Neptune Posted July 9, 2005 Posted July 9, 2005 So you are in love with someone you shouldn`t be. Well welcome to the adult world. I fall in love with many married women. And then just as quickly let it go. It is part of being an adult that all attractive people are not available. In fact, most people that you are attracted to will be married. Attractive people attract people and well, that`s the way it is. You learn to let it go. Or otherwise be a disruptive force on this planet.
LucreziaBorgia Posted July 9, 2005 Posted July 9, 2005 Originally posted by winnie_05 I know what your all saying is right, i know its wrong to be feeling this. I dont suppose it makes any difference but his son is adopted. Its probably the excitement that I want, the fact I know it cant happen makes you want something more. You are planting the seeds of resentment toward your boyfriend. The longer you stay with him, while wanting someone else - the more you will begin to resent him because he's not the one you want. You'll justify things in your mind by comparing your BF to his father, and lo and behold: guess who will continue to come out on the short end of the stick? Unrequited crushes are the worst - because you get to experience a highly idealized and unrealistic version of the 'zipless f*ck' in your mind. You will imagine how awesome it would be, how hot, how sexy, how... blah blah blah. Your fantasy will not get the benefit of a cold dose of reality, so it will continue to build the more you spend time around him. Who knows... something may happen. At the rate you are going, eventually it will. If F is enough of an a**h*** to flirt and send sexual signals out to his son's girlfriend - there isn't much to stop him from continuing to draw that line in the sand, erasing it, and easing ever forward because... you are not stopping him from doing so. In fact, you are encouraging it. If you want to avoid a world of hurt for all parties involved, then stop! You have a choice to stop this, so do it! Don't say that you aren't 'in control of your emotions'. You may not be, but you are certainly in control of your actions. Stop the sexual tension between yourself and your BF's dad. I know you enjoy the hot thrill that this whole taboo situation is about, but step too close to that fire and it will consume you. You want it to stop? Tell your BF that you are not comfortable around his father. Take immediate action to avoid being alone with him. Do not make eye contact with him. Do not let him touch you. Do not touch him. Throw a bucket of cold water on the situation.
newbby Posted July 9, 2005 Posted July 9, 2005 this probably began as a feeling of getting closer to your boyfriends family and then got confused in your mind. the more you tried to control and analyse those feeling, the more you fed them. it is a pattern of thought, similar to obsessions people experience in ocd. you can control the thoughts with practise, you will do, if you stick with it. the trouble is that you are wondering if the feelings could become reality, they cant and you already know that. it is quite natural for a parent to be a bit competetive with a same sex child. i once went out with someone who's father used to be very touchy feely to me and flirtatious, he was also extremely competetive with his son in other ways, trying to drink as much, party as much etc. i actually pitied him. my mother is competetive with me in that way, it irritates me but i understand it. so dont worry about it, stop flirting and stop feeding this, its just thoughts that you are not going to act on, and dont need the attention you are giving them.
VirginiaBob Posted July 9, 2005 Posted July 9, 2005 "So you are in love with someone you shouldn`t be. Well welcome to the adult world. I fall in love with many married women. And then just as quickly let it go. It is part of being an adult that all attractive people are not available. " Nah, that's not love, it's infatuation.
Author winnie_05 Posted July 9, 2005 Author Posted July 9, 2005 I know your all right, its just easier said then done
mazza32cott Posted July 9, 2005 Posted July 9, 2005 Just part of being an adult. Not hard at all. From what you write, you do not seem to want to put an end to it. So what is it that you were hoping to get out of your post? I don't understand. Let go of it, don't see him. Go ahead with it and you will be responsible for a lot of hatred and bitterness not only from bf but also other family members and friends. That is when it becomes hard and not beforehand. Do yourself a favour and don't put yourself and others through this unecessary delimna. It is easy. It's just the way you think about it and it's in what you do from here on in. This is all part of being an adult and believe me life is not a bed of roses but you need to take responsibility for your own actions. Good luck. Maz
lynnered Posted July 10, 2005 Posted July 10, 2005 Originally posted by winnie_05 I know your all right, its just easier said then done if u took the energy u are wasting on this and used it elsewhere what would u be doing ?? wasted time is something u can never get back , the more u are involved in something , the more involvment it leads too soooooooooooooooooooooo stop involving urself
mazza32cott Posted July 10, 2005 Posted July 10, 2005 I agree with Lynnered. You are abviously not fully committed to your bf and that is unfair on him. He deserves to meet someone who is fully foccussed on him. You obviously are not. It think it would be best for the bf if you left. Then he could be free to find someone he deserves. I also think the father would be better off if you were out of the picture. He wouldn't be subjected to the aftermath of what would happen in this situation. And you would be better off too as you will not have to endure the aftermath of stupid and uncalled for behaviour. Perhaps you too then will find someone who will give you what you want. Hopefully someone who is available.
lynnered Posted July 10, 2005 Posted July 10, 2005 and i speak from experience ,(not this situation but age & life) when u waste ur time & energy in things that arent worth it u die a little every day , and u will be so hurt,miserable & angry inside if u do something that doesnt make u happy (the confusion * torment u are going through is far from happy) have the guts to walk away from something that does not serve u , there is no redeeming value in misery u are so young ur whole life ahead of u , make this choice to not do something messed up , and not mess up u,ur boyfriend & everyone else , do u have insurance for therapy??
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