What you talk about

[mortensorchid]

Out of curiosity, when others are out on a date (internet or otherwise), what do you talk about at the first encounter?

 

There's factual information (what you do for a living, if you have brothers and sisters, friends, etc.), but when you do show YOURSELF to them? I admit, I do not show my interests at the first meeting unless it somehow comes up. My life story has been oriented around a lot of experiences with meeting freaky people, travel, my interests and hobbies (theater, art, karate, organizations I am active with, comic cons, etc.). I keep those things to myself at first, I think that intimidates others because they are a bit out there. I can fully admit I am eccentric, but it doesn't make me any better or worse than others.

 

And what's the dealbreaker if any for you? I want to know.

[basil67]

Your interests would make for excellent conversation. And I agree that if they don't like your eccentricities, they are not the one for you.

[Smoothman]

I don't try and think about that.

You and your date should be able to just talk naturally, not by following an agenda or list.

That is fundamentally what you are seeing each other for...to find that connection.

[smudge21]

I'd always want someone to feel at ease and be able to open up and be themselves. Would never want to be with someone who puts on an act or hides away.

[Gaeta]

First meet l aim at light and fun comversations. I am a talking machine l never run out of things to chat about.

[Toodaloo]

I tend to keep it quite random.

 

What to do in the event of a zombie apocalypse... (Smudge you are not talking me out of taking the toilet rolls and the toothpaste)

 

Who would win a battle with Catwoman - Antman or Iron man?

 

Where would you be right now if you could be anywhere?

 

You can have loads of fun and learn a lot about a person, their attitude, what things they consider important in life, having random conversations like that.

 

It is also more fun and energetic having a mass debate on those silly or theoretical things rather than My name is X, my family belief is Y, I have G siblings and I expect HJK to happen within 6 months of this date...

 

I try to do more listening than talking. I want to hear their views. I want to know if they are right for me.

[PogoStick]

Out of curiosity, when others are out on a date (internet or otherwise), what do you talk about at the first encounter?

 

There's factual information (what you do for a living, if you have brothers and sisters, friends, etc.), but when you do show YOURSELF to them? I admit, I do not show my interests at the first meeting unless it somehow comes up. My life story has been oriented around a lot of experiences with meeting freaky people, travel, my interests and hobbies (theater, art, karate, organizations I am active with, comic cons, etc.). I keep those things to myself at first, I think that intimidates others because they are a bit out there. I can fully admit I am eccentric, but it doesn't make me any better or worse than others.

 

And what's the dealbreaker if any for you? I want to know.

 

That sounds pretty cool. I'd enjoy hearing a few of your crazy stories. I think it only makes you more interesting, unless it involves drinking the blood of kittens.

 

Light stuff, about life dreams, travel, etc, are supposed to be the go to topics.

 

However, I often shrug that wisdom and drill straight to the center of your soul. I want to know who you are, and what events in your life made you that way. At my age, most people have already been married and I like to hear about past relationships. I'm not looking for your flaws, but I find life experience and the shared experience of failed relationships to be something people can bond over.

[Toodaloo]

I like to hear about past relationships. I'm not looking for your flaws, but I find life experience and the shared experience of failed relationships to be something people can bond over.

 

Talk about my exes? Are you trying to turn me on or off???

 

If I am out on a date the LAST thing I want to think about are my exes!!! What a way to make my vagina shrivel up and become dryer than the desserts of Niarobi...

 

Urgh!

[Gaeta]

At my age, most people have already been married and I like to hear about past relationships. I'm not looking for your flaws, but I find life experience and the shared experience of failed relationships to be something people can bond over.

 

Really, you would bond over my stories of hiding in battered women shelters? I doubt it.

 

I hate when men start talking about why their marriage didn't work over a first coffee.

[Toodaloo]

Really, you would bond over my stories of hiding in battered women shelters? I doubt it.

 

I hate when men start talking about why their marriage didn't work over a first coffee.

 

Makes me just want to run for the hills and also suggests that the baggage is still very much being packed and not yet stowed away in the appropriate luggage compartment...

[Toodaloo]

You could always try the 36 questions... They are supposed to create feelings of intimacy and love.

 

Set One

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

 

Set Two

1. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

2. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

3. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

4. What do you value most in a friendship?

5. What is your most treasured memory?

6. What is your most terrible memory?

7. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

8. What does friendship mean to you?

9. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

10. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

11. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

12. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

 

Set Three

1. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling …”

2. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share …”

3. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

4. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

5. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.

6. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

7. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.

8. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

9. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

10. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

11. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

12. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen

[ASG]

I don't follow any particular rules. I talk about anything and everything.

I only need a tiny bit of encouragement and you'll never shut me up, so if he is engaging, we'll be chatting for hours without a break. I'll admit to my quirks straight away and will only avoid exes and detailed sex preferences on a first date.

[preraph]

What you talk about with someone who is a strong contender for "right one" is different than what drivel you have to come up with for someone you have found no commonality with.

 

The ones that I ended up having something substantial with, and this is before OLD, so the first encounter or first getting to know them wasn't an actual date, but more a chance meeting, but I remember both times it was music on the first meeting. Music was the thing that had us both at the same place at the same time. Man A, it was mostly about music, but he opened up about his personal life as well, and work, as we were on parallel paths, both to do with music.

 

Man B, it was about music the first two or three run-ins, and then when he saw me the next time in a club, he slapped a pair of toy cuffs on me and I gave him a Rick Nielsen pick and it was on. By the end of the night at the club we were talking in fake Russian accents to each other and standing under the canopy watching the rain. I'd love to relive that night. But we didn't go home together, which would turn out to be a stick in the wheel of our relationship that only got worse. ]

 

I'm sorry, what was the question? I drifted off there.

 

Oh, yeah. Point being, if you have anything in common, you won't have to dig deep for conversation. So starting cold like with OLD, find out what their interests are, how they like their job, and see if you connect on anything.

Edited September 23, 2016 by preraph