aloneinaz Posted September 23, 2016 Posted September 23, 2016 I think "best-case" scenario here is you convince her to give the relationship another shot and then in a few weeks/months/years when things get tough again, she'll detach and end it. When life is happening, be it the loss of a job or the illness of a loved one, those are the times when we should be there for our partner or want to be with them. Even if they're frazzled emotionally, they should want to seek some stability and comfort with the person they're choosing to share their life with. I think it's telling that she is not doing that. Rather than leaning on you for support, she is pulling away. I just think that at your age, breaks and breakups shouldn't be put out there lightly. They aren't bargaining tools or a call to arms for the other person to step up and prove their love for their partner. In other words, suggesting a break or a breakup shouldn't be done unless that person is ready to let go of that person and never be with them again. You shouldn't have to sell yourself to her, especially when she already knows you would marry her. To me, that says you've put your cards on the table and she's still willing to to walk away. Maybe you can sell her, but it will be a temporary thing. It's like walking into a clothing store and having the sales associate sell you on a sweater you're iffy on. Sure, they may pitch it well and you walk out of the store with it. But within a couple days or weeks, you realize you really just don't like it after all and the only reason you really got it was because you went for the sales pitch. What a great post.. I agree with everything here. I like the sweater story analogy as well. I just want to comment on one thing in this post. I agree with the thoughts of leaning on your love when life gets rough. It's certainly my MO and many others as well. If you want to run from your significant other when life gets hard, that's a screaming red flag warning. I was dating someone for 8 months I wasn't over the moon thrilled with. I hit some work stress and health issues. I wanted to spend LESS time with her as a result. That told me it was time to free her up to find someone else, which I did.
Author Blastoplast Posted September 24, 2016 Author Posted September 24, 2016 So I laid out everything on my mind to her. We had a nice lunch then went for a walk afterwards where I told her how much she means to me and how I really feel, and she told me how much she loves me as well, but she has some reservations about certain aspects of our compatibility and that's why she made this decision. I don't feel the same way, but it is what it is. I'm lucky to have had her, shes literally the best thing that's happened in my life in a long time and I'll always appreciate the fantastic times and adventures we had together. I feel much better after this, no regrets
BC1980 Posted September 24, 2016 Posted September 24, 2016 So I laid out everything on my mind to her. We had a nice lunch then went for a walk afterwards where I told her how much she means to me and how I really feel, and she told me how much she loves me as well, but she has some reservations about certain aspects of our compatibility and that's why she made this decision. I don't feel the same way, but it is what it is. I'm lucky to have had her, shes literally the best thing that's happened in my life in a long time and I'll always appreciate the fantastic times and adventures we had together. I feel much better after this, no regrets I'm glad that you feel better now, but be warned that the really hard part is coming. The difficult part comes after the shock of it when you have to get up everyday and make a life without her. I hope you are going NC now.
fromheart Posted September 24, 2016 Posted September 24, 2016 (edited) She's just not in a good frame of mind for a relationship. Its better that you part now before she starts inflicting her depression on you, which is what the most well meaning depressed people end up doing eventually. Understand this and you'll realize that this is for the best. Your subsequent communication will only push her further away. Thats why shes going cold, she's seeing you as weak. The other harsh reality is that she's most probably going to be hooking up with other men. I'm sorry to say. But thats another good reason why you must get out of the place you are in with her. A woman doesn't reciprocate, you tell her that your only interested in her romantically and you take off. Complete NC FOREVER. That's called looking after yourself, not settling for less than what you are worth, and leaving behind those who quite simple don't care about you like they used to. That applies to 'taking a break.' If you agree to that break and then go back when they decide you can come back, the power dynamic is completely unhinged. The power is with a person who is already unstable about themselves. The relationship is then doomed, its only a matter of time. So take NC. Its a bitter pill but it gets you better quicker Edited September 24, 2016 by fromheart 1
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