Heart break is so TOUGH. Especially in med school

[Pacman]

I'm an idiot period. I did everything wrong. Karma came around and I totally deserve it.

 

Was seeing a girl in class. Although we weren't exclusive it was known between us that we are FWBs and won't sleep around with anyone else.

 

Anyways she liked me, and she would always ask me if I liked her but would never give her a straight answer. I would just tell her med school is rough and I would like to focus on my career and that a relationship wouldn't be a good idea. We kept doing our thing for about a month.

 

I totally had a wall up because when I fall for someone...I fall hard and I don't know if I could do that in med school.

 

I didn't realize I liked her until she went away to a different hospital for a week. I didn't contact her because I was studying for an exam. During this time of no contact I realized I couldn't stop thinking about her and that I do like her. I had plans on after my exams, telling her that maybe we could take it slowly and see where it goes but I was too late.

 

She started seeing an upperclass man. When I found out my heart broke. I haven't been able to sleep, eat or focus in class. The worst thing is I have to see her everyday for another year.

 

I mean we were good friends prior to this, and I'm really happy that she's happy but man..does it hurt. It hurts real bad

 

Any ideas on how to get back up and get it together?

[elaine567]

I guess you cannot, as you had made it plain you were not up for a relationship and that what you two had was just an arrangement for sex to you. She liked you but you basically rejected her, few will want to give you another chance there.

She obviously thought that wasn't enough for her, so she moved on to someone willing to offer her more.

 

Do not make a FWB out of people who are relationship material to you, make sure they have a fatal flaw that stops you falling in love with them, and if you know you are going to go all gooey over someone you sleep with, then a FWB arrangement is something you should avoid like the plague.

Edited September 23, 2016 by elaine567
removed quote

[Pacman]

I guess you cannot, as you had made it plain you were not up for a relationship and that what you two had was just an arrangement for sex to you. She liked you but you basically rejected her, few will want to give you another chance there.

She obviously thought that wasn't enough for her, so she moved on to someone willing to offer her more.

 

Do not make a FWB out of people who are relationship material to you, make sure they have a fatal flaw that stops you falling in love with them, and if you know you are going to go all gooey over someone you sleep with, then a FWB arrangement is something you should avoid like the plague.

 

Thanks. She does smoke and that is a turn off for me. But it doesn't help how I currently feel.

 

We got together 3 days ago, and I told her how I felt. She said I hurt her and that she is "talking" to another guy. But she also said she's confused because she still likes me. I asked her for a second chance

 

We then made out. She said she'll let me know by the next day but it's been 3 days and I haven't heard anything. I figured I wanted to give her space.

 

Should I just ask if I missed my chance so that I can move on?

 

I really need to feel better. My studies are suffering because I can't eat or sleep.

[aloneinaz]

Have some patience here. Don't blow it by smothering her at all. You told her how you felt and the ball is in her court.

 

I would NOT contact her again. Be cool in class, don't act upset or hurt. Treat her like a platonic buddy in class if you have to engage. After school, NC. If she texts you to "see how you're doing", you should reply you're doing fine with a smiley face. If she keeps texting, tell her you don't feel comfortable with that since she's dating someone else followed by see you in class.

 

You need to be unavailable to her now. Let her miss you and her interaction with you. This is your only chance at the moment. If she really liked you, she'll come back but you can't look like a hurt puppy, begging for attention.

[preraph]

Since she apparently only recently started dating this guy and hopefully it's not exclusive yet, it wouldn't hurt to tell her, I had no idea how much I'd miss you until you were gone. I do care about you.

[Pacman]

Have some patience here. Don't blow it by smothering her at all. You told her how you felt and the ball is in her court.

 

I would NOT contact her again. Be cool in class, don't act upset or hurt. Treat her like a platonic buddy in class if you have to engage. After school, NC. If she texts you to "see how you're doing", you should reply you're doing fine with a smiley face. If she keeps texting, tell her you don't feel comfortable with that since she's dating someone else followed by see you in class.

 

You need to be unavailable to her now. Let her miss you and her interaction with you. This is your only chance at the moment. If she really liked you, she'll come back but you can't look like a hurt puppy, begging for attention.

 

This is what I thought. I wasn't going to contact her. I'll just keep doing my thing. My main concern now is wanting to feel better or get over her. Wound is SO fresh and it's affecting my studies.

 

Having to see her in class everyday is also going to suck. Seeing her texting her new guy and seeing her be all giddy and happy. Meanwhile I'm miserable.

 

Since she apparently only recently started dating this guy and hopefully it's not exclusive yet, it wouldn't hurt to tell her, I had no idea how much I'd miss you until you were gone. I do care about you.

 

I already told her I had no idea how much I liked her until not seeing her for a while.

 

This truly is Karma. I'm not a bad guy. I just had a wall up. I'm scared of getting hurt again after being cheated on twice

[aloneinaz]

This is what I thought. I wasn't going to contact her. I'll just keep doing my thing. My main concern now is wanting to feel better or get over her. Wound is SO fresh and it's affecting my studies.

Absolutely don't contact her again. You'll look like a needy, desperate dude which is a MAJOR turnoff to either sex. You'll be MUCH more attractive to her if your cool, upbeat in class and act like nothing has happened to you.

 

It's a choice you can make. Chose to roll with the punches and not let this rattle you. You're going to have many more R/S's in your life. There's always this kind of crap when one ends whether it was a FWB, R/S or a simple friendship. We can't take them so damn serious. Keep busy w/studies, eat well, sleep and you'll be fine.

 

Having to see her in class everyday is also going to suck. Seeing her texting her new guy and seeing her be all giddy and happy. Meanwhile I'm miserable.

I already told her I had no idea how much I liked her until not seeing her for a while.

This truly is Karma. I'm not a bad guy. I just had a wall up. I'm scared of getting hurt again after being cheated on twice

 

Again, fake it till you make it. You can't demonstrate that you're miserable. You need to be the guy who comes across as calm, cool and confident. You put your cards on the table. In the mean time, don't wait for her. She was only your FWB. Get out there and date yourself.

 

Our minds can really f-with us. You're only coveting her badly now because you can't have her. We all want what we can't have. It's a mind F***, nothing more. Don't let your mind trick you here. If she was all that, you would of pursued her and locked her up when she was available.

 

Here's an example of the same psychology- Someone dumps their significant other. The dumpee accepts the decision and absolutely vanishes from the dumpers life. The dumper thinks "damn, I didn't mean much to them" since they never heard from the dumper again. The dumper then moves on w/their lives. Some time passes, maybe the dumper is lonely or isn't having luck dating. Now, occasionally, a dumper will get curious about the person they dumped. They'll throw out a text (feeler) to see if they still have power over the dumpee. If they are ignored, they really get interested again because they feel the dumpee isn't available to them anymore, meaning the dumper assumed they could fall back to the person they dumped only to find their safety net is gone.

 

Relax, breathe. Play it cool and DON'T engage with her. Let her miss you. Start dating. You'll be on her mind quickly if you play it cool, don't contact her and you'll then hear from her again. MAKE HER tell you she wants to date, don't engage w/her breadcrumbs or attention seeking contact. Remind her you're not comfortable talking with her while she's dating someone. You'll then get the power back.

Edited September 25, 2016 by aloneinaz

[Pacman]

Awesome advice

 

I'm done. I don't want to pursue her anymore. She can live happily ever after with the guy for all I care. I'm too tired for games

 

Right now I just want to be able to sleep, and eat. But my broken heart is not letting me.

 

I'm frustrated. I don't want to feel this way anymore. I'm okay with losing her. It's my own damn fault. This is karmas way of punishing me. I've accepted it.

 

I just want some relief from this heart ache. I already took a day off from studying. I'm a couple of days behind and in med school thats about a week.

 

Any advice on the healing portion of this? It's a vicious cycle.

 

I go for a run and lift weights. Feel great, about an hour later the feelings come back. So then I can't eat...when I don't eat I don't replenish my body after working out. So then I can't work out before of no energy, add to that I can't sleep because I wake up in so much pain. Again that adds to no energy. I'll force myself to workout but there's nothing in the tank.

 

I DON'T CARE ABOUT HER. SHE SMOKES. I TOLD MYSELF I DIDNT WANT TO DATE SOMEONE WHO SMOKES.

 

I JUST WANT TO HEAL ME

Edited September 25, 2016 by Pacman

[Taramere]

I mean we were good friends prior to this, and I'm really happy that she's happy but man..does it hurt. It hurts real bad

 

Any ideas on how to get back up and get it together?

 

It's always horrible to get your heart broken, but its also how character gets built. I remember years ago, getting my heart broken really horribly, cheated on etc. I moved to a different city and got a job. Far too often, I'd be sitting on a train going to work and I'd feel the tears just springing up out of nowhere. I'd always been somebody who was quite easily moved to tears, and I'd also always been somebody who was almost militant about "there's nothing wrong with having a good cry...don't anybody judge me for it!"

 

However, at this point I was in public places and I was getting tearful. Complete strangers feeling the need to pat me on the arm etc. I remember thinking "I have got to get a grip over my emotions. I've no control over them whatsoever..." but I absolutely could not do the stiff upper lip thing. Well, I got another job and it was in a fairly rough part of London. I was working with a bunch of women who were very nice, friendly and funny but who were not the type to take any crap at all - and there was no way I could be a snivelling wreck in front of them.

 

I remember during a work lunch out, regaling them with the details of the break up that had been. Their reaction was a combination of anger, outrage on my behalf and humour..and by the end of the lunch I was crying, but with laughter. I didn't work in that job for very long, since I got a job back home that I really wanted (plus I wanted to be back near my family) but just that short spell of time with those women set me on the path to making a few changes. Not least, that humour is the best coping mechanism for dealing with crap. It's the best mechanism because it doesn't shut you off from your feelings in the way that denial, or stiff upper lip reactions do. And it brings fun back into your life.

 

And it starts with learning to laugh at your own heartbreak. Which sounds horrible, impossible and self-hating, but it needn't be any of those things. All of us have ridiculous aspects to us, and those who think they don't have any are usually the most ridiculous of all. If you look for comedy, you will find many people out there who have a great knack for turning their own personal heartbreak or stressful situation into humour.

 

There are other methods. If you listen to some "positivity, happiness etc" hypnotherapy video before you drop off to sleep every night, unless you're determined to prove that these things don't work, the chances are that you'll start feeling better pretty fast. Not as a result of medication, or some punishing "blocking it all out" exercise regime or any of that...but just as a result of shifting your mind's focus while it's in a state that's susceptible to it. Make your bedtime a generally pleasant time that you look forward to. A tidy bedroom, a bit of light reading, a hypnotherapy positive thinking/relaxation tape. Things that aren't taxing to the brain, that will help you drop off to sleep and switch your focus away from thinking about this girl.

 

So in a nutshell, fun, comedy and hypnotherapy - because as you know, if you're in medical school, you need to move on fast from this. You can't afford to let heartbreak jeopardise your future career. I think the fact that you're looking at this in terms of "how do I pull myself up from this" is very promising. It shows that you're not a wallower. You want to feel better, and to be honest....that's probably the biggest step a person takes in recovering from a heartbreak. Getting past the generally pointless "how do I get this person back, should I try to talk to them etc" stage and getting to that "focusing on starting to feel better" point. If you're there already, then that points to you being a pretty resilient person, even if you don't feel like one right now, who will be able to move on pretty rapidly to getting on with his life and meeting somebody new.

Edited September 25, 2016 by Taramere

[aloneinaz]

I'm done. I don't want to pursue her anymore. She can live happily ever after with the guy for all I care. I'm too tired for games

 

Right now I just want to be able to sleep, and eat. But my broken heart is not letting me.

 

I'm frustrated. I don't want to feel this way anymore. I'm okay with losing her. It's my own damn fault. This is karmas way of punishing me. I've accepted it.

 

I just want some relief from this heart ache. I already took a day off from studying. I'm a couple of days behind and in med school thats about a week.

 

Any advice on the healing portion of this? It's a vicious cycle.

 

I go for a run and lift weights. Feel great, about an hour later the feelings come back. So then I can't eat...when I don't eat I don't replenish my body after working out. So then I can't work out before of no energy, add to that I can't sleep because I wake up in so much pain. Again that adds to no energy. I'll force myself to workout but there's nothing in the tank.

 

I DON'T CARE ABOUT HER. SHE SMOKES. I TOLD MYSELF I DIDNT WANT TO DATE SOMEONE WHO SMOKES.

 

I JUST WANT TO HEAL ME

 

You're going to be fine. It takes time to feel better. I've only really had my heart broken once from a toxic R/S. I too couldn't eat or sleep. I made protein shakes that I could power down. I went and bought over the counter sleep meds.

 

Now, I vanished like a fart in the wind when she dumped me. I had NO contact w/her after that. Time passing and keeping myself busy made me feel better within a few days where I could eat and sleep again. This is why you want to block her on your phone and social media. You don't want to see her name come up or her BS attempts at contact while you're healing. It will only set you back.

 

Find a way to power down some shakes or Ensure drinks. Keep working out and stay busy. You'll be fine.

 

Another gentle suggestion for the future. In the corporate world there's an expression. "Don't dip your pin in company ink". Meaning, if you date someone in the office and it goes south, you're stuck having to see them day after day. Maybe date folks that are not at your college in the future so you can have clean breaks when they run their course.

Edited September 25, 2016 by aloneinaz

[Pacman]

She got a hold of me today. She said she liked me but she also liked another guy. I told her I was uncomfortable with that and that I'm going to take a step back to start the healing process.

 

This sucks because she's in my class and I have to see her everyday

 

But I will act like it didn't affect me

[Pacman]

Saw her today in class.

 

She so jolly and happy. Meanwhile I have to pretend to be happy

 

Always smiling after looking at her phone. It's pure torture.

 

Oh well.. I WILL get over this situation and WILL be a better person

[aloneinaz]

Saw her today in class.

 

She so jolly and happy. Meanwhile I have to pretend to be happy

 

Always smiling after looking at her phone. It's pure torture.

 

Oh well.. I WILL get over this situation and WILL be a better person

 

Of course she is. Life's simply grand and perfect in her world! NOT! Typical BS she's pulling and don't buy into it. It's like FB. Everyone's life is perfect and EVERYONE is super happy! She's simply putting on a show.

 

You'll be fine. Your mindset should be "whatever" if/when you see her. I can tell you that if you ignore her and she never hears from you again, it will REALLY gnaw on her ego and self esteem. I'm sure she's expecting you to text or email her, telling her how much you miss her and how flipping awesome she is..

 

Personally, I wouldn't be sitting at home thinking about her. I'd be out looking for some hot thang to hang out and have fun with. Then she can see you staring at your phone w/a big smile on your face.

[Pacman]

Of course she is. Life's simply grand and perfect in her world! NOT! Typical BS she's pulling and don't buy into it. It's like FB. Everyone's life is perfect and EVERYONE is super happy! She's simply putting on a show.

 

You'll be fine. Your mindset should be "whatever" if/when you see her. I can tell you that if you ignore her and she never hears from you again, it will REALLY gnaw on her ego and self esteem. I'm sure she's expecting you to text or email her, telling her how much you miss her and how flipping awesome she is..

 

Personally, I wouldn't be sitting at home thinking about her. I'd be out looking for some hot thang to hang out and have fun with. Then she can see you staring at your phone w/a big smile on your face.

 

I wish I didn't have to see her but she's in the same class as me from 10-6. I exchange the friendly hello but shes being distant even though she said were cool. I don't know why she'd be acting distant.

 

I'm just not ready to meet or talk to other girls. They don't interest me right now

 

I am working out a lot. I've accepted that I'll be hurting and my challenge will be to study with this pain

 

I really regret treating her bad. I'm not that person she didn't deserve to be treated like that. I think this is why it's harder for me to get over her.

 

I'm going to due when she makes it official with the other guy

[victimsoflove]

Maybe she felt unrequited love with you. She wanted to know if you feel the same but you couldn't answer. So, u never went in a relationship with her, but you like her. And u get hurt every time u see her happy with another man.

 

You've got a lesson to learn here. If you love her, tell her.

But it didn't happen. Or maybe you can talk to her and ask her how she is. If she's already happy, then let her go and be happy for her. If you're meant to be, the universe will arrange that for you! Or maybe the universe will send you a better one! You'll never know! Surrender!

 

Good luck!