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Am I being used?

fixmyheart90

By fixmyheart90
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Zahara Established Member

Zahara

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I love him SO much, like I haven't ever loved anyone like that..So I do wanna trust him and believe him, but all the responses I am getting from here (and I am very thankful for them) is a real reality check (one that I think I need). Its just so hard to accept all this when you really love someone and you're willing to give them the world. I think about my future with him all the time, marriage, kids...everything :'(

 

You've been with him for a few months and you've attached fast and hard. But loving someone doesn't justify being treated poorly and tolerating disrespect. After a few months dating someone and you're ready to give someone your world -- that doesn't sound healthy. It sounds like co-dependency.

 

Love doesn't leave you feeling like an option.

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Timshel Established Member

Timshel

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I love him SO much, like I haven't ever loved anyone like that..So I do wanna trust him and believe him, but all the responses I am getting from here (and I am very thankful for them) is a real reality check (one that I think I need). Its just so hard to accept all this when you really love someone and you're willing to give them the world. I think about my future with him all the time, marriage, kids...everything :'(

 

First, you do not love him. You are in lust, like, special fondness. Love requires many years and knocks and...no, your situation is not a knock. When I read bolded, I think this can't be real. lol.

 

 

Fixmyheart, if you have any extra time to volunteer or increase your degree..in other words, take your mind off of yourself, do that.

 

Love does not hurt or cause confusion. If you find yourself in discord, worry, fear, pain....it is not love.

 

Be patient and do for others and when love comes you will know.

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fixmyheart90 Member

fixmyheart90

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I do feel like I love him, or at least have strong feelings. We have been seeing each other for 7 months. Is it possible that even after 7 months he does not feel strongly for me? Can someone seriously just have shallow feelings for another person after 7 months? I haven't had a relationship before, so Im really not sure about these things..

Zahara Established Member

Zahara

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I do feel like I love him, or at least have strong feelings. We have been seeing each other for 7 months. Is it possible that even after 7 months he does not feel strongly for me? Can someone seriously just have shallow feelings for another person after 7 months? I haven't had a relationship before, so Im really not sure about these things..

 

He's showing you. There are people that can be in a relationship with someone without being emotionally invested.

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elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

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Getting involved with a man who has unfinished business with another woman is never a good idea, and here he is still in her pocket, he is still dating her. She is his support system.

 

AND she knows nothing about you? Hmmm...

 

I am sorry, but you are being taken for a fool here.

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Miss Clavel Established Member

Miss Clavel

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Hi everyone. Thank you so much for your replies.

 

It really hurt reading all that, but what you are all saying is completely true.I can feel my gut feeling telling me something isn't right. I feel SO horrible right now, heartbroken and sick to my stomach. I haven't eaten in days!

 

I just keep thinking, that if he still has feelings for her and I am the "other woman" :'( then WHY would he ever break up with her and be with ME? Why does he have a relationship with me and not her? Why does is sweet and loving to me? He says sweet things to me, he's loving towards me...I don't understand????

 

i believe lots of things i don't understand. and i believe that, to put it bluntly, there are three of you in the relationship. it's him and her and him and you.

 

and that's too crowded for you, i hope. cuz you know you deserve someone who wants to share their life with you. not anyone else. not even his mother or his brother, his bff, his dad or anyone.

 

i can't tell you why he broke up with her or why they didn't get back together but, they are together and he spends a hell of a lot of time thinking of her, seeing her, talking to her.

 

maybe they broke up because he doesn't have enough money for her family or there is some conflict with their families, but it's not over.

 

and you have a right to have someone belong to you. only you. in as much as anyone can belong to another. all his energy, care and concern, should be for the one he's in a relationship with.

 

i believe that you are starting to feel second fiddle and unfortunatley that feeling is correct and worse there is not a damn thing you can do about it.

 

if you bring it up, you're jealous and insecure and if you don't bring it up you're unhappy and insecure.

 

it doesn't look like he's going to change but since you're young, break up with him, go NC and see what happens.

 

if he shows up at your place and.....

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Timshel Established Member

Timshel

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What has happened to conversation?

 

Isn't the main person, Fixmyheart, your actual boyfriend?

 

The one person who can answer your question....ask.

 

Should you be in love with a man that you can't ask. this. question.?

 

Ask/tell him and don't be a ninny about it, just ask...then, accept the answer.

 

Ask him/call him right now...on his supposed weekend that inhibits contact.

 

Jiminey Scott, call him and tell him that you are not happy and want to go out for a walk right now to discuss.

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elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

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I do feel like I love him, or at least have strong feelings. We have been seeing each other for 7 months. Is it possible that even after 7 months he does not feel strongly for me? Can someone seriously just have shallow feelings for another person after 7 months? I haven't had a relationship before, so Im really not sure about these things..

Go and look on the OW forum there are woman on there who have been in relationships for years with guys who feel very little for them.

This guy is taking advantage of your naivety.

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fixmyheart90 Member

fixmyheart90

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He does see me some weekends, been quite few of them though. And I don't think he sees her because she lives about 45 minutes away... I do know he wants to spend his weekends with his friends mainly though doing 'boy stuff'. And he can't tell his family about me because he says it'll be hard for them to accept me but eventually he will. Anyway, I needed to hear the harsh reality even though it is extremely painful. I really wanted to believe in him but everyone I know and now all of you have more or less the same opinion. I think in the back of my head I knew that maybe he doesn't have as strong of feelings which he claims he does, however I also thought that after 7 months.. How can't you fall for someone? I could never think that people can be in relationships and one party not have strong emotions for the other even when they have been going out for quite some time...my heart is breaking but I really do need to speak to him. I also forgot to mention that we went out for dinner a few days ago and someone rang him 4 times in a row, and he had to walk out to take the call...felt extremely dodgy to me...

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fixmyheart90 Member

fixmyheart90

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Have you had sex with him? Do you use protection?

 

 

 

Yes we've had sex. We have sex almost every time I see him. And always use protection. It's a cultural/religious big no no for him to have children before marriage...

katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

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I strongly suspect she is not his "ex" but, in fact, still very much his girlfriend.

 

That is why he can't ever see you on the weekend.... he is with her.

 

That is also why he can't introduce you to his family, because what would he say?

 

As far as they are concerned, he already has a girlfriend!

 

The problem is you insist on believing everything he *tells* you.

 

Please stop doing that.

 

Pay attention to actions, and frankly his aren't jiving.

 

You are the "weekday girl" he has sex with.

 

His "ex" who is actually still his girlfriend is who he is actually in love with, confides in and respects.

 

I am so sorry :( but pls get strong and dump this weasel.

 

Good luck.

 

Hugs

Edited by katiegrl
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fixmyheart90 Member

fixmyheart90

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He's definately broken up with his ex, I know this as a fact.

 

However, he may as well be with her still. He took holiday off from work to celebrate her birthday with her because he felt like 'she would get upset otherwise'

 

He still wears jewellery that she has engraved with their anniversary date.. To be honest that really bugged me. I know it's just jewellery but still?

 

Anyway I need to speak to him tomorrow... Face the harsh reality I suppose. I dread to think how the coming days/weeks/months will be...

joseb Established Member

joseb

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He's definately broken up with his ex, I know this as a fact.

 

However, he may as well be with her still. He took holiday off from work to celebrate her birthday with her because he felt like 'she would get upset otherwise'

 

He still wears jewellery that she has engraved with their anniversary date.. To be honest that really bugged me. I know it's just jewellery but still?

 

Anyway I need to speak to him tomorrow... Face the harsh reality I suppose. I dread to think how the coming days/weeks/months will be...

 

How do you know this for a fact?

Because he told you??

 

I agree with others, it looks like they are still together.

Which would explain everything pretty well.

 

And even if they are not, there isn't anything here for you if you want a relationship.

Arieswoman Established Member

Arieswoman

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OP,

 

I didn't read any further than this ;

 

He is still in touch with her, every single day and does not want to stop.

 

I would suggest you read this, from Baggage Reclaim ;

 

Search Results emotionally unavailable

Miss Clavel Established Member

Miss Clavel

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He does see me some weekends, been quite few of them though. And I don't think he sees her because she lives about 45 minutes away... I do know he wants to spend his weekends with his friends mainly though doing 'boy stuff'. And he can't tell his family about me because he says it'll be hard for them to accept me but eventually he will. Anyway, I needed to hear the harsh reality even though it is extremely painful. I really wanted to believe in him but everyone I know and now all of you have more or less the same opinion. I think in the back of my head I knew that maybe he doesn't have as strong of feelings which he claims he does, however I also thought that after 7 months.. How can't you fall for someone? I could never think that people can be in relationships and one party not have strong emotions for the other even when they have been going out for quite some time...my heart is breaking but I really do need to speak to him. I also forgot to mention that we went out for dinner a few days ago and someone rang him 4 times in a row, and he had to walk out to take the call...felt extremely dodgy to me...

 

she's number one. that's his choice. there is nothing you can do about it.

 

altho i think it's a good idea for everyone to have a convo like the other poaster advised, i wouldn't. i just slowly fade away and leave them to it.

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fixmyheart90 Member

fixmyheart90

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I've officially had enough. He went to an event today, and all people at this event were from the same cultural background as him. He told me that he was going with his best friend only (his other friends had backed out in the last second) and he put some snapchats up. Who do I see in them? His ex. He quickly removed the snapchat with her in the end. She was there, I wasn't invited..

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Zahara Established Member

Zahara

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I've officially had enough. He went to an event today, and all people at this event were from the same cultural background as him. He told me that he was going with his best friend only (his other friends had backed out in the last second) and he put some snapchats up. Who do I see in them? His ex. He quickly removed the snapchat with her in the end. She was there, I wasn't invited..

 

I'm not surprised. I hope you have ended this and have completely blocked him.

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Nightwriter Member

Nightwriter

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Does his ex/girlfriend/whatever-she-is even know you've been dating him for half a year? Maybe this guy likes having two women pining for him. Wouldn't be the first. Super ego boost for him.

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fixmyheart90 Member

fixmyheart90

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Been a horrible night. I didn't get an ounce of sleep. I demanded that he would come around yesterday to mine, and he did. I told him about how I felt and that I wanted to go through his phone and if I didn't then we were over. He more or less threw his phone at me and stormed off.

I found several things...

 

He definitely broke up with his ex 7 months ago (when we got together). She more or less begged him not to, he still did. He told her he want to keep her as a best friend and she denied this. So for the next 5 weeks she ignores him, until he actually physically went to her apartment and stood outside. She spoke to him and didn't agree to carry on a friendship. And then a month after he got really aggravated and said to her "how are we ever going to get back together if we aren't friends and build on the friendship between us" So since then they tried being friends, met up a few times but it seems like they always end up fighting. They still fight like a couple would do. She somehow found out I existed and got angry at him, he denied my existence completely and said how he was single. Then he told her "i can date whoever I want, it has nothing to do with u" yet still insisted that he is single. Also, he says stuff to her which would give any woman hope that there is still something between them. He gives her false hope and says things that would make anyone think it could work and that he wants it to work too. He tells her EVERY SINGLE problem he has, intimate family details, job issues, financial issues. He went to her when he had lack of money and she borrowed him a huge amount of money. He goes to her when his family have problems, and he's generally very secretive. His family know of her, they know who she is. He still texts her straight away every single morning and says "good morning". Every time they have a fight and want to distance themselves, neither of them can go without talking to the other for more than 2 or 3 days. They still fight about "why didn't you text me yesterday". She doesn't know I exist (well he tries to deny it) and he keeps her a secret from me. So does he really value her more and love her more? also that day when we went for dinner, it was her that called him 4 times. And guess what he said? That he's out on dinner with work colleagues.

BluesPower Established Member

BluesPower

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So I guess that you realize that he is a POS and he has been lying to you and using you for sex the whole time you have been together.

 

And, of course, you realize that he has been sleeping with her the whole time you to have been "together", no matter what the texts or he says.

 

Now, of course you are going to break up with him and never speak to him again, right?

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fixmyheart90 Member

fixmyheart90

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Oh and also, when he is ill he will text her and ask if she's awake early morning and tell her how unwell he feels.

Is it me or do they still act like a couple? Because he insists that all of that is JUST FRIENDSHIP and he has NO FEELINGS AT ALL TOWARDS HER ?!

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fixmyheart90 Member

fixmyheart90

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Bluespower, he doesn't sleep with her or touch her. Because she's religious and she's never had sex with him. Also in one of the texts he told her that he was always reluctant to touch her because he 'didn't wanna lead her on when he's not willing to be in a relationship' and that 'he respects her so he doesn't wanna touch her' he also said 'if it was any other girl, I could touch them, kiss them, be intimate without feeling anything or having guilt, but I respect you so I don't wanna do that when we aren't together'

 

WTF IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

Zahara Established Member

Zahara

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Oh and also, when he is ill he will text her and ask if she's awake early morning and tell her how unwell he feels.

Is it me or do they still act like a couple? Because he insists that all of that is JUST FRIENDSHIP and he has NO FEELINGS AT ALL TOWARDS HER ?!

 

I'm not sure what else you need to get out of this relationship. It seems like you'll tolerate just about any BS to be with this guy. No wonder he treats you like crap. You have no self- respect or any boundaries.

 

You've had pages of unanimous responses. He's even denied you as his girlfriend. And you're still asking questions.

 

End it. He does not love you. And get tested.

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fixmyheart90 Member

fixmyheart90

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I'm gonna end it today. Thanks everyone for all the replies. I've never felt this sick and heartbroken in my life

BluesPower Established Member

BluesPower

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Glad to here that you are ending it. I am sorry for your heart break, but ending it is by far the best thing you could ever do.

 

Good luck...

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