Date starts at 5 and they have to "be somewhere at 7". Bad sign?

[joyful]

I dunno I realize I'm defending OP a lot here, but I would much rather have someone be straightforward and blunt than pretend to be okay with it, when clearly it's not.

 

I can be pretty blunt myself and when something irks me, I say so.

 

And who knows, she may end respecting him for it (I would), and want to reschedule herself.

 

It's better than him being a$$-kisser so as to assure she "likes" him.

 

Ugh.

 

A cancellation indicates not being okay with it. The rest was not "being blunt." It was being hurt -- and extra.

[katiegrl]

A cancellation indicates not being okay with it. The rest was not "being blunt." It was being hurt -- and extra.

 

Very true but telling her exactly why was an added bonus for her.

 

Now she knows why he lost interest and doesn't have to wonder about it for the next godonlyknows how many weeks on end. LOL

 

No seriously guys, I still don't get what's so offensive?

 

What about what SHE said? Scheduling a date for 5:00 and then announcing she has somewhere else to be by 7:00?

 

What kind of a pansy did she take him for anyway?

 

I bet she ends up contacting him again...

 

As I said she probably respected him for it, most men don't have the gumption to be so straight with women like that.

 

Too busy walking on eggshells in an effort to be "nice."

 

I don't respect that!

Edited September 23, 2016 by katiegrl

[LD1990]

I never said it's not ok to be upset, I said you don't have to be a d bag about it. Saying it's rude in your country blah blah is not straight forward...it's backhanded. Straight forward is "Just dinner is not acceptable to me, and I feel you don't have much interest anyways so I'm cancelling this date. If you had any interest in me you will make yourself more available.

 

There was nothing backhanded about it. He felt it was rude. He told her. It's only being "a d bag" if you don't think anyone should ever point out another person's rudeness.

 

A cancellation indicates not being okay with it. The rest was not "being blunt." It was being hurt -- and extra.

 

Simply canceling would have been a passive-aggressive retaliation to her imposing a time limit on their date.

Edited September 23, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
rude ~T

[thecupid]

Why would any self respecting woman would be interested after that comment? Who's the one being rude here? Not her.

 

Like I said, I don't react well to rude women who want to grab a bite and bail.

[joyful]

Like I said, I don't react well to rude women who want to grab a bite and bail.

 

How was the first date? Was there contact in between? If so, what was the tone of it? Do you think it's possible that something in the first date turned her off?

 

Telling someone your thoughts about them because they don't do/give you what you want (in this case, adequate time) when you barely know them sounds like a bit catty and hostile. What was your rapport with this lady before this?

[basil67]

5:30pm sushi sounds like exactly the kind of thing which would last an hour or two. If I was invited to this, I'd assume it was a quick meetup before you both go and do something else.

 

If you want a serious date, ask a girl to meet for 6pm drinks followed by a 7pm dinner afterwards.

 

And her blunt response to your text doesn't mean that she wasn't interested in you. It means that she's no longer interested in you.

[Sunkissedpatio]

I never said it's not ok to be upset, I said you don't have to be a d bag about it. Saying it's rude in your country blah blah is not straight forward...it's backhanded. Straight forward is "Just dinner is not acceptable to me, and I feel you don't have much interest anyways so I'm cancelling this date. If you had any interest in me you will make yourself more available.

 

Semantics, he said that in his own words.

 

In fact I like what he said much better. Telling a woman who is only going to use you for a dinner then bail to go off to bigger and better plans "I feel you don't have much interest in me if you did have interest in me....etc." is a little beneath him.

 

Thecupid, I would have taken her out and made HER pay. Since she wanted dinner with you before she went out again let her pick up that tab.

[katiegrl]

Like I said, I don't react well to rude women who want to grab a bite and bail.

 

Probably would've expected you to pay too.

 

She sounds like an entitled princess... no doubt she had another date lined up after you.

 

A nice dinner date after the sushi appetizer.

[katiegrl]

Semantics, he said that in his own words.

 

In fact I like what he said much better. Telling a woman who is only going to use you for a dinner then bail to go off to bigger and better plans "I feel you don't have much interest in me if you did have interest in me....etc." is a little beneath him.

 

Thecupid, I would have taken her out and made HER pay. Since she wanted dinner with you before she went out again let her pick up that tab.

 

Yay I am glad I am not the only woman on this train.

[Sunkissedpatio]

Yay I am glad I am not the only woman on this train.

 

Telling her "I think you don't like me..." sounds like grovelling...fck that!

[elaine567]

Her interest was probably low and she made sure the date was not going to lead anywhere by putting a time limit on it or she just double booked as she placed no importance on the date.

Of course she may have had a perfectly good reason ie visiting her sick relative in hospital, or an essay needs handed in tomorrow, or an old friend just showed up in town, or something else happened unexpectedly in her life.

If she had no good excuse for it apart from low interest, he was probably right to cancel, but he showed no dignity here, by being mean and telling her off.

I guess she thinks she dodged a bullet.

[JewelD]

Her interest was probably low and she made sure the date was not going to lead anywhere by putting a time limit on it or she just double booked as she placed no importance on the date.

Of course she may have had a perfectly good reason ie visiting her sick relative in hospital, or an essay needs handed in tomorrow, or an old friend just showed up in town, or something else happened unexpectedly in her life.

If she had no good excuse for it apart from low interest, he was probably right to cancel, but he showed no dignity here, by being mean and telling her off.

I guess she thinks she dodged a bullet.

 

I agree. I could see if she did something that was intentionally disrespectful and rude but she did let him know upfront. She could have just been a real dick and gone on the date and bailed at 7.

 

But trying to tell someone off who probably only gave minimal fcks about the whole thing since you'd only met once before, it just makes you look petty and corny.

[anna121]

I found the reference to "this is how I do things in my country" insufferable. I would have just cancelled and left her wondering why.

 

Also, unless you are going to Nobu, how much does sushi even cost???

 

Absolutely no basis for assuming she was going solely to cage a free dynamite roll. LOL.

[Versacehottie]

Absolutely no basis for assuming she was going solely to cage a free dynamite roll. LOL.

 

funniest thing I've read today:p

[phineas]

I've always found it best to just act like it doesn't affect my life either way when a woman cancels or shows little interest like this one but I do make it clear im not going to waste my time on a woman who isn't making a effort by forgetting her and moving on.

 

Sometimes they come back.

I like it when this happens because now it's on them to impress me instead of the other way around.

[Sunkissedpatio]

 

But trying to tell someone off who probably only gave minimal fcks about the whole thing since you'd only met once before, it just makes you look petty and corny.

 

Right because a person who agrees to a date they "clearly give 2 fcks about" should be treated with all the respect and dignity.

[basil67]

Probably would've expected you to pay too.

 

She sounds like an entitled princess... no doubt she had another date lined up after you.

 

A nice dinner date after the sushi appetizer.

 

If the OP had offered a nice dinner date, she may not have assumed he was just taking her out for a quick bite.

[katiegrl]

If the OP had offered a nice dinner date, she may not have assumed he was just taking her out for a quick bite.

 

It wasn't just a quick bite, he asked to take her to a show at 8:00.

 

SHE was the one who turned that down, because she had somewhere to be at 7:00.

 

To me sushi and a show afterwards sounds like a super fun date!

[campeo]

Right because a person who agrees to a date they "clearly give 2 fcks about" should be treated with all the respect and dignity.

 

You deserve dignity and respect because you are human. It starts and ends there. Just because you are disappointed by someone doesn't mean they forfeit respect and dignity.

[JewelD]

Right because a person who agrees to a date they "clearly give 2 fcks about" should be treated with all the respect and dignity.

 

No, boo, I said "MINIMAL FCKS". She cared, but not enough to be devastated because he decides to try to tell her off. That only works with people you have a significant connection with. His goal was to piss her off but really he just made himself look lame. It's one date. If it doesn't work out, move on, don't pull an "I can do bad all by myself" move.

[Sunkissedpatio]

No, boo, I said "MINIMAL FCKS". She cared, but not enough to be devastated because he decides to try to tell her off. That only works with people you have a significant connection with. His goal was to piss her off but really he just made himself look lame. It's one date. If it doesn't work out, move on, don't pull an "I can do bad all by myself" move.

 

Minimal, two, whatever amount of fecks short of what you give when you actually are interested in dating a guy.

 

Oh I interpreted is as his goal was to show her he was pissed by her rude attitude and he accomplished that. I think that's upfront and it actually shows he doesn't care what her reaction will be or that she will not want to see him again. It's clear he isn't interested in seeing her again by doing that.

 

A wussy would be all "I won't tolerate this, you don't seem all that interested. let me know when you want to have a real date" etc. And she would would still respond "k bye" and never get back to him, or worse yet get back to him when she has nothing better to do.

 

So this was better, in my opinion.

[katiegrl]

You deserve dignity and respect because you are human. It starts and ends there. Just because you are disappointed by someone doesn't mean they forfeit respect and dignity.

 

Maybe this is just a matter of interpretation.

 

He was offended, he felt she was rude, which was within his right as a human being.

 

He expressed that to her.

 

Okay it was very blunt, but I still don't get how that was disrespectful or compromised her dignity?

 

Isn't that going overboard just a tad?

 

I agree more with how Phineas would have handled, but frankly I am not gonna judge the OP for handling it how HE chose to handle.

 

It's not like he called her any derogatory names or verbally abused her in any way (god knows I have had guys do that to me ... which is a whole n'other ball of wax).

 

He simply told her he thought she was rude, which HE felt she was... big whoop.

 

I really just don't understand what all the fuss is about.

Edited September 24, 2016 by katiegrl

[JewelD]

Minimal, two, whatever amount of fecks short of what you give when you actually are interested in dating a guy.

 

Oh I interpreted is as his goal was to show her he was pissed by her rude attitude and he accomplished that. I think that's upfront and it actually shows he doesn't care what her reaction will be or that she will not want to see him again. It's clear he isn't interested in seeing her again by doing that.

 

A wussy would be all "I won't tolerate this, you don't seem all that interested. let me know when you want to have a real date" etc. And she would would still respond "k bye" and never get back to him, or worse yet get back to him when she has nothing better to do.

 

So this was better, in my opinion.

 

Well we all know he cares to some extent because he came on here to ask for advice about it.

 

Someone who doesn't care isn't going to try to scold you. He even seemed a bit surprised by her reaction. Like he expected her to apologize for her 'rudeness'. If you didn't care about the response or how that person would view you, why would you bother crafting a message like that? Why use the time and effort when you could just say, "Oh, I'm actually busy that night, I'll reschedule" and then never actually do it. Or just give them the clean cut and don't say anything.

 

But if you want to provoke someone and let them know you're angry so they can 'feel some type of way', you care. If that's the protocol for someone who says they have somewhere to be at 7, what's on the list for someone who actually does something purposely offensive, like standing someone up on a date? Torch their house and sacrifice their first born child?

[katiegrl]

 

...what's on the list for someone who actually does something purposely offensive, like standing someone up on a date? Torch their house and sacrifice their first born child?

 

I have never stood a guy up but I have cancelled dates (and not wanted to reschedule).

 

I recall one guy who after I cancelled, proceeded to bombard me with at least 25 text messages, the first two of which called me every derogatory name he could think of, the next 23 I didn't even bother reading, I just deleted and then blocked.

 

So in comparison, had a guy called me (or my behavior) rude, I probably would have just let it roll off.

 

Maybe not even blamed him really as announcing I had to be somewhere else only two hours into the date (the second date)... well yeah, that is pretty darn disrespectful imo anyway, so wouldn't have blamed him for calling me out on that.... even if that "calling out" was somewhat blunt.

 

I much prefer a guy be honest and straight with me about how he feels instead of covering it up with a bunch of politically correct niceties... for fear of offending me or whatevs.

 

To each his own I guess.

Edited September 24, 2016 by katiegrl

[Sunkissedpatio]

 

But if you want to provoke someone and let them know you're angry so they can 'feel some type of way', you care. If that's the protocol for someone who says they have somewhere to be at 7, what's on the list for someone who actually does something purposely offensive, like standing someone up on a date? Torch their house and sacrifice their first born child?

 

That's hilarious that you said that bolded part because I was going to ask you the same but in reverse earlier. ;-)

 

Ya I know what you mean he prob could have been a bit more diplomatic about it but I prefer what he did do over explaining to her that he didn't think she was that interested etc, etc, I think they both know that.

 

I got the impression from the OP he had already decided how he was going to deal with her and he was looking for confirmation that what she did was indeed rude. So I think he had already established he didn't care to see her again he just wanted reassurance he wasn't overreacting. So first 5 or so posts pretty much supported what he was already feeling and he said "I'm calling her now and letting her have it"