JackM1 Posted September 22, 2016 Posted September 22, 2016 Hi there ! I can't understand my now ex-gf and I'm going crazy over the fact that I can't figure out what's going on within her head. I also don't have her texts / mails / whatsapp msgs anymore so it's been difficult for me these last days. I don't think I can keep it simple and still explain all of it so I'll kinda give all the details I feel are necessary for you to give me advices / explications. So ... I've been knowing this girl online for more than 2/3 years, we've been flirting a little from time to time but no more. Then one day we decided we should met (finally), we did and it was FANTASTIC ! The same day we met, we decided we should start going out together (around may '15). We enjoyed a beautiful couple of months. Then we had to get back to our schools (btw we're both 20-21). It was a very important academic year for both of us, ESPECIALLY for her, so we were under constant stress + it was a long distance relationship. This resulted into many meaningless fights but It didn't stop us from having lovely week ends here and there when we met, and beautiful moments overall. This summer, during a long period when it wasn't looking like it was good between us, I 'kinda' broke up with her because we couldn't get our **** together. She didn't think we were reaaally breaking up (that's why I said 'kinda') and neither did I, because we were the kind of couples that say the "we're over" sometimes without meaning it, fixing things sooner rather than later. Only this time I didn't say that we should be back together as soon as before (like I didn't say it the same day). So when I told her we should get back together (let's say around 15 august), knowing that we kept talking every single day, she actually said no. Here it really starts and gets interesting: When she said no, I was shocked, she seemed determined. I sent her a goodbye e-mail and removed her from social media stuff. She had a simple answer like goodbye and all that stuff, and that's it. 2 days after that, she came back with an e-mail, saying she can't do that, she misses me like hell and she loves me. FIRST BIG MISTAKE: I'm like okey, she's back to normal, we'll be back together in less than 5 minutes. So I don't ignore her, talk back to her, but we don't get back. We keep talking every day about our problems and I keep making it clear that I want to be back with her, then one night (let's say around 24 august), she tells me that she would accept to get back with me if I promise that I would be the person she knew before, if I could be as gentle as before, I said you know what : okay I'll do my best ! I'll work on myself. And she instantly says, you know what, I really love you but it won't work ... It was surreal. I blocked her. I was out of my mind with rage. Then came the SECOND BIG MISTAKE : she comes back the next days begging for forgiveness, repeating that I'm the one she loves and that she'll return one day when she's ready. I'm like "dude, she clearly loves you and wants to be with you, you juste have to figure out the right words to say, you can work this out !!" So I answered, we kept talking, she kept texting first, every day. In fact, we agreed to meet and then, the night before the actual meeting, she asked me a question about a "female" friend she was jealous of and that didn't even mattered to me while we were talking about our problems. It angered me and I said (THIRD AND ALSO BIGGEST MISTAKE) "you know what, we shouldn't even meet, it's too much." Even though, we spoke again, she was always the first to reach out and contact first, until september 5th. Then the situation COMPLETELY changed. Both of us had to get back to France (where we study). I am in my second year of college, but for her it was (is) her first college year after one hard working year. She talked less. Way less. I called her on september 7 and said "look, let's stop texting, I'm calling you tou talk seriously about all of what's going on. Think again, think about what we had, what we could have knowing that this year is way easier than last year ...." I was thinking about going to the city she lives in to meet her but what she said on the phone, that she wasn't ready to be involved with me and that stuff, and the tone she used destroyed me, so I said okey and hung up and canceled the plan. Since that phone call, we didn't speak for 5 days, it was the longest streak of no contact since the day we met !!! (FOURTH BIG MISTAKE) So I texted her on september 12, very simple text. She answered almost immediately with a simple text too. Then later that day she spoke + called, couldn't answer the call so I texted her and we exchanged texts for 2 days. Then absolutely nothing, she didn't call / didn't text for 6 days. I broke again (FIFTH BIG MISTAKE) and sent a very casual text (september 20) She answered instantly. After some SMS (she took less than a minute to answer to texts) she said "hey, do you wanna come to the gala my school will organize ?" (knowing that last year, we went together to the gala my school organized). I was overwhelmed with happiness. I was like that's it. She misses me. She wants me to go with her. So my response was : "I would like to go with you". She didn't say a word for 15 minutes and said "but you should talk your friends into coming too haha". I said "why is that ?" she answered "it will be dope and we have to sell max tickets". There again I was left astonished. Later that night I called her, talked 3 minutes and then I said "one question, did you ask me about the gala just because you wanna sell bunch of tickets and make profit ?" she said "No, no, I don't know, it's just that I was talking about it with everyone and all of my friends so I asked you too". Then yesterday (6th AND MAYBE LAST BIG MISTAKE) : I didn't know what went through my mind but I added her on snapchat at midnight. She accepted me INSTANTLY. I said "didn't sleep yet ?" she read the message and called me directly after that. We talked for 45 minutes. In the beginning, I was extremely happy, I was enjoying it, it was like old days, it was good. We werent making efforts, we weren't struggling, it wasn't awkward, I even found myself smiling during the conversation for no reason ... Then, she began to talk about her projects at school, all the stuff she's getting involved with / she plans to be involved with and she didn't stop like at all. She was talking about stuff that would happen in 2 or 3 months like traveling to Amsterdam and stuff. Then at one point I said laughing "okay okay that's enough", she laughed and said "okay I'm gonna let you go I guess I'm kinda bothering you right now", and to that I answered "No you're not, It's just that you're talking about all the things you're planning and I'm absolutely nowhere there", so she replies "I thought last time you said you're over that TOO .... Look I really enjoy talking to you, I enjoy that extremely like we're doing now. I wanna keep in touch with you, I wanna talk to you, ask about your news, share stuff with you. But for you it's either we're together or nothing ... If you don't want us to talk I'd understand that and respect it and I would never bother you again but I would really like us to keep in touch ..." It was devastating for me to hear those words, this "let's stay friends thing" so I just said good night and hung up without hearing what she was saying after that. 1 min later, I heard my phone ringing for 2 seconds but she hung up. Tried to called her / text her 5 minutes later, no answers. I sent her a (very) long mail, talking about the fact that I find it too bad to end it like this, that I really saw us having a bright futur as a couple her and telling her that her friendship idea was bad and destructive for me and wished her all good. At this point, she still didn't answer. I doubt that she will to be honest, but we'll see. But here is the problem : I don't know how to deal with her mixed signals. I want your point of view. How could you explain that ? How do you think does she feel about me ? Sometimes I'm like, "yup, 100% she still has feelings for me, look at how she warmly responds to the texts when you text her and the fact that she answers almost immediately" but then I'm like "she didn't initiate conversation for 15 days, knowing that she's the one that said nop we won't be back together - she says she really enjoys talking to you but why the hell didn't she do that before YOU talked - why asking me about the gala if she's going with her new college friends". I struggle, I really am struggling. I get that since it's a new cycle in her life, it makes it waaaaay easier for her : she has new friends that are, according to what she said, very cool. There are bunch of stuff she can do to get busy so I get it. But is that enough to be completely over me knowing that she was OVER-attached to me last year (and I kinda didn't like that) ? Did I help her with the process of getting over me by stopping the no contact twice and making it clear that I still want her? I dind't beg or bought stuff or something like that but I tried to convince her that we have a shot. Maybe some of you will be like, wow you put so much efforts in all of this (this message included), just drop it, you're young, drop all of that and live your life but here's the final thing : I really, absolutely, want AT LEAST a second **** with this woman, for three reasons : 1/ Both of us aren't under pressure anymore with our studies. 2/ During the time we didn't talk at all, or merely did, it gave me time to think, I played more sports and engaged in more stuff. It also made me think about some things I wasn't paying attention to and that I get finally now. 3/ I candidly love that human being : I love her the most sincere way possible. I got to know her sister, her mother. It was really special about that. What do you think about that ? Do you think I still stand a chance with the no-contact I initiated yesterday with the e-mail even though all the stuff that happened and that I said up here ? How should I act from now on ? P.S : I didn't say in my mail that the break up was maybe a good idea actually or anything like that, it was just an email to cut the rope. I'm sorry for the lenght of my message but I'll be very grateful to anyone that reads all of it and gives me her point of view. Especially girls over here that may have a better understanding of how my ex gf thinks. Thanks !
Author JackM1 Posted September 23, 2016 Author Posted September 23, 2016 Little update : I still got no reply from her for my email so I guess I won't get any. That's angering me given the fact that I put effort in that message and it meant something to me since it's maybe the last time I sent her anything. And still got no replies from you guys so I hope that I would get some soon enough ^^.
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