Is There A Difference With Cheating With The Same Sex?

[road]

So something I've often heard is that it's worse for a woman if she finds out her husband cheated on her with a man. I can understand this because if he cheats with another woman it is both shocking and is of course a betrayal. However I can see how the spouse cheating with a same sex partner can be very soul crushing because it's like finding out your partner is literally not who you thought he or she was.

 

It's the kind of thing I suspect that can make you question everything about the relationship down to every moment shared. However at the same time in this day and age I find it hard to believe that a person woudn't see signs of the partners true sexuality or at least suspect.

 

I feel it raises the question of wether the relationship was real or not. What is your opinion on this do you think that it's the same or do you think that someone cheating with the same sex is an even bigger betrayal?

 

I'm asking because as a kid I'd go to my local library and see all these books on and about women who discovered their husbands were gay. Ever since I've often wondered if it's worse than dealing with a "regular" cheater.

 

 

Do you think your husband has same sex?

[love lover]

Many people go though life repressing their bisexual curiosity. To me, that's an unfortunate repression. To have never explored that part of one's sexuality.

 

There seem to be a lot of men who fantasize about experiences with another man. I have found that women who have similar attraction to their gender are more open about it, and can speak about it later in life.

 

In either situation, once married, such urges would seem to be very hard to come to terms with. But, to make the choice to move toward these urges once married would seem to mean the likely end of the marriage.

[Lion Heart]

For me it would probably have helped but as shattered lady said, we just don't know until we've experienced it.

 

My exWH was quite effeminate. Lots of men had hit on him. I guess in terns of a man he was "pretty". My lesbian friend pointed out that gay people have a "gaydar". IDK lol. Does that mean exWH could be bi? Probably IDK. But I think he'd fight it with all his might.

 

2 stories.

1 my male school friend who is now in his 3rd M to my coworker. His first W cheated with a man. They had a D. He was devastated.

 

He found his 2nd W in bed with a woman and THEN HE KNEW WHAT devastation meant, he said.

He went on and on and on and on etc about it for YEARS... She was also very tormenting to him too. That didn't help.

He just felt that he could NEVER have given her what the OW did. He was in disbelief.

 

My exWH Aunty married as a virgin and her H wouldn't sleep with her on their honeymoon.

She begged him for sex for weeks then a few months later found him doing sexual acts with another man.

 

She was devastated. D being looked very much down upon. She felt like a failure and never had another bf.

She started "sharing a house" with her "flatmate" about 20y later. About 20y ago. A woman. She's gay.

 

So two gay people married just to be accepted by their religion and societal norms.

 

Very sad.

 

Sadder still are the families created by those not willing to come out of the closet bc of fear of acceptance. Then devastated by the parent leaving with either sex.

 

LH

[Toodaloo]

I am not sure.

 

Its the trust thing for me...

 

I once got dumped by a guy because he found another partner and turns out he was gay (or possibly bi). I wasn't all that worried about it and just saw it as a natural ending. Obviously it hurt at the time but he was such a sweetie and was amazing with the way he did it that although we are not in touch any more I would probably greet him with a hug and I very much hope that they are still happy together.

 

But then he was honest with me. Nothing happened for a while after we broke up as he was trying to pluck up the courage to ask the guy out anyway. But he knew that was what he wanted. He was honest about it. That meant a lot to me. So I wouldn't go as far as to say I "forgive" him as in my eyes there is nothing to forgive.

 

With only that to go on I guess I would say no. For me its not worse. The worst bit would be that they were unfaithful and deceitful.