Beatrixx Posted September 20, 2016 Posted September 20, 2016 My ex boyfriend and I are both 27 years old. He broke up with me 4 days ago because he felt I had been neglecting him. I had no idea about this, he had never communicated it to me and I feel absolutely awful about it. He said that he felt things hadn't been right for over a year in our relationship of almost 3 years. I just wish I he had told me sooner so I could have tried to be a better girlfriend. I was always loyal to him and never had eyes for anyone else but I know I can get engrossed and carried away with hobbies, I'd done this for so long and most the time he felt he was just 'sitting there', and this has caused him to feel distant to me and unsure of his feelings. The last 4 days I feel I've done everything I can on my part. I have called him, turned up at his doorstep with small gifts, poured my heart out to him and told him how much he means to me, promised to make things better between us and give him the love he deserves if he were to take me back, and even go to counselling if I had to. When I was round his place I also tried to kiss him to show my affection and he did respond and kiss me back. However although he has been nice to me and told me what a wonderful person I am and how he always wants me in his life as a friend (I don't want this! It would hurt too much, especially if he were to meet someone else one day) aside from that he's not said he wants to get back together, he's just said he doesn't know and is confused. I asked him if there is anyone else and he promises me there isn't, and his mother who he lives with says she's sure there anyone else isn't either. It's heartbreaking to not be given a straight answer by the man you're in love with, so yesterday I asked him to think about it and get in touch if he decides he wants to give it another try. I also said not to contact me again if he doesn't wish to and to respect I need to move on. He said he doesn't mean to mess me about and is genuinely confused. I sent him a personalised ecard I made, and quite a soppy one, before I ended the conversation telling him how sorry I was, and he responded with 'thank you so much, that is so so sweet'. And that's it. What do you think guys? Shall I start with NC and know I did all I can and if he doesn't get in touch accept his love wasn't enough and move on?
Zahara Posted September 20, 2016 Posted September 20, 2016 Yes, start NC. All you are doing is enabling his dysfunction. Has he ever talked about the issues he was having with you? I have to wonder if this is just an excuse to end it because he's too much of a coward to tell you the actual reason for wanting to end with you. I would think that if you value the relationship and your partner, you'd want to communicate in order to keep it alive and moving forward and not stay silent for a year. 1
Author Beatrixx Posted September 23, 2016 Author Posted September 23, 2016 Last week my wonderful sweet boyfriend of 3 years left me because I didn't show him enough love or affection over the last year of our relationship. He felt neglected, is very hurt, and I'm full of regret. Although I have made it clear that I love him would do anything to be able to get back together and work on our relationship, he only responds saying he is 'confused, hurt, scared, and needs time.' So now is the time for me to go NC. Our last conversation by text message went like this: Me: I've just looked back at some texts on my phone from July, and saw how happy and excited you said I made you. I wish I had the sense to read behind that and realise how unhappy you really were. I want to apologise and let you know how much I'll always regret being so selfish and taking you for granted. Him: I'm sorry. It breaks my heart to read this, it really does. I just can't bare hurting you. Me: It's okay, I don't want you to feel bad. I just wanted you to know how sorry I am. It hurts now but one day I'll be fine, I promise. I'm going to try my best to be strong. I wish the best for you, I really do, and want you to have a wonderful weekend you have deserved for so long. You're the best person I've ever known. Him: You are too, you are just phenomenal. We have had so many wonderful weekends together and you know it. Me: I just want every weekend to be perfect and the happiest it can be for you from now on. Not just weekends, but every day and every moment. I wish you so much happiness. Him: I wish it for you too, you know I do. Now and always. Yup. I know it's soppy. >_< I wanted to end it as nice as I could, I don't want to be known as a bitter ex girlfriend. I've put some post it notes up on my desk to give me some some encouragement about focusing on my future and work, and to stick to NC. I need some support guys as I'm hurting and missing him so much right now. 1
Toodaloo Posted September 23, 2016 Posted September 23, 2016 Well you need to get some coping mechanisms in place here. What are you going to do when you start thinking about him? What are you going to do to help yourself heal? Make yourself a plan and work out what you are going to do when you get upset. Try not to wallow too much and try to get on with it as best you can. You will be a bit up and down and you will need to cry and do all of that but there is life after a break up and you need to look after yourself. You do know that he had a responsibility to tell you and not just pretend that he was happy/ unhappy don't you... 1
Satu Posted September 23, 2016 Posted September 23, 2016 Sorry that you're hurting. Get your basics in place. Drink enough water. Eat enough and eat healthily. Get enough rest. If you can't sleep just lie down. Do some easy exercise. Walking, swimming or stretching are good. If you are on prescription meds, take them as prescribed. Get out of the house every day. Don't be isolated. Meet up with the good people you know. Keep up with your responsibilities. Post here as often as you want to. You'll be OK. Take care.
Humantk Posted September 23, 2016 Posted September 23, 2016 (edited) Im going through the same thing. My girlfriend of 5 years left me 6 weeks ago. She had become unhappy as well, youre texts remind me of our last words together. Just follow the advice above. It was a mess the last 6 weeks, coming here and working out and eating healthy are all great steps. From what I read from your texts it ended with grace. Thats a good thing. One foot in front of the other, one day at a time. Just feel the emotions, if you start feeling sad let it out. Pain is a beautiful thing, we're lucky to feel this pain as proof we have loved deeply. And while parting is a sweet sorrow, that is a part of life. Keep riding the waves, the tide goes in and out, life will raise you up again in time Edited September 23, 2016 by Humantk 1
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