Nightwriter Posted September 23, 2016 Posted September 23, 2016 Another possibility.....several months ago, he decided he wanted to go on a holiday to Turkey and wanted a GF to go with. He made that happen on a compressed timetable. The holiday happened and it was enjoyable. Both parties reveled in the trip and the new partner hormones. Now he's back in his workaday life and doesn't "need" a companion like he did in Turkey. Sure, a companion is fine at times, but not something he's going to go out of his way for. Based on this theory, it's not so much your specific behavior that has altered his, it's that this was the intended trajectory (at some level) all along. The only way you could have prevented the downward arc is not to have allowed the first, highspeed upward arc. Just a possibility. Yeah, sometimes when you start at the top of the mountain, you don't appreciate the climb to get there. And when you get down from the top, you get the depression (not clinical) of real life. It's like in those Bachelor shows, they start their relationship at some exotic place, no work, no bills, no stress, and fall in love. Then they go back to their real lives and see it isn't all roses and candles and sunsets.
Nicole10 Posted September 24, 2016 Posted September 24, 2016 I split up with my ex in May (4 year relationship that had ended long before he left my house) and started seeing a guy in July. I’m 34, as is he, and this is the first time I have ‘dated’ properly in 10 years. We had been dating 3 weeks before he booked for us to go on holiday to Turkey, which was brilliant. We had such a great time, and we have been totally at ease with each other and comfortable. We have told each other that we like each other, a lot, and he even said before we went on holiday that this could be something special. However, I think I have made myself paranoid and I’m looking for someone to give me a slap to knock myself out of how I am currently feeling! Since we got back from holiday, I have only seen him once (we got back on 13 September). He works shifts (6 days on 4 days off) so that isn’t so much the big deal. The ‘big deal’ is the dreaded over-reading into text messages. Before we went away he was texting me that he missed me, how amazing he thought I was, how much he liked me etc etc. Since we have got back, it has been me sending those kinds of texts. He has told me that I am sexy via text, but something seems to have changed. He seems to have stopped with the romantic/fuzzy feeling texts. He spent the night two nights ago, and everything was fine, we had fun, watched a film and fell asleep together. I don’t think I will see him now for a week with his work pattern. He has also got a lot on at the moment – he isn’t sleeping well as he is worried about different work things, and I am wondering if he is just distracted or disconnected. I hope I haven’t done anything to make him think differently. He did tell me whilst on holiday that his last GF really wounded him and that he is more on guard now. It feels that since he told me that, he has become more on guard of how he is with me (emotionally). He is still texting me loads every day, checking in with me, chatting, phone calls (not every day) and saying goodnight. But I can’t shake this feeling that he feels differently. I know I shouldn’t but I am linking back to what happened with my ex and how he ended up treating me. Can someone please give me some advice or a big slap! This is exactly what I described in my thread "does he even care." Something feels different. Yes, they still text, but there is no more that fuzzy feeling, and warm text messages. Hope at least one of us finds out what is going on.
Sunkissedpatio Posted September 24, 2016 Posted September 24, 2016 (edited) The problem I see is that you went on vacation and spent a LOT of intimate time together after only three weeks of dating so now the guy is prob needing some space to reassess how he feels. Yes he was the one who was gung-ho to take you away on vacation, and wanted to move things at that pace but now he is realizing that he needs to reconcile what he just experienced with you against his emotions. I'd play it cool, and give him space. He might be rubber-banding because he spent too much time too soon with you. Don't panic just yet. Guys are like that, that's why it's important for women to rein them in a bit even if they want to move things fast. By reining them in you help them keep their emotions in check and they don't experience too much too soon and tend to be more comfortable with the pace of their feelings and they don't have as much need to pull away. Give him space and continue to remain in contact with him (that's a good sign he is still reaching out the same) and let things build up again slowly. Edited September 24, 2016 by Sunkissedpatio
Leigh 87 Posted September 24, 2016 Posted September 24, 2016 Oftentimes, there is instant chemistry that amounts to nothing deeper. This happens a lot. The guy may have initially fallen for you and felt chemistry that tricked him into believing he may have had some connection with you. Happens all the time. He is back from vacation and realises that he is not feeling that into you anymore. His feelings are not where he feels they should be. It was all an illusion of chemistry. This is why I can totally understand people who warned me against chasing the spark and instant chemistry and magnetism. It more often than not, ends after 4 to 6 weeks. You basically fall for people based on an illusion and then after you get to know them, you just do not like them all that much; you do not connect with them emotionally or whatever. I fell hard for an ex. Then later realised that I did not actually like him. LOL. I found his personality annoying and irritating and in the end could not stand him. He may think you are a nice girl and like and respect you and find you attractive, but he probably lacks the depth of feelings that he was lead to believe he could feel. It is a peculiar thing that I have experienced many times; I thought I felt a spark, only to be hit by waves of doubt that felt like " okay... I was totally into them and now..I want space and do not want to see or hear from them, and they do not excite me at all? I was 30 before I found the chemistry element that actually lasted and lead into a deeper connection. Sounds like something feels off because it is. You are feeling your intuition despite the guy not necessarily saying or doing anything that indicates he is NOT into you.
katiegrl Posted September 24, 2016 Posted September 24, 2016 (edited) Oftentimes, there is instant chemistry that amounts to nothing deeper. This happens a lot. The guy may have initially fallen for you and felt chemistry that tricked him into believing he may have had some connection with you. Happens all the time. He is back from vacation and realises that he is not feeling that into you anymore. His feelings are not where he feels they should be. It was all an illusion of chemistry. This is why I can totally understand people who warned me against chasing the spark and instant chemistry and magnetism. It more often than not, ends after 4 to 6 weeks. You basically fall for people based on an illusion and then after you get to know them, you just do not like them all that much; you do not connect with them emotionally or whatever. I fell hard for an ex. Then later realised that I did not actually like him. LOL. I found his personality annoying and irritating and in the end could not stand him. He may think you are a nice girl and like and respect you and find you attractive, but he probably lacks the depth of feelings that he was lead to believe he could feel. It is a peculiar thing that I have experienced many times; I thought I felt a spark, only to be hit by waves of doubt that felt like " okay... I was totally into them and now..I want space and do not want to see or hear from them, and they do not excite me at all? I was 30 before I found the chemistry element that actually lasted and lead into a deeper connection. Sounds like something feels off because it is. ---- ***You are feeling your intuition despite the guy not necessarily saying or doing anything that indicates he is NOT into you. Don't agree. Based on *everything* she has written, sounds like what she is actually feeling is anxiety, inecurity and paranoia based on what her EX did to her Which no doubt her current boyfriend has picked up on, via her neediness, and perhaps has pulled back a bit because of *that*. Often times, what people perceive as their intuition is actually their own anxiety and insecurity. OP needs to chill a bit and remember, whatever her ex did to her is NOT her current bf's fault... Edited September 24, 2016 by katiegrl 1
Recommended Posts