Date starts at 5 and they have to "be somewhere at 7". Bad sign?

[thecupid]

So I'm taking this girl out on a 2nd date. We planned ahead of time and first date was like 10 days ago. So it's Friday evening at 5. I called today to confirm plans, to which she responded positively. While talking, I mentioned going to a show around 8 and she goes "I should warn you, I have to be somewhere at 7".

 

Now if you're meeting on a 2nd date after more than 10 days, and they put you on a time bound (<2 hours), it is a definite sign that they are not really interested, correct? Might even be there just for the free meal? Is this common to do in America? Because where I'm from this would be rude. Just asking.

 

I should add that the date is this evening (so it hasn't happened yet).

[Erik30]

Yeah I think it's a sign of low interest and/or they're not really sure yet. It already gives her an out if the date doesn't go well. Sometimes people also use that to possibly cancell, claiming they can't make it anymore because of the other event.

[rester]

I would find this a huge turn-off and would cancel and tell her that if she wants to go out some other time when she has more free time, to give me a call.

 

Then I would leave the ball in her court and move on with life.

 

If it's a first coffee date/meet, that's another story, but it sounds like you've been out with her before. Putting a time limit on a second date is rude as ****.

[Toodaloo]

Erm... first date ok. Second? No.

 

I think if that were me I would cancel, go do something else more fun instead with people I enjoy being around and who actually care about me.

[clia]

What did you ask her to do? I only ask because 5 seems early to meet, so if you asked her to meet for a drink (or whatever) she might've thought you just wanted to get together for an hour or two, so she made other plans for later.

[thecupid]

You guys are right. I'm calling her now and cancelling. Letting her know that where I'm from this is considered rude and if she has more time some other day, we can re-schedule.

[thecupid]

What did you ask her to do? I only ask because 5 seems early to meet, so if you asked her to meet for a drink (or whatever) she might've thought you just wanted to get together for an hour or two, so she made other plans for later.

 

The plan was to get Sushi at around 5-5:30.

[Redhead14]

So I'm taking this girl out on a 2nd date. We planned ahead of time and first date was like 10 days ago. So it's Friday evening at 5. I called today to confirm plans, to which she responded positively. While talking, I mentioned going to a show around 8 and she goes "I should warn you, I have to be somewhere at 7".

 

Now if you're meeting on a 2nd date after more than 10 days, and they put you on a time bound (<2 hours), it is a definite sign that they are not really interested, correct? Might even be there just for the free meal? Is this common to do in America? Because where I'm from this would be rude. Just asking.

 

I should add that the date is this evening (so it hasn't happened yet).

 

I should add that the date is this evening (so it hasn't happened yet). -- I would make it so that it doesn't happen at all . . . "thanks anyway, you use the two hours to do your hair and make up for the event, you need it" That's crappy.

 

That's crappy and rude.

[Toodaloo]

The plan was to get Sushi at around 5-5:30.

 

That is actually really crappy behavior on her part.

 

See a date like that? I would expect to go on to a pub or something after. Not just grab a bite then sod off anyway...

 

If I were already booked to be out for 7 I am sorry but I would not be meeting you at 5. I would arrange a different day so I could actually spend time with you.

 

Don't be catty when you cancel. Just say "sorry can't make it tonight". Leave it at that and do the Ghosting thing. No point getting stressy or into an argument about it.

[Redhead14]

That is actually really crappy behavior on her part.

 

See a date like that? I would expect to go on to a pub or something after. Not just grab a bite then sod off anyway...

 

If I were already booked to be out for 7 I am sorry but I would not be meeting you at 5. I would arrange a different day so I could actually spend time with you.

 

Don't be catty when you cancel. Just say "sorry can't make it tonight". Leave it at that and do the Ghosting thing. No point getting stressy or into an argument about it.

 

I was being facetious in my post, he shouldn't be pissy or anything.

[smackie9]

You guys are right. I'm calling her now and cancelling. Letting her know that where I'm from this is considered rude and if she has more time some other day, we can re-schedule.

If some guy called me out and told me my actions were rude I would never talk to them again. I guarantee she is going to be turned off by your comment...what you are teaching her a lesson??? Just because you think she is being rude doesn't mean you should act like a d*&^ about it.

 

Do you like this person? Just be polite and cancel. If you have no interest in her now with the way things are just cancel, then tell her it was nice knowing her and wish her all the best.

[alphamale]

tell her you were planning on going to the show at 8 and that if she can't go then the date should be rescheduled. you have to be firm with her otherwise she'll walk all over you.

[thecupid]

Told her "I almost never cancel dates, but I'd have to cancel today because setting a time bound of less than 2 hours on a 2nd date is considered rude where I'm from, and I don't react well to rude people."

 

Yes, I could have taken the high road and not mention why I'm cancelling but I'd like to make the reason clear so she thinks before doing the same to guys in her future.

 

Her response: "OK, goodbye."

 

As you can see , she was very invested in our date today.

[No_Go]

Yeah, let HER reschedule. If she's interested, she will.

 

My gut feeling is that she's not that interested if there are 10 days between the dates, but maybe she has a legitimate constraint?

 

If you go don't do dinner but go to chat a bit in a coffee shop. That's more conducive with the time frame.

 

You guys are right. I'm calling her now and cancelling. Letting her know that where I'm from this is considered rude and if she has more time some other day, we can re-schedule.

[smackie9]

Told her "I almost never cancel dates, but I'd have to cancel today because setting a time bound of less than 2 hours on a 2nd date is considered rude where I'm from, and I don't react well to rude people."

 

Yes, I could have taken the high road and not mention why I'm cancelling but I'd like to make the reason clear so she thinks before doing the same to guys in her future.

 

Her response: "OK, goodbye."

 

As you can see , she was very invested in our date today.

Why would any self respecting woman would be interested after that comment? Who's the one being rude here? Not her.

[LD1990]

Why would any self respecting woman would be interested after that comment? Who's the one being rude here? Not her.

 

What, is he supposed to make up an excuse so he doesn't offend her highness? What's with this politically correct nonsense where no one is allowed to call anyone else out on their rude behavior?

 

If she already had plans at 7 when she agreed to the date, she should have told him. If she made the plans after, then she really didn't give a rat's ass about the date she made with him. Either way, rude.

 

Thecupid, you did the right thing. She didn't really want to see you and probably wanted you to say something like "Oh, should we just reschedule then?" when she mentioned her plans. Screw that. If you let a women give you the run around schedule-wise, she won't respect you. Good for you.

[ChatroomHero]

Why would any self respecting woman would be interested after that comment? Who's the one being rude here? Not her.

 

What self-respecting man would make a date to only later be told after the fact that she has less than two hours and go along with it or make up some weak excuse to cancel without being honest and telling her he was cancelling because he felt she was rude to make plans to get a free dinner and then bail to something she was more interested in?

 

 

If I did that to someone I would understand if she though I was rude and appreciate the honesty. I know I am not perfect and I would not pretend to be. If I was interested in her I would apologize and try to make up for it. If I was not interested I would not be all butt hurt and I would understand why my actions caused a negative reaction.

[katiegrl]

What, is he supposed to make up an excuse so he doesn't offend her highness? What's with this politically correct nonsense where no one is allowed to call anyone else out on their rude behavior?

 

If she already had plans at 7 when she agreed to the date, she should have told him. If she made the plans after, then she really didn't give a rat's ass about the date she made with him. Either way, rude.

 

Thecupid, you did the right thing. She didn't really want to see you and probably wanted you to say something like "Oh, should we just reschedule then?" when she mentioned her plans. Screw that. If you let a women give you the run around schedule-wise, she won't respect you. Good for you.

 

I wholeheartedly agree with this.

 

I cannot stand having to walk on eggshells in an effort to be politically correct or whatever it's called.

 

And your comment was not terribly offensive either, it was honest and straightforward, I wish more people could be like that instead of everyone trying to be so "nice," even when they're actually pissed off... it's so phony IMO.

 

You were bugged and you expressed that, good for you.

[smackie9]

I never said it's not ok to be upset, I said you don't have to be a d bag about it. Saying it's rude in your country blah blah is not straight forward...it's backhanded. Straight forward is "Just dinner is not acceptable to me, and I feel you don't have much interest anyways so I'm cancelling this date. If you had any interest in me you will make yourself more available.

[Versacehottie]

You guys are right. I'm calling her now and cancelling. Letting her know that where I'm from this is considered rude and if she has more time some other day, we can re-schedule.

 

I can pretty much guarantee if you tell her it is rude, you won't get a re-schedule. It is kinda rude though (in US too). Here's one question: how come it has been 10 days since first and second? Was that due to you or her? 'cause that's a little rude too if there was not real reason.

[joyful]

She was clearly barely interested. If I were her and I received that text, OP, I would think that you were nasty, entitled, and a bit upset because of my low interest. I really don't think you needed to say all that; you can be respectful and get your point across. A simple cancellation would have sufficed.

[katiegrl]

I never said it's not ok to be upset, I said you don't have to be a d bag about it. Saying it's rude in your country blah blah is not straight forward...it's backhanded. Straight forward is "Just dinner is not acceptable to me, and I feel you don't have much interest anyways so I'm cancelling this date. If you had any interest in me you will make yourself more available.

 

Well some people prefer to be more blunt, what difference does it make?

 

Either way, this ain't going anywhere, why should he mince words?

 

You say tomato, he says tomahto.

 

Who cares.

 

I bet he felt lots better after saying it too, rather than something more "polite".... she got the point.

 

I still say good for him.

[katiegrl]

I can pretty much guarantee if you tell her it is rude, you won't get a re-schedule. It is kinda rude though (in US too). Here's one question: how come it has been 10 days since first and second? Was that due to you or her? 'cause that's a little rude too if there was not real reason.

 

I don't think he wants nor expected a re-schedule that was the point.

[katiegrl]

She was clearly barely interested. If I were her and I received that text, OP, I would think that you were nasty, entitled, and a bit upset because of my low interest. I really don't think you needed to say all that; you can be respectful and get your point across. A simple cancellation would have sufficed.

 

I dunno I realize I'm defending OP a lot here, but I would much rather have someone be straightforward and blunt than pretend to be okay with it, when clearly it's not.

 

I can be pretty blunt myself and when something irks me, I say so.

 

And who knows, she may end respecting him for it (I would), and want to reschedule herself.

 

It's better than him being a$$-kisser so as to assure she "likes" him.

 

Ugh.

[Versacehottie]

You guys are right. I'm calling her now and cancelling. Letting her know that where I'm from this is considered rude and if she has more time some other day, we can re-schedule.

 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^