Smoothman Posted September 23, 2016 Posted September 23, 2016 Met her online, she told me that she’s on holiday for a few weeks, but happy to chat. I’m OK with that of course, even though I know chatting and even calling is no predictor of the actual meeting experience (Had that exact occurrence amazing texts and phone calls, meet up, total fizzle.) So we start to chat, switching to What’s App for convenience. And boy, do we chat… And it’s incredible, every single message we exchange shows me more about aspects of her personality I like, or opinions I agree with. I shared some of my music with her, she loved them, quoting lyrics, telling me how they moved her. We talk about what we are looking for, the type of relationship, what we want in a partner. But mostly we just chat easily and frequently, she sends me pictures of where she is and selfies, asks what I’m doing, reaches out to me spontaneously…wishes me good night, good morning. I exported the text out of What’s App out of interest, we have exchanged 1800 lines of text in 6 days! She told me her full name so I could find her Facebook account…and there I saw that she had posted some of the songs I shared saying how powerful they were. I joked that we haven’t even met yet, and not to hold to much promise as we might not click, she said “You’re so mean!” but we laughed about it. We both haven’t experienced such a powerful, strong connection with someone we haven’t met in person…it’s wonderful and a little scary. Anyway, she’s back next week, so hopefully after she’s settled and caught up on things post-holiday, we’ll meet and see. I’ll keep you posted!
smudge21 Posted September 23, 2016 Posted September 23, 2016 Keep an open mind, but from what you've said, it all sounds good. People are different over text/phone call than in real life, but I don't see any issues here - just two people who are getting along really well and want to meet up. Hope it works out and we get some happy news on here for a change. 1
Toodaloo Posted September 23, 2016 Posted September 23, 2016 I have had this. Once we met and really didn't fancy each other (we were both able to laugh about it as it was so ironic) but remained friends. The other I dated for 6 months. No way to tell until you meet.
Author Smoothman Posted September 27, 2016 Author Posted September 27, 2016 UPDATE: A few things have occurred recently to cast doubt on the potential of this "relationship" She sent me a picture of her and her son watching footy (Aussie football) IN KOREA! Not a big deal, but I hate footy with a passion…by itself this isn’t a show stopper. But, I mentioned my cat… “Cat??” “I’m allergic to cats” Hmm, strike 2 She’s acting like a jealous girlfriend, told her I was going out, and she’s asking me if I’m on a hot date. Then I get a request to show me a picture when I’m out… And an eye emoticon, she’s “Watching” me… Umm, we haven’t even met…this is hardly an exclusive relationship. And there’s her son, who she is on holiday with…a very expensive holiday paid for entirely by the ex… I’ve had a relationship with a woman and a very close daughter, they slept together, cohabited 24/7, and it was a nightmare. So when she said that she and her son are “incredibly close” some alarms went off. So I asked about him… Seems if he’s upset he’ll sleep with her… “It’s not weird, we’ve always been like this” (preemptively defending herself) He has the big room in their house with the ensuite and balcony, which she asked for, but he said “No” Here’s the thing… He is 15! I asked her directly: “How will he react if you get a boyfriend” “Oh, I don’t want to think about that!” She continued to talk about a previous boyfriend who she didn’t allow to meet her son for four months…
Versacehottie Posted September 27, 2016 Posted September 27, 2016 oh, smoothman, you really couldn't see this one coming???? sorry but yours is such a classic mistake of online or anything-- talking/texting/sending messages and creating a fantasy about someone before you have even met. There is no substitution for real life meeting and letting things unfold naturally. Now I feel like a cynic but it's an absolute pattern that happens over and over. If it's a pattern of yours, then do it the reverse next time as an experiment and tell the next girl you want to save it for the in person date (better way to word it but you get the idea). Actually, don't get why you'd want to get that far "into things" with someone you haven't met yet because then you find yourself over promised and vice versa. It'd be the rare case of that that works out. I know it might sound romantic to some women but if a guy said that much to me that soon before we even had met, I wouldn't be into him. It's just unrealistic. Anyway. best of luck with the next one. 3
Author Smoothman Posted September 27, 2016 Author Posted September 27, 2016 (edited) oh, smoothman, you really couldn't see this one coming???? sorry but yours is such a classic mistake of online or anything-- talking/texting/sending messages and creating a fantasy about someone before you have even met. There is no substitution for real life meeting and letting things unfold naturally. Now I feel like a cynic but it's an absolute pattern that happens over and over. If it's a pattern of yours, then do it the reverse next time as an experiment and tell the next girl you want to save it for the in person date (better way to word it but you get the idea). Actually, don't get why you'd want to get that far "into things" with someone you haven't met yet because then you find yourself over promised and vice versa. It'd be the rare case of that that works out. I know it might sound romantic to some women but if a guy said that much to me that soon before we even had met, I wouldn't be into him. It's just unrealistic. Anyway. best of luck with the next one. Hardly a pattern, as the title of this thread is "Never had this happen before" Also, I was just responding to HER messages and updates, I agree that it's WAY better to meet in person, I even have this comment in my OLD profile! But as she was OS for a couple of weeks, it was easy to just communicate, and we simply exchanged a LOT of information in that time. I have NO feelings or anticipation regarding this woman...other than the initial surprise at how many boxes we ticked... Now I've got a few boxes on the "Nay" side of the page. But far more importantly, the woman who IS in my city, that I AM having a relationship with, is more compelling to me right now. This lady has literally just landed... In two minds as to whether I should still see her, I guess i have to? Edited September 27, 2016 by Smoothman
Versacehottie Posted September 27, 2016 Posted September 27, 2016 Hardly a pattern, as the title of this thread is "Never had this happen before" Also, I was just responding to HER messages and updates, I agree that it's WAY better to meet in person, I even have this comment in my OLD profile! But as she was OS for a couple of weeks, it was easy to just communicate, and we simply exchanged a LOT of information in that time. I have NO feelings or anticipation regarding this woman...other than the initial surprise at how many boxes we ticked... Now I've got a few boxes on the "Nay" side of the page. But far more importantly, the woman who IS in my city, that I AM having a relationship with, is more compelling to me right now. This lady has literally just landed... In two minds as to whether I should still see her, I guess i have to? I meant that it is a pattern in online dating in general. People over-invest when they don't really know the person. I said for you "IF" it's a pattern for you"....Even if that was the situation that she was overseas, to make it the best chance, you should have put the brakes on from her trying to make it go so fast and so deep over messaging. Then what? Idk, in your OP, it seemed like you were partaking, first time or not....and that you did have significant feelings. Guess it was first time and is in neutral now. Hope you learned the lesson Bolded, see this is the lesson. Now you feel obligated to a date that you are of two minds about. Good luck. 1
Author Smoothman Posted September 27, 2016 Author Posted September 27, 2016 I meant that it is a pattern in online dating in general. People over-invest when they don't really know the person. I said for you "IF" it's a pattern for you"....Even if that was the situation that she was overseas, to make it the best chance, you should have put the brakes on from her trying to make it go so fast and so deep over messaging. Then what? Idk, in your OP, it seemed like you were partaking, first time or not....and that you did have significant feelings. Guess it was first time and is in neutral now. Hope you learned the lesson Bolded, see this is the lesson. Now you feel obligated to a date that you are of two minds about. Good luck. I never "had feelings" if I gave that impression I'm sorry...
Versacehottie Posted September 27, 2016 Posted September 27, 2016 I never "had feelings" if I gave that impression I'm sorry... you don't have to be sorry--definitely not to me; you're just explaining things. I just hate to see people put themselves on this roller coaster and be dejected when it could have been something promising and even better if dealt with differently. I realize in your case the circumstances were that she was away and it just seems like she was pursuing and things got carried away. I'm just wondering if you had been on a great a couple of messages (that's all), followed by an awesome first date, you'd be so blown away by the real person she is that your fantasy idealized image list would just fade away, like maybe the cat thing would be something you'd compromise on, for example. Things like that. Anyway, it all doesn't matter if you have this other person you are excited about and she's part of your in person dating life. Idk, what to tell you about taking the subject of this original post out. I'm 50/50 like you. I usually think it's best to experience things because you never know. On the other hand with this one, I think she's already disappointed you by failing to live up to what you think you want--and it may be more awkward to go on one and when you pretty much know you will want to escape the "relationship" after that. Hmmmm, tough one. Good luck. I'm sure you will make the choice that's the best one for you.
bolase Posted September 27, 2016 Posted September 27, 2016 OP, Versacehottie is giving you sound advice imho and you're being a little defensive. I too got the impression you were developing feelings for her and anticipating this a lot (easy to do! Been there!) and so raising the stakes on your meeting. Hopefully she and you can work it out.
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