spriggan2 Posted September 23, 2016 Posted September 23, 2016 So I was seeing this girl for 5 months. We broke up and she said some things at the end that really did not sit well with me. But because I was the one being dumped and was on the back foot, I simply attempted to save face by being polite and showing I wasn't hurt or upset. I had no real time to process her words and respond with how I truly felt. So now I've been sitting on all that was left unsaid and it has turned into bitterness and resentment, and its clouding on my thoughts. Of course my instinct was to send a letter of final words. Getting everything off my chest. But I came to this forum and the advice I got was no, don't do it. So I didn't. For nearly two months. I haven't contacted her since the breakup, I haven't been following her on social media, and she hasn't contacted me either. I don't really miss her, because while I was attached to her I don't feel like she was someone I couldn't replace or even upgrade. But at the same time, this need I have to let her know that I was hurt, and that I don't respect the way she ended things, it's been eating me alive. I try not to think about it, but when it pops into my head (daily) it makes me incredibly bitter. I lose focus. I feel like I have this permanent tension in my chest. Right now, as I'm typing this, I have what feels like a small knot in the lower back of my skull. And they're always there, these physical and emotional pressure locks that I can't unlatch no matter how hard I try. It's starting to make me wonder if this is even healthy. Two months have gone by and true, when I'm distracted that helps, but I can't always be distracted. I start to wonder if the alternative of just sending one last message to her will at least stop me from thinking about it. Maybe I won't be up at three in the morning writing a forum post. I just don't know. How much time will this take.
Blanco Posted September 23, 2016 Posted September 23, 2016 She won't care. Write the letter but do not send it, unless you wanna give her and her friends something to laugh about. 1
Author spriggan2 Posted September 23, 2016 Author Posted September 23, 2016 (edited) It was written and deleted weeks ago. Helped a little at the time. Not doing much good for me now. Edited September 23, 2016 by spriggan2
aloneinaz Posted September 23, 2016 Posted September 23, 2016 Looking at your past topics/threads that you started, this being angry and resentful is a pattern of yours and may suggest you should talk to a professional. Some of your other posts indicate you're struggling with self esteem issues as well. You've posted this same question about not appreciating NC or someone's treatment of you in the past. Is this current post the same person from months and months ago or someone new? Either way, you should review your topic history. It does suggest talking to a therapist could help you figure out some of your struggles. 2
smudge21 Posted September 23, 2016 Posted September 23, 2016 You're in the middle of that fight where one side of you is letting go and the other is not wanting to. It is hard, like any healing, but the alternative is to rip off the bandages and damage the wound all over again. Contacting her, even if she doesn't reply, will set you right back to where you were. Then it will be 6 months of pain added on top. Just face it and work through it best you can. We've all walked this road and it sucks - for some it lasts years, but the fact is that we all get through it and heal. You will too. 1
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