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Am I being used?

fixmyheart90

By fixmyheart90
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Zahara Established Member

Zahara

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I'm gonna end it today. Thanks everyone for all the replies. I've never felt this sick and heartbroken in my life

 

You're doing the right thing. Yes, it's going to hurt but only temporary. Staying in this relationship however would hurt you indefinitely.

 

He's likely going to try and talk you into staying with him. Don't listen because he's a proven liar and user.

 

Be strong. You deserve a relationship that nurtures you and not one that tears you down.

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fixmyheart90 Member

fixmyheart90

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Thanks for the love girls <3

 

Zahara, so if he talks me in to staying...it doesn't mean he actually cares? He just wants to carry on this cycle? Im so confused and all over the place right now so sorry for my dumb questions :'(

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fixmyheart90 Member

fixmyheart90

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What I don't understand is, just because I am white and he isn't, he thinks it's ok to use me?? Hurt me? Drag me along? I'm also a human with hopes and dreams! With thoughts of the future, with dreams about a husband and children. I'm also a human! With feelings! So how does he think it's OK to do that to me just cause of my origin???

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fixmyheart90 Member

fixmyheart90

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Also do you guys think he is using her too? Or is it only me? I don't get the deal between her and him.. And that whole thing about not touching her cause he has respect for her? And if it was any other girl he would be able to?

BluesPower Established Member

BluesPower

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I don't think color plays into it. Maybe it does, who's to say.

 

it is for certain he is using you for sex. Why he is stringing the other girl along is anyone's guess.

 

And think about this, why do you really care, he is a POS, he is lying to you, and screwing you under false pretenses. Do you really care what else he is doing.

 

When I was really young, I think like you, I used to wonder what made people do the things to other people that they did. As I got older, I realized that 1) a lot of times you just never find out the answer, and 2) even if it could, it really does not matter past a certain point.

 

I wish you luck in life an love...

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joseb Established Member

joseb

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Don't worry about him, or her, or why he chose to act the way he does.

 

Figure out why you put up with it for so long.

 

And decide you won't put up with that kind of cr@p from the next guy you date.

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Zahara Established Member

Zahara

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Thanks for the love girls <3

 

Zahara, so if he talks me in to staying...it doesn't mean he actually cares? He just wants to carry on this cycle? Im so confused and all over the place right now so sorry for my dumb questions :'(

 

It doesn't mean he cares for you. What he does care about when/if he tries to get you back is to retain the benefits he has with you -- sex, attention, etc. If he has not cared for you for 7 months, he's not going to suddenly care for you because you want to leave.

 

What I don't understand is, just because I am white and he isn't, he thinks it's ok to use me?? Hurt me? Drag me along? I'm also a human with hopes and dreams! With thoughts of the future, with dreams about a husband and children. I'm also a human! With feelings! So how does he think it's OK to do that to me just cause of my origin???

 

It has everything to do with you allowing a man to disrespect you. When you show a man that you have no self-respect and you have no boundaries, he will mistreat you regardless of your skin color, race, etc.

 

You teach people how to treat you. You have taught him for 7 months that he can pull the wool over your eyes and that you will tolerate BS.

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fixmyheart90 Member

fixmyheart90

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I ended it yesterday, wasn't pleasant at all. He promised that he has no feelings for her and he is only in touch with her because he doesn't want it to be hard for her and cause she's really attached to him. Haven't spoken to him for a day and I find it really hard. I wanna believe him? Maybe that's what it is? Maybe he doesn't have feelings for her at all?

Zahara Established Member

Zahara

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I ended it yesterday, wasn't pleasant at all. He promised that he has no feelings for her and he is only in touch with her because he doesn't want it to be hard for her and cause she's really attached to him. Haven't spoken to him for a day and I find it really hard. I wanna believe him? Maybe that's what it is? Maybe he doesn't have feelings for her at all?

 

Of course it is hard. It was hard for each and everyone of us on here that had to go through a break-up. It's like getting over an addiction. You're getting over a drug and you will feel those withdrawals. But you have to push through.

 

If you want to believe him then go back to him. This isn't about him anymore -- this is about you having no self-respect and dignity. And he knows this and he knows that you'll eat BS because that's what you've always been doing so he's trying to pull the wool over your eyes again.

 

You wouldn't have come here and posted and ask if you were being used if you didn't believe your instincts and your judgement. And everyone here cannot be wrong. It's painful to face your reality but this is temporary. Go back to him and you suffer indefinitely and trust he'll treat you even worse because you've again taught him that you are a doormat.

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BluesPower Established Member

BluesPower

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You did the right thing. Sweetheart, he is lying and he just want you for a side piece, you know a little extra.

 

You are better than that, have some self-respect. It going to hurt for a while, that is how it is.

 

Go NC with him and find someone new.

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spiderowl Established Member

spiderowl

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If he does come from a strict cultural background and his ex shares that background, then, beware. He may not be allowed to marry outside his culture. How much would that matter to you?

 

His relationship with his ex sounds just like they are still partners. I wonder why HE ended it (if he did?). Men are very good at compartmentalising, particularly those who have religion and culture to take into consideration. Is sleeping with a girl acceptable in his culture? If not, then why does he consider it OK to sleep with you?

 

My main concern though is that his relationship with his ex is clearly not over, whatever he says to you. He is fitting his life around her. I think your friends may be right. It sounds like he's not ready to move on but is happy to spend time with you. He probably does care for you but I would not bank on there being any future with him. He is not emotionally available.

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fixmyheart90 Member

fixmyheart90

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Hi everyone. Day 2 of this heartache. I'm really confused at the moment, it's her birthday today and they don't seem to be doing anything for it. His birthday message to her was:

Happy birthday mate. You're nearly 30 now so probably about time to go back home and find someone to marry!'

 

(Back home meaning their country of origin)

 

I'm confused! It doesn't sound like a message that you send when you have feelings for someone?

BluesPower Established Member

BluesPower

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I realize that you have still have, and will for some time, have feelings for this guy.

 

You really have got to let him go and find someone new and true.

 

You are never going to be happy with him if you ever get back together.

 

Just let it go, and hard as it is, just do it.

Bialy Established Member

Bialy

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Stay strong. YOU DID THE RIGHT THING. Remember how strange you felt before the breakup and his odd dynamic with that other person.

 

 

Delete him from social media. People play odd mind games - don't read any deep meanings into what he writes to her publicly - he KNOWS you are seeing what he is writing.

Bialy Established Member

Bialy

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The next few days will be hard!! We are here for you. Let us know how things are going and please don't reach out to him at all.

 

You don't deserve to be in that predicament again.

Zahara Established Member

Zahara

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Hi everyone. Day 2 of this heartache. I'm really confused at the moment, it's her birthday today and they don't seem to be doing anything for it. His birthday message to her was:

Happy birthday mate. You're nearly 30 now so probably about time to go back home and find someone to marry!'

 

(Back home meaning their country of origin)

 

I'm confused! It doesn't sound like a message that you send when you have feelings for someone?

 

You need to stop checking what's going on with them. Even if there is nothing going between them, he does not treat you with respect. Pay attention to that. He may not have feelings for her, but that does not change the fact that he does not have "feelings" for you too -- and that means respect, loyalty, honesty, etc.

 

Block all social media.

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