Date starts at 5 and they have to "be somewhere at 7". Bad sign?

[JewelD]

This is not about how she feels, it's the purpose and intent. If you want nothing to do with this person, you don't need to address their behavior because they don't get another chance with you. "Telling her for future guys". Who cares? Maybe those guys choose not to wait 10 days for a second date and therefore don't have this issue.

 

We all like to do mental gymnastics to convince ourselves that what we're doing is morally acceptable because it makes us feel better. But really, we're making ourselves look stupid and it's not really making anything better. So just stop and move on. If it's a long-term thing, sure or something extremely offensive, sure. But what she did was not done with malice or the intention of harming anyone.

 

Just seems like a waste of time and emotion to me. Coulda had a V8.

[JewelD]

Well once he confirmed it was 'rude', he was still going to try to tell her that and still reschedule with her when she had time. I think he got hyped up by the comments and decided to take it up a notch when he actually contacted her.

 

 

 

You guys are right. I'm calling her now and cancelling. Letting her know that where I'm from this is considered rude and if she has more time some other day, we can re-schedule.

[LD1990]

This is not about how she feels, it's the purpose and intent. If you want nothing to do with this person, you don't need to address their behavior because they don't get another chance with you. "Telling her for future guys". Who cares? Maybe those guys choose not to wait 10 days for a second date and therefore don't have this issue.

 

Maybe he told her on the off chance that she'd say "my bad" and want to reschedule. Maybe he told her because he doesn't like canceling on people without giving an explanation. He wanted to tell her, and he did. What's the big deal?

 

We all like to do mental gymnastics to convince ourselves that what we're doing is morally acceptable because it makes us feel better.

 

Is telling someone you think they were rude not morally acceptable? Must be some strict morals.

 

But really, we're making ourselves look stupid and it's not really making anything better.

 

Look stupid to whom? A girl he's never going to see again and some overly sensitive people on a forum?

 

Only he can answer if it made anything better. If it made him feel better, then it was worth it.

[JewelD]

Maybe he told her on the off chance that she'd say "my bad" and want to reschedule. Maybe he told her because he doesn't like canceling on people without giving an explanation. He wanted to tell her, and he did. What's the big deal?

 

 

 

Is telling someone you think they were rude not morally acceptable? Must be some strict morals.

 

 

 

Look stupid to whom? A girl he's never going to see again and some overly sensitive people on a forum?

 

Only he can answer if it made anything better. If it made him feel better, then it was worth it.

 

The rude part was "where I'm from" insinuating that she's 'rude' because she's American, which would moreso be an insult to Americans rather than just her. Regardless, it's my opinion, you don't have to agree with it and I don't have to continually explain it when it's laid out pretty clear.

Edited September 24, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
rude ~T

[Sunkissedpatio]

You deserve dignity and respect because you are human. It starts and ends there. Just because you are disappointed by someone doesn't mean they forfeit respect and dignity.

 

I agree for the most part, other times you just have to bring things to a level where others will understand and that may call for being less than respectful.

 

Having said that, I see absolutely nothing disrespectful or undignified about this:

I almost never cancel dates, but I'd have to cancel today because setting a time bound of less than 2 hours on a 2nd date is considered rude where I'm from, and I don't react well to rude people."

 

in fact I find it refreshingly honest and to the point while actually being quite respectful.

[thecupid]

Ladies and gentlemen,

 

First off, thank you all for taking the time to read my post, trying to comprehend the situation, and helping me out. Whether or not you agree with my way of canceling the date, I thank you guys all the same for your comments.

 

Now to give a little background. I met this girl at a part where she literally gave me 3 compliments about "my perfect hair, perfect eyebrows and looks" until I asked her out (sorry, I am not more modest here -- just telling you guys the truth).

 

When I asked her out, she was really into the first date and everything was great (it was a 7 hour long date). We ended up at my place and I got to first base. I was nice and respectful to her when she want to stop at 2nd base. Somewhere before leaving she got into this whole my-ex thing and how she's not sure where she's at and she just wants to "hang". She had mentioned her ex before during the date a few times. She's 20 and I'm 26. She started flaking after that and would send me a random text and would not respond to my response.

 

I gave up on her and didn't ask her out again (which is why the 10 day delay between dates). She then texts me: "did I scare you off?". I asked her out for sushi date and gave her 3 choices of days that worked for me. She picked Friday and asked me time and I said '5' since I eat early, around 5:30. Then I try to confirm plans today, which is when she starts being flaky about having to be "somewhere at 7".

 

Now, she sparked the initial connection at the party, then sent me a text asking "if she scared me away", and meanwhile is being flaky and giving me mixed signals.

 

I'm sorry but I will definitely tell a girl like this that I find her behavior rude. I'm a human being and I have feelings. I don't like being confused, playing games, and mixed signals. Feminism is about 'equality', not let women walk all over you whenever they want and you can't even tell them that they being rude. By the way, I said that very politely and I wished her well and told her hope she has good time this evening.

[joseb]

Ok, i seem to be in the minority here. But I don't think there is much wrong with saying you have a two hour window if that's what you have. I've had to do that because of work commitments in the past, and it's had nothing to do with lack of intetest. In fact, ive made dates at awkward times because I want to keep the dates going. Who says a date has to last all night?

 

Sure. It's possible she was low or medium interest. Many people are like that on a second date.

 

And the op asked to meet pretty early.

 

I agree with smackie, the reply about being rude was OTT.

And trust me, im the last to defend entitled princesses looking for a free meal

 

In any case, it's done now. If you were not happy about meeting under the time constraint op, that's your choice.

But if you actually wanted to see her again or reschedule, then your reply pretty much killed any chance of that.

[basil67]

It wasn't just a quick bite, he asked to take her to a show at 8:00.

 

SHE was the one who turned that down, because she had somewhere to be at 7:00.

 

To me sushi and a show afterwards sounds like a super fun date!

 

Damn - I missed that. Yes, it sounds like an excellent date. She was beyond rude.

[joseb]

Damn - I missed that. Yes, it sounds like an excellent date. She was beyond rude.

 

The way I read it, the op made a date for sushi at 5 Friday.

It was only much later that he mentioned the show.

So I still don't see how this is so rude if the girl had made plans based on the original date. I could even see how she might look at it as a bit of a bait and switch. "Hey how about we grab a quick bite of sushi at 5 friday" (a low pressure date) then just before the date "Oh and by the way we are going to a show too at 8".

[William]

As it looks like the Op's issue has been resolved, we will close this one up.

 

The broader issue of date cancellation and etiquette would be an appropriate topic for our General Relationship Discussion forum. ~T