Helium78 Posted September 22, 2016 Posted September 22, 2016 My ex-husband and I separated almost two years ago now, after I found out he'd had an affair (with my friend - classy). He was in a relationship 6 weeks after we split, for almost a year and has just entered into another relationship with someone else. However, he will not leave me alone! Constantly asking me where I'm going, what I'm doing, who I'm going with. He feels the need to tell me everything he's doing, telling me where he's going and slipping in that he's going to be with the new girlfriend. I've asked him to stop asking me, he tells me he won't, then he starts again. I've asked him to stop giving me pre-warnings when he's going somewhere with his girlfriend, like I'm going to have a problem, because I don't have a problem! But he keeps doing it. We live in a small town, have the same friends, we have a teenage daughter together so see each other regularly. But it's making me crazy! I've stopped going out very much because when I do go out, he quizzes me and then if he finds out I've been somewhere that he wasn't invited to involving our friends, he has a go at me. What can I do??? Help!!!
basil67 Posted September 22, 2016 Posted September 22, 2016 I'd start by suggesting that you stop answering his questions. Repeat "I am not having this discussion with you" each time he asks a question. If he has a go at you, hang up or walk away. If he starts telling you about his own life, stop him with "I do not want to know". If he continues, hang up or walk away. You basically need to shut him down each time he tries it. 2
Bialy Posted September 22, 2016 Posted September 22, 2016 If he's sending these questions and annoying things via text, just ignore them. Unless they're related to your daughter, you are not obligated to text about anything else. 2
basil67 Posted September 22, 2016 Posted September 22, 2016 If he's sending these questions and annoying things via text, just ignore them. Unless they're related to your daughter, you are not obligated to text about anything else. Good point. I was assuming that these discussions were on the phone or face to face. (Showing my age) If they are via text, just ignore. 1
Author Helium78 Posted September 22, 2016 Author Posted September 22, 2016 They're on text, face to face, in all forms. I think if I could understand why he does it, I could cope with giving a strong and consistent message of "it's none of your business".
Captivating Posted September 23, 2016 Posted September 23, 2016 (edited) You asked : What can I do ? Maybe you could send this text to him: "I would like to clarify something to you for the last time : You made a choice to cheat on me with a friend of mine. I broke up with you, we are done. I am over you. My life is not a concern of yours anymore, mind your own business. YOU ARE NOT IN THE POSITION TO ASK ANYTHING FROM ME. I am only willing to talk regarding our daughter, that's it. We will keep that very short" Other than that Helium, you should live your life like he would not exist. You should do whatever your heart desires. Start dating, have fun, enjoy life and DO NOT WORRY about him. Hang up on him on the phone if he keeps bothering you. He will get it. If not, you might need to report him to the police, keep all the messages as evidence. Why does he do this?? He is a narcissist.....feeds off of other's emotions, feedback, constant reassurance..... DO NOT WORRY ABOUT HIM ! Live your life. He doesn't deserve any of your attention, right ? That's what he wants. Edited September 23, 2016 by Captivating 1
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