efr1061 Posted September 23, 2016 Posted September 23, 2016 I became friends with a girl when she started dating someone I know for 3 yrs. It wasn't until this year I realized I fell for her. We became super close and she did cheat emotionally with me by talking almost everyday for 6 months on the phone and text about literally everything. She's been trying to fix her current relationship cuz the BF doesn't seem to properly appreciate her, is a control freak, is not satisfying her sexually, and very good at lying so I fear he lies to her about a lot. It really hurts to witness. We became close friends, maybe she was using me for attention but it felt way more deep than just that alone. She knows my true feelings about her. I never pushed for her to break up or sleep with me. We have basically hung out in a group every week for basically the full 3 years. I've finally decided to step back and not contact her since she wants to focus on fixing her relationship. I'm respecting this to the fullest. I'm just wondering if it sounds like there's a chance she may find herself wanting to get back in touch with me after awhile, possibly realizing my love for her is as genuine as it gets. Distance is supposed to help me move on but at the same time I'm really hoping after how close we got that there is some hope of hearing from her again. That there was some spark of how much she truly means to me planted within her and one day she will see that I can appreciate her the way she deserves. Too many memories to easily let it all go away. She was literally the best thing to have ever entered my life. She made me healthier, happy, and better person. I want to be optimistic.
preraph Posted September 23, 2016 Posted September 23, 2016 I became friends with a girl when she started dating someone I know for 3 yrs. It wasn't until this year I realized I fell for her. We became super close and she did cheat emotionally with me by talking almost everyday for 6 months on the phone and text about literally everything. She's been trying to fix her current relationship cuz the BF doesn't seem to properly appreciate her, is a control freak, is not satisfying her sexually, and very good at lying so I fear he lies to her about a lot. It really hurts to witness. We became close friends, maybe she was using me for attention but it felt way more deep than just that alone. She knows my true feelings about her. I never pushed for her to break up or sleep with me. We have basically hung out in a group every week for basically the full 3 years. I've finally decided to step back and not contact her since she wants to focus on fixing her relationship. I'm respecting this to the fullest. I'm just wondering if it sounds like there's a chance she may find herself wanting to get back in touch with me after awhile, possibly realizing my love for her is as genuine as it gets. Distance is supposed to help me move on but at the same time I'm really hoping after how close we got that there is some hope of hearing from her again. That there was some spark of how much she truly means to me planted within her and one day she will see that I can appreciate her the way she deserves. Too many memories to easily let it all go away. She was literally the best thing to have ever entered my life. She made me healthier, happy, and better person. I want to be optimistic. That's not how it works. What's important to her is whether SHE loves YOU in that way or not, and she doesn't or something sexual would have happened way before now. You should have gone after her in the very beginning. Once you wait 3 years and try it, it usually does end the friendship because it feels like a betrayal, like you're just pretending to be just a friend, and that makes women mad. She would have thoughts like: "He knew from the beginning I wasn't interested romantically, so why is he doing this now?" and "Maybe if he'd been confident and asked me out years ago, I'd have gone, but it's too late now. What is wrong with him that it took him this long?"
Author efr1061 Posted September 23, 2016 Author Posted September 23, 2016 (edited) That's not how it works. What's important to her is whether SHE loves YOU in that way or not, and she doesn't or something sexual would have happened way before now. You should have gone after her in the very beginning. Once you wait 3 years and try it, it usually does end the friendship because it feels like a betrayal, like you're just pretending to be just a friend, and that makes women mad. She would have thoughts like: "He knew from the beginning I wasn't interested romantically, so why is he doing this now?" and "Maybe if he'd been confident and asked me out years ago, I'd have gone, but it's too late now. What is wrong with him that it took him this long?" Well the thing is I did not even know her until she was already dating this guy. However the time that we have been talking this last year super exclusively, we have had some sexual flirting over text and there's been touching when we hang with each other, nothing crazy but light. So I'm positive I wasn't just in a friend zone and I already found out that she was attracted to me. I just didn't want to push for her to cheat. However on that note, earlier this year after a night of some drinks I found myself kissing her in 2 instances in one night and it was a make out each time but brief. I felt guilty the next day because in no way did I want to suggest cheating and I apologized saying my actions were inappropriate for someone who's in a relationship and that's when I basically told her my feelings. Edited September 23, 2016 by efr1061
Author efr1061 Posted September 23, 2016 Author Posted September 23, 2016 I might've left out some detail because there's so much to explain yet so hard to lay everything out in a simple post. Just the way she would look at me was very unique and she always spent time talking to me every time we hung out in a group. I've spent so much time researching trying to figure out if there's any indication of possible feelings from her and just our interactions and the way we are with each other, it felt like there was something in her as well. I don't know that for sure but it certainly seems like it. I feel like I won't ever know while she's in a relationship. I was trying my best to show her how much I truly do care and love her, proving to her that I am someone who genuinely cares about her and appreciates her in every way she deserves but got to a point where I had to step back like I said in the original message.
Lifeissomething Posted September 25, 2016 Posted September 25, 2016 You're in permanent friendzone man. Sorry I have have been there and so have many guys. The only indications of ANY sort of flare is at best grasps (some texts and minor touching) which is nothing over 3 years. It sounds like you're a great friend and support system for this girl. Girls love that. She also knows that you like her (girls know) but will choose to not acknowledge it until it becomes a major problem (and in which the friendship will probably end). Girls are a lot different from guys in this respect. By that I mean they can treat a guy like a girl, someone they get super close with and attach support and positive feelings with. They may know or believe that this guy has feelings for them, but it's almost never enough to turn the friendship away. So all while said guy may believe the longer their friendship and the closeness that follows is indicative that the connection will develop into a relationship. The girl on the other hand is just building a friendship. A lot of girls have a "close friend that has feelings for them." While sometimes these friendships transition into relationships, it's more common that they don't--the girl was just building a friendship, nothing more, and while maybe teased and flirted at times, was certain to not engage in an actual relationship. Relationships are a lot more like guy meets girl, both like each other and they date, sadly not, guy meets and likes girl, goes through years of friendzone and eventually gets girl. That's some hollywood movie stuff, not reality.
dumbass2 Posted September 25, 2016 Posted September 25, 2016 I tend to agree with the other posters. You are doing the right thing by backing away because you have feelings other then friendship and she does still have a boyfriend and she may feel more for him then she may be letting on to you, after all she is still with him. I think she see's you as a friend right now (a male girlfriend). In the future? No one knows, but you should stay at a distance while she is in a relationship.
preraph Posted September 25, 2016 Posted September 25, 2016 Well, if she ever breaks up with her boyfriend, that is the time to just ask her on a real date and don't be coy about it. Take your shot.
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