NBD89 Posted September 22, 2016 Posted September 22, 2016 Me and my ex broke up back in June. And well, I never grew up with rules when it came to break ups, so the NC was never in place...plus we have a child together so it couldn't really be enforced, but that's after the fact anyways... Well, we haven't seen each other in a couple months and about a week or two ago he had invited me and our son over for dinner, which he cooked. While there I made sure to do my best to keep a distance...well every time I would leave the kitchen he would ask me to come back in...and he was constantly asking me to accompany him outside for a smoke and he was very nervous while I was there... Well, recently he has asked yet again for us to come to dinner, yet this time he wants to go out...I went ahead and took my own precautions by asking him if we needed to look nice and for a time frame...it also happens to land on my birthday, and I explained that all my original plans flew out the window. He asked if I wanted to hang out, and which I made sure he understood that my original plan was to drink and chill...which he said he was down to do...but I had to make a stipulation as if I were to be drinking I wouldn't be leaving....he made no objections....but I have this gut feeling that him asking us to dinner, was his way of asking me out again with out really saying anything...my birthday and those plans just happened to of fall into it all... While all that has happened we also have started talking more...with in the last week we have talked on almost a daily basis with one another consistently...our conversations are about anything, but he sends smileys, I wouldn't say alot, but it happens frequently...in our conversations he shows much interest in things I am doing and also compliments me... I also noticed that he calls me "mama" (he's mexican), and from what friends of mine have told me, that's a compliment, and a sign of interest that he likes me...but I also am worried because what if it's just a respect type of thing...ya know? From being with him I know that he doesn't interact with his friends the way he does me...and I'm kinda surprised because I expected to have been treated like everyone else...am I reading him right or are my hopes too high?? :/
Humantk Posted September 22, 2016 Posted September 22, 2016 It sounds like he's reaching out. And he's making an effort to re-attract you and connect with you. It doesn't seem like he just wants sex because its been going on for a few weeks. I don't think your hopes are too high. I would read it the same way you are. Take caution, but proceed I think. Especially if you can find happiness and you guys already have a child together. Hope that helps!
Zahara Posted September 22, 2016 Posted September 22, 2016 Ask him what his expectations are because it was after all a breakup. You need to know what you're getting into rather than just assuming. You don't want to reinvest when you don't even know what his intentions are, especially when there could be other reasons aside from reconciling in his head -- he could be bored, lonely, attention, etc. 4
Author NBD89 Posted September 22, 2016 Author Posted September 22, 2016 I have General Anxiety Disorder...it's not simple for me to just ask a question or questions like that. He did tell me that we aren't good together and that I needed to "carry on"...but that was before everything that I'd happening now.... Would it be bad to just play it out?
Zahara Posted September 22, 2016 Posted September 22, 2016 (edited) I have General Anxiety Disorder...it's not simple for me to just ask a question or questions like that. He did tell me that we aren't good together and that I needed to "carry on"...but that was before everything that I'd happening now.... Would it be bad to just play it out? That's totally up to you. It's risk you will have to take if you aren't able to communicate. Maybe you're afraid of his answer because deep down you somehow know your reality with him. I'm curious as to his comment and what has changed now that he's roping you back in. If you can't ask the hard questions, how will you manage a relationship? Edited September 22, 2016 by Zahara 2
BC1980 Posted September 22, 2016 Posted September 22, 2016 I have General Anxiety Disorder...it's not simple for me to just ask a question or questions like that. He did tell me that we aren't good together and that I needed to "carry on"...but that was before everything that I'd happening now.... Would it be bad to just play it out? It's not good that you can't ask where this is headed. You are also probably going to become anxious by being unsure of where you stand with him. That uncertainty would seem to cause more anxiety than knowing where you stand. 1
aloneinaz Posted September 22, 2016 Posted September 22, 2016 It's not good that you can't ask where this is headed. You are also probably going to become anxious by being unsure of where you stand with him. That uncertainty would seem to cause more anxiety than knowing where you stand. This situation with this ex is not helping your GAD at all. The uncertainty, the mental gymnastics you're putting yourself through will only continue to make you feel more anxious. Ask yourself why you're considering recycling a R/S that already failed vs. looking for someone new to start fresh with. BTW, many people get diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. Some live with them for years. Only after they get out of a R/S that was miserable did their anxiety go back in remission and they felt normal again. Bad, toxic, dysfunctional, unhealthy relationships CAUSE anxiety disorders due to the extreme stress and unhappiness. 1
BC1980 Posted September 22, 2016 Posted September 22, 2016 I was thinking about when I was in a relationship and was unable to ask the questions: where do we stand? what are your intentions? I was unable to ask because I was scared of the answers. Being unable to ask those basic questions speaks to a deep, underlying problem. If you are not able to ask those questions, then I don't think you need to be in a relationship with anyone until you can do so. Being unable to ask those questions created all kinds of uncertainty but also allowed me to fill in the answers that I wanted. I asked him one time where we stood, and he was evasive in his answer. Right now, you have no idea what his intentions are, but you are scared to ask because the answer might be that he just wants you around for company. 1
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