Trying to move forward but it's extremely hard...

[JustAGreatMan]

I was in a off and on relationship 3 times and I broke it off again because we got into a real nasty argument where her insecurities went overboard. She got jealous about a co-worker who left across the country to pursue a different career and I had no interest in this other woman at all. However, she saw that I was interacting with her through twitter 2 weeks later, not even close to be flirting and she flipped out on me. She talked to me as if I had cheated on her and then later tried to tell me she was just telling me her feelings, but it didn’t go that way. I broke it off the next day because I felt we needed time apart to grow. I tried getting in touch with her 2 weeks after the break up by showing up unannounced (bad move) giving her a series letter and gym pants. But her roommates were nasty and she also dismissed me in such a harsh way (being prideful in front of roommates) where she told me she was seeing someone else. Later on that night at 4am, she apologized and didn’t like me showing up unannounced and that she lied….she isn’t seeing anyone. Then 3 days later I had an epiphany and told her, then I was threatened by her mom for a restraining order. She also blocked me from every avenue.

 

A week later she contacted me trying to keep me around as a friend. I thought that would be ok because I could try to work things out, however she kept rejecting me. I was feeling like she needed to reject me to justify her feelings. So I sent her a heartfelt message telling her I'm a let go and let go. If you do change your mind and you do see through us, you know where to find me. She is very insecure for sure and when I cut her off I ignored her calls and she called 20 times and left 5 voicemails telling me to please pick up but I knew it wasn't the talk of getting back together. She then unblocked me last week and friend requested me, I also ignored it and she canceled the request 2 hours later. I have been distracting myself every day by going out and so far it's been good but I'm still hurting and I did everything in my power to make the relationship work. Our 3 year is approaching next week too and yeah it's been a hard 2 weeks since I cut her off. What's your opinion on this?

 

I feel like she is going to try and come back to me somehow. I just have that feeling. Part of me wants that and another part of me is like I don't know. I was also hoping that she would miss me since I cut her off because to be honest she really has no friends and she pushed them away as well.

Edited September 22, 2016 by JustAGreatMan

[smudge21]

Be honest, you don't want her - the person she is now. You're hoping that the person you first met will come back. Sorry but I don't see that happening. This is who she is and there's definite trust and insecurity issues going on there. It's not your job to save her though - she has to do that herself. You need to start putting YOU first and thinking what you want and how you feel. The whole allowing you to be her friend.. come on, seriously! You're living in hope if you think she's magically going to change, and believe me I know that kind of hope. Sadly I think you know that this is over and you have to move on. You should be happy in a relationship, not getting the abuse you're getting. There's better out there, but you won't meet them until you choose to.

[aloneinaz]

I was in a off and on relationship 3 times and I broke it off again because we got into a real nasty argument where her insecurities went overboard.

 

Sadly, this tells us all we need to know. It was a dysfunctional, unhealthy relationship that should end for good.

 

I tried getting in touch with her 2 weeks after the break up by showing up unannounced (bad move) giving her a series letter and gym pants.

 

Why were you trying to get in contact with a woman who you just broke up with and have a history of break ups with? What was the value? Why not leave her alone so she can heal and move on?

 

She is very insecure for sure

 

My friend, you are coming of very insecure as well. Again, why bother her after you ended it? Are YOU afraid she's simply going to move on and you won't find anyone new?

 

I promise, I'm not trying to be harsh. You just need to reread what you wrote. You stated it was an off/on relationship. You ended it again. You then reengaged w/her and look at all the BS and drama as a result? Unless you like this drama, why not simply stick to your decision to end it, cut all contact, heal and find a healthy relationship that is nourishing, loving and drama free?

 

You need to be comfortable in your own skin to accomplish this. Understand you will be lonely at times. You will miss your most recent ex. It's uncomfortable. But, it's what you have to navigate through to get past a failed R/S that will never work out.

[JustAGreatMan]

Sadly, this tells us all we need to know. It was a dysfunctional, unhealthy relationship that should end for good.

 

 

 

Why were you trying to get in contact with a woman who you just broke up with and have a history of break ups with? What was the value? Why not leave her alone so she can heal and move on?

 

 

 

My friend, you are coming of very insecure as well. Again, why bother her after you ended it? Are YOU afraid she's simply going to move on and you won't find anyone new?

 

I promise, I'm not trying to be harsh. You just need to reread what you wrote. You stated it was an off/on relationship. You ended it again. You then reengaged w/her and look at all the BS and drama as a result? Unless you like this drama, why not simply stick to your decision to end it, cut all contact, heal and find a healthy relationship that is nourishing, loving and drama free?

 

You need to be comfortable in your own skin to accomplish this. Understand you will be lonely at times. You will miss your most recent ex. It's uncomfortable. But, it's what you have to navigate through to get past a failed R/S that will never work out.

 

I understand my actions the previous month by going back to her AFTER breaking up and I think I was use to the cycle to where I wasn't myself. I know it's not my job to change her and she needs to do that for herself. I am in the stage where I am accepting the conditions and I am moving forward. It's a day by day thing because we had a lot of history. And I do remember why I ended it and the minute she wanted to be friends, I couldn't do it. Thank you for enlightening me though. I do deserve someone better. I'm not in any rush, I'm just going to stick with my routine and just have fun with life everyday.

[JustAGreatMan]

Be honest, you don't want her - the person she is now. You're hoping that the person you first met will come back. Sorry but I don't see that happening. This is who she is and there's definite trust and insecurity issues going on there. It's not your job to save her though - she has to do that herself. You need to start putting YOU first and thinking what you want and how you feel. The whole allowing you to be her friend.. come on, seriously! You're living in hope if you think she's magically going to change, and believe me I know that kind of hope. Sadly I think you know that this is over and you have to move on. You should be happy in a relationship, not getting the abuse you're getting. There's better out there, but you won't meet them until you choose to.

 

I'm trying my best to be honest, but I think you're right about not wanting her because it wouldn't be healthy for either of us. I may have insecurities of being alone and all but I understand I am putting ME first because how else can I be a better man. It's been 2 weeks since I cut her off so I'm cruising slowly.

[aloneinaz]

I may have insecurities of being alone and all but I understand I am putting ME first because how else can I be a better man. It's been 2 weeks since I cut her off so I'm cruising slowly.

 

Everyone feels like that whether they were the dumper or dumpee. It's a tough transition from having that significant other each day to suddenly being alone. I don't know of anyone who hasn't struggled with it.

 

However, the smart ones NEVER try to recycle a failed R/S after a week, month, months because they are lonely or are not having luck in the dating scene. It simply doesn't work the vast majority of the time.

 

Work on yourself my friend. ENJOY your alone time and ability to do whatever w/out answering to others. Stay NC and that along with out of sight, out of mind will having you feeling better and better as the days pass. When you're ready, get back on the dating horse. You met her and you'll meet her replacement too!

[JustAGreatMan]

Everyone feels like that whether they were the dumper or dumpee. It's a tough transition from having that significant other each day to suddenly being alone. I don't know of anyone who hasn't struggled with it.

 

However, the smart ones NEVER try to recycle a failed R/S after a week, month, months because they are lonely or are not having luck in the dating scene. It simply doesn't work the vast majority of the time.

 

Work on yourself my friend. ENJOY your alone time and ability to do whatever w/out answering to others. Stay NC and that along with out of sight, out of mind will having you feeling better and better as the days pass. When you're ready, get back on the dating horse. You met her and you'll meet her replacement too!

 

Thank you for your words of encouragement and I'm already ahead of what you said.