs she had numerous things you know I don't now. Your description for your post kind of makes it sound like numerous people are acting weird around you it's just one lady I'm on could be any numerous things going on with her she's human. The other thing I find some what amusing is it was a female that came over to change out your door locks for you. I actually think it's pretty cool that a female answered your request help.
deep_night Posted September 28, 2016 Posted September 28, 2016 i have social phobia and i do get really nervous and rude without meaning to so i can relate with that woman. it's gotten worse with the years. i do feel like running away as well. my guess is that she feels you are way above her league (even as a friend) and she felt intimidated. its probably nothing you've done. my experience with gossip, on the other hand, is different. people either avoided me or cut me off completely or showed more ''interest'' in me because they wanted to find out things to gossip later.
Author Fair Posted September 30, 2016 Author Posted September 30, 2016 The problem is the vibes you get that you can never convey to anyone else when trying to explain what happened. There's that niggling gut feeling that something is off but words can't describe why... It could be I just have my back up being in this town again and knowing how it is for gossip... it seems a woman living alone always attracts the worst of it. But whatever the case it helped to vent and get some feedback. Thanks everyone.
Timshel Posted September 30, 2016 Posted September 30, 2016 The problem is the vibes you get that you can never convey to anyone else when trying to explain what happened. There's that niggling gut feeling that something is off but words can't describe why... It could be I just have my back up being in this town again and knowing how it is for gossip... it seems a woman living alone always attracts the worst of it. But whatever the case it helped to vent and get some feedback. Thanks everyone. Fair, this is really not difficult to relate to. A gut feeling is worth it's weight in gold, the question is not the legitimacy of your experience or even that many understand perfectly well. The question is what to do about it, or rather, be at peace with not knowing and not making assumptions. If you know that you are kind, though not perfect and you know that you are doing your best, then what else can you do? I know it doesn't help much...you're back to home and want to start fresh, then one of your first experiences...reaching out ends up hurting you. The more I understand people, I see how similar we all are really....but there is so much lost in translation. So many miscommunications. Try not to take this isolated experience to heart, in fact, don't do that. It would be a shame that this one person would change how you feel about yourself and how you interact with others. It's like a domino chain, you choose which way to fall. Best
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