Vado Posted September 23, 2016 Posted September 23, 2016 One of the things which is important if you have a date and you like her to become your lover/girlfriend is a deep/emotional connection. For me it's no problem to get a deep connection, but it can be seperated in two kinds: the one that makes you her lover and the one that makes her saying one day 'this is my best friend' The last one is the connection that makes you the only guy in the world that knows that she cheated with her ex or that she's jealous at her sister for having a hansom bf, those kind a things. My view on this is that if you don't want the 'bestfriendconnection' but become her lover, you have to delay 'deep stories', thirst you have to be playfull, a bit longer more superficial to create that sexual spark. If she talks to soon about, let say, grewing up with a depressed mother, the vibe goes to comfort and understanding. You have to keep it light in the beginning. Am I right? Any thoughts about this?
preraph Posted September 23, 2016 Posted September 23, 2016 Well, you don't want to become her girlfriend or her hairdresser, that's for sure. But what keeps that from happening is mutual attraction. If she has strong attraction for you, she won't even be telling you about her jealousy and how she covets her sister's bf. If she's doing that, she's not interested in you in any romantic way at all. If she's attracted to you and into kissing you, etc, she's not going to usually waste too much time using her time with you to moan about things like that. You will be her port in the storm. Just stopping someone who isn't attracted to you from telling you deep stories isn't going to make them attracted to you. But it will make them at least understand you are not interested in being their girlfriend to confide in, but then if she isn't attracted to you and you're not willing to be just a friend, she will figure there's no point in seeing you at all.
Gaeta Posted September 23, 2016 Posted September 23, 2016 I am the type of person that does not want to hear confidence at beginning. The first couple of months are so fragile it may take nothing to destroy the image I have of them. Example my BF told me after 6 months that him and his mother had a very dysfunctional relationship. At 6 months I was ready to hear it. If he had told me this story on our 3rd date it would have been a turn off as I am very family oriented. I did not have yet an appreciation of him strong enough to feel empathy toward him. Now some women are little Mother Therase at heart and want to save broken men. Not me.
spiderowl Posted September 23, 2016 Posted September 23, 2016 This is something guys always seem to assume, that if you treat a woman like a person and not a sexual object, be her friend and talk with her, that she will put you in the dreaded 'friends zone'. Well, it's wrong! All my lovers (not that many, honest!) started out as guys I could talk to, with whom I felt a real emotional and mental connection. If that connection is not there, it doesn't go any further. Yes, be playful - why not? - but refusing to engage in deep and meaningful discussions with a woman is likely to get you nowhere. There are guys who will advise you not to become her emotional confidant because you will be friendzoned. If you want to be classed as another shallow guy who is only interested in sex and can't have a meaningful conversation, then go ahead. For me, the emotional connection is a vital part of the attraction I feel for a guy. I'm not interested in guys who can't communicate at that level.
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