Why is he doing this to me??

[loney_girl]

After feeling very rocky in my relationship, I decided to end this with the man I am in love with even though it made me feel devastated. I didn't feel like he wanted to be with me anymore and that it wasn't going anywhere. He got upset and asked if instead we could just take a break. I agreed but hated it. I texted him last night saying I did not want a break. I already knew I loved him and wanted to be with him but didn't feel the same from him.

We spoke this morning on the phone for an hour and he told me he doesn't have his **** together life wise and felt like he wasn't giving me all he could so we shouldn't be together. I feel like this is just an excuse to make me feel better. We agreed to completely break up and before we hung up he was saying things like I don't want this to be the end and I'll be coming for you in the future. This made me mad I told him not to say things like that because he didn't mean them. After we hung up he kept texting me how much he loves me and wants us to be together at some undetermined time in the future but he can't right now. I basically told him to stop playing with my feelings and stop saying things like that to me as we had just broken up. Then I said Goodbye and he said No, cya later

 

why is he screwing with my head?? He doesn't want to be together. Why bother saying those things at all?? How am I supposed to move on

 

I just feel so empty

[smudge21]

Whatever his reasons for his actions, you need to focus on just one person - you. That's all you have control over in this and throughout your entire life. You know this is a bad toxic relationship and it's not going to get any better should you get back with him. I know it's tough to let go of something, even when it's clear you should. Stop trying to work out what he is thinking and instead just start to look toward healing and moving on. I always say that if someone wants to be with another, they make it clear. Anything else is just game playing and treating someone like an option. Never be anyones option. You're better than that.

[ExpatInItaly]

He's saying those things because he wants to keep you as Plan B in case Plan A doesn't work out.

 

I read your previous thread. You did the right thing here, OP. He wasn't into it anymore.

[aloneinaz]

why is he screwing with my head?? He doesn't want to be together. Why bother saying those things at all?? How am I supposed to move on

 

I just feel so empty

 

Another poster mentioned it already. You need to focus on your sweetie. Understand, you're ALLOWING him to screw w/your head. If you're done with him for good, BLOCK him on your phone (or change your phone number) and block him, his buddies, etc, from your social media.

 

You need to cut him from your life. Don't keep having this limited contact where it's all this teenage drama and BS.. Life's too short for that crap. You're going to have to be tough and recognize that you two didn't work. You'll get over it and move on to someone more compatible.

[preraph]

Sounds like he doesn't have his crap together in life and so now here you are cutting anchor and going away and he's just a little panicked. But apparently not enough to get his crap together and be a man you'd want to stay with.

[staggerlee71]

I agree with Preraph. He doesn't have his ****e together. Against what most will say here, I don't think he is trying to plan B you, or backburner you while he looks for someone else. Ofcourse there is always that chance. But I would take it at face value on this one. In his mind, he is focusing his energy elsewhere.

I say this because there was a time in my life when infact I had a great Gal but I had so many issues to deal with, I could not keep up with the relationship. Had nothing to do with loving her. My future was cloudy, then so was ours and it effected our relationship. I am one of those guys who does not believe love conquers all. If my mind body and soul are in balance, so will my relationships, all of them, friends, family, love. His are not in balance and he is struggling.

He wants a break because he doesn't want to completely lose you. He just doesn't know how to get his ****e together and be with you too.

I do believe you should focus on you, take a period of no contact to sort out the insane emotion you are feeling, and get on solid ground so if/when YOU choose to talk with him, you will be clear. Remember, He wont just fall of the earth if you take no contact for yourself. In fact, it ill help both you.

Not every dumper is looking to get over on you or mess with you. He is seriously confused and hurt as well. That is why he says the things he says. Right now its high emotion, low communication clarity.

[spiderowl]

The way he's behaving is not nice because he is trying to hang on to you as an option for the future. Given that you've had to give up on him because he is not giving you the relationship you need, this is unfair of him. It's like he's saying, I don't want what you want now but I don't want you to run off and find someone else either, so I'll try and keep you waiting around.

 

You have done well to free yourself from this character. Don't let him mess with your head; see him for the shallow guy he is.

 

I really would recommend no contact for this situation because of the way he has reacted. I suspect he is likely to keep coming back in some form, trying to make sure you are still there for him. I think for some guys it's the mummy syndrome - they are like little kids who want to go out to play but want to know that mum is there in the kitchen waiting for them with their tea when they get back. Really, I think you would be happier with a grown-up!

[loney_girl]

Thank you everyone. You've all helped me gain some clarity.