soulseek Posted September 22, 2016 Posted September 22, 2016 I've been with my boyfriend for about a year, and there are a variety of issues that keep surfacing... He lives about 30 mins away, and lives in a small apartment with a random who is extremely socially awkward and doesn't take social cues to excuse him self when we make/eat dinner etc. When his GF is over they use the main areas which pushes us into a small bedroom, then the room mate and his GF will have sex all night slamming their bed against the wall -- or shower together. Needless to say, i often feel uncomfortable considering my bf and the room mate barely speak. To make the 30 minutes drive (i know i shouldn't complain about distance) for only two hours of hang out during the work week to experience this discomfort or potentially not, is hardly worth the risk. I just began my career (haven't even got my first pay cheque), and still live at home. I am not ready to move out until i get my finances in line. For my BF, being around my family in the main living areas, makes him feel awkward and uncomfortable -- so we often hang out in my room... I drive over for sure EVERY weekend, and typically stay over A Friday or Saturday night, and the better part of the next day at his place. He never stays over here. Last week, I worked within 15 minutes of his place, and drove over for a few hours Thursday night, Friday night, then Saturday night to go out to the bar for a birthday, then stayed until dinner time on Sunday. This week he came over on Tuesday, and we hung out in my room. He asked to hang out tonight -- to go for wings and play games at his house as his friends ditched him. I told him I wasn't really in the mood to drive/ go over to his place, but if he wanted to hang we could play games at my house, otherwise i would be content doing my own thing. He refused because he simply didn't want to come over here "to just hang out" --- although i did offer to play games with him here. He said he didn't want to play games and be around my family --- Now isn't playing games at his place with his room mate potentially around the same thing? It seems that he wants more privacy, but his place truly isn't much more private than mine. Now this is just an example, but I've experienced times before when I've felt sick, and didn't want to come over to laze around in his bed -- I invite hime over, and he doesn't want to come over to my house either. Sometimes it feels like it is a "my way -- or no way" situation. There have been times in the relationship where numbers have been brought up, for example him saying "I've driven over X amount of times this week" etc... so clearly this is becoming a bigger issue as time passes.. I am not saying I am innocent in this situation, as my refusal at times seems to make him refuse as well. How can we get past this? What is happening here? and why?
RecentChange Posted September 22, 2016 Posted September 22, 2016 Personally I would rather be around an awkward roommate than family members, especially if sex is on the menu. A roommate? Who cares what their opinions are etc etc - but family? I am going to feel like I have to be on my best behavior - as they are people to impress, rather than a peer like the roomie
preraph Posted September 22, 2016 Posted September 22, 2016 To me it just sounds like he's just focused on having sex, not just hanging out with YOU. Truly, if it's not worth a 30 minute drive for either of you, cut bait and move on. 30 minutes is nothing. In big cities, you drive longer than that to get home from work.
Author soulseek Posted September 22, 2016 Author Posted September 22, 2016 Personally I would rather be around an awkward roommate than family members, especially if sex is on the menu. A roommate? Who cares what their opinions are etc etc - but family? I am going to feel like I have to be on my best behavior - as they are people to impress, rather than a peer like the roomie I can understand this. But generally he comes to the door, doesn't even say hi to family members, we go straight up stairs. So the time spent engaging with an awkward roommate VS family members is significantly less.
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