jen_jen_heartbroken Posted July 7, 2005 Posted July 7, 2005 If you're dating someone that you met on an online dating site, how far along in the relationship should you expect the other person and yourself to remove your profiles and cancel your membership to the site? How much time? How many dates? Before or after you talk about exclusivity?
miss-gonewest Posted July 7, 2005 Posted July 7, 2005 I met my ex online... and after say, three or four dates, I hid my profile... not so much out of exclusivity, but I was getting messages when I wasn't interested and I figured it wasn't fair to those folks. He however left his up for longer. I never said anything, but it was eventually removed as he came to terms with the relationship in his own time. Don't forget that fellers are far slower than us women when it comes to these things. How's the dating going Jen - any success? I am having a 'coffee date' tonight with an online person... I'm very reserved but you gotta dust yourself off and carry on eventually!!!
Author jen_jen_heartbroken Posted July 7, 2005 Author Posted July 7, 2005 Yeah, I met my last boyfriend online too. He took his profile down after two dates, but I later found out that he re-subscribed when we were having a rough patch.....that hurt. So I'm a bit more cautious this time around. The odd thing is that the guy I'm seeing now is someone who contacted me two years ago before -- we clicked on the phone, but I never met him because I got involved with my ex. So he saw me back online, and emailed me, but his profile was (and still is) hidden. So even though his profile is hidden, it does make me wonder if he's contacting other women (even though he says he isn't), because I can't see whether or not he is active on his profile. I asked him the other night why his profile was hidden and he said that he likes to be "selective". Maybe I'm overly paranoid. I dunno. Other than the above mentioned suspicion, everything is really great with this guy. We are soooo compatable, equally attracted to each other, and he has already given me two gifts and four cards, and not pressured me for sex. He seems really perfect for me so far. So what about this coffee date? How long have you guys been chatting?
Zaira Posted July 7, 2005 Posted July 7, 2005 Originally posted by jen_jen_heartbroken If you're dating someone that you met on an online dating site, how far along in the relationship should you expect the other person and yourself to remove your profiles and cancel your membership to the site? How much time? How many dates? Before or after you talk about exclusivity? Good question. I have been wondering about this too. I'd say when you reach "exclusiveness" then it's time for the profiles to be inactive.
Author jen_jen_heartbroken Posted July 7, 2005 Author Posted July 7, 2005 Originally posted by ~Zaira~ Good question. I have been wondering about this too. I'd say when you reach "exclusiveness" then it's time for the profiles to be inactive. Yeah, so I'm thinking that this should be part of the whole "exclusive" talk.....get it all out of the way at once.
WhereSpiritsRoam Posted July 7, 2005 Posted July 7, 2005 After three or four solid dates is the general rule I use. However, I never remove my profiles, I just change my status to "In a Relationship" or something similar.
alphamale Posted July 7, 2005 Posted July 7, 2005 remove or hide the profiles once you have had the "talk"
Forever Searching Posted July 7, 2005 Posted July 7, 2005 This couldn't hit closer to home. I'm going through the same thing and I'm really angry right now. It's been about two months and we spend a lot of time together and he never goes out with anyone else as far as I know and we had the discussion about dating other people and I thought we were on the same page about not dating others while we were dating. However, he just updated his profile yesterday and put a new pic up. We have been having a rough patch the past week but I thought we were working through it. I feel like he's looking for something better to come along. It makes me want to tell him to just screw off because I don't need bothered by a man that doesn't think I'm the sh*t!! I don't know what to do about it. I don't want to bring it up and at the same time I don't want to let it go because it's going to eat away at me and eventually I'm gonna crack!!
lvgrl Posted July 7, 2005 Posted July 7, 2005 I would bring it up if I were you. How is he ever going to know unless you talk to him?
lvgrl Posted July 7, 2005 Posted July 7, 2005 But also something else, on yalls mans profiles when it asks what hes looking for, does it say just friends or email or something like that? Or does it still say looking for a relationship??
Forever Searching Posted July 7, 2005 Posted July 7, 2005 But also something else, on yalls mans profiles when it asks what hes looking for, does it say just friends or email or something like that? Or does it still say looking for a relationship?? On mine, it is still the same "looking for a relationship" I might give it a couple more weeks and just chill about it and it things are going well at that point I'm either going to tell him to get lost if he doesn't think I'm good enough and feels the need to continue searching for someone else to date. At this point I'm tired of the crap and the games.
lvgrl Posted July 7, 2005 Posted July 7, 2005 he might just be browsing, or looking at profiles, reading mail...He might not be interested in dating anyone other than you. But at the same time, that is where you met him at, so one is to assume that if he met you there and hes still on there that he is looking. But you wont know any of these answers unless you ask him.
Author jen_jen_heartbroken Posted July 7, 2005 Author Posted July 7, 2005 Originally posted by lvgrl But also something else, on yalls mans profiles when it asks what hes looking for, does it say just friends or email or something like that? Or does it still say looking for a relationship?? His profile has been hidden this whole time, so I have no idea. But I do know that he still sends me email through the website, so he must still be subscribed.
alphamale Posted July 7, 2005 Posted July 7, 2005 Originally posted by jen_jen_heartbroken His profile has been hidden this whole time, so I have no idea. But I do know that he still sends me email through the website, so he must still be subscribed. His profile is only hidden from YOU....not from other women.
Author jen_jen_heartbroken Posted July 7, 2005 Author Posted July 7, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale His profile is only hidden from YOU....not from other women. Okay Mr. Obvious. You know what? I don't find that funny. Please take your mean-spirited bullshyt elsewhere.
alphamale Posted July 7, 2005 Posted July 7, 2005 Originally posted by jen_jen_heartbroken Okay Mr. Obvious. You know what? I don't find that funny. Please take your mean-spirited bullshyt elsewhere. actually J_J_HB, I was not being facetious. On many of the online dating sites I think you can now block certain users from seeing your profile. In the past, when you "hid" your profile it was hidden from all users.
lvgrl Posted July 7, 2005 Posted July 7, 2005 Originally posted by jen_jen_heartbroken Okay Mr. Obvious. You know what? I don't find that funny. Please take your mean-spirited bullshyt elsewhere. hahahahahaa
Author jen_jen_heartbroken Posted July 7, 2005 Author Posted July 7, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale actually J_J_HB, I was not being facetious. On many of the online dating sites I think you can now block certain users from seeing your profile. In the past, when you "hid" your profile it was hidden from all users. No, it is hidden from all users. However, someone with a hidden profile still has the ability to contact another user via email and attach their profile information in the email.
Forever Searching Posted July 7, 2005 Posted July 7, 2005 I've decided I'm not bringing it up to the guy I'm dating because I refuse to give him the satisfaction of thinking he could possibly upset me. Maybe we should put ours back up? Although I had mine hidden in the first place. Or, I'll just have to have a busy weekend and not let him know why!!
Author jen_jen_heartbroken Posted July 7, 2005 Author Posted July 7, 2005 Forever, Do you want to be in a relationship where you have to play games? Cause I don't. Which is why the exclusivity talk I'm going to have with my guy will be the make or break.
Forever Searching Posted July 7, 2005 Posted July 7, 2005 Originally posted by jen_jen_heartbroken Forever, Do you want to be in a relationship where you have to play games? Cause I don't. Which is why the exclusivity talk I'm going to have with my guy will be the make or break. Sorry, I messed up the originall post. No, I don't want to play games but I'm just sick of it all. I figure if he liked me enough he would have taken it down but instead it feels like he's not so sure I'm that great which makes me just plain angry. That makes me just want to call the whole thing off. I feel uncomfortable having a talk with him. I just guess I need more time to think about it. Let me know how your talk goes. Good luck. Maybe it will help me make a decision!!
Lilyann Posted July 7, 2005 Posted July 7, 2005 I had this talk with my LDR. He said that he was not going to remove his profile, but then he changed his mind when he found out how much it bothered me. However, in turn I told him that I was not going to ask him to do something - I wanted him to do it on his own. He said that he no longer pays for it, but only tells the girls "no thanks". I am a little confused about that. I feel like Forever Searching "that he is waiting until something better comes along." We have been dating only each other for 4 months and we have marriage in sight at the end (whenever that might be )- we know that we are willing to move. So my question is why keep it? I feel like Jen Jen even though it is hidden, they can still send things. I was going to cancel my membership, but it does not expire till mid aug. I am going to see him for vacation soon. I am going to "have the talk again", either he cancels it - no hiding or maybe we should question our relationship. If you are serious about him - try asking him. i do think that he is really interested because he found your profile again afte the time that you had been off. I do not want a guy that plays games. I am over that. Games are a waste of time.
cyberbabie30 Posted July 7, 2005 Posted July 7, 2005 Hi Everyone. I was in a simular situation as you ladies are. About 19 months ago I met a guy while I was out with my friends. During the course of us dating we had the talk and decided to become exclusive . He was the one who brought the talk up in the first place. Well 6 months into the relationship I found out that the guy I was dating also had dating adds up. A lot of them, and they were all still active, And still are. I also asked mine to take his down and he just ignored what i asked and didnt do anything about them. And tried to say that he couldnt access them when in fact it told the last time he was on his adds. I also found out that he was still looking while with me and had met a few women from the sites. I also found out that I wasnt the only one he had the talk with. He in fact was juggling both of us around. I broke it off 9 months ago because of this. I do still hear from him from time to time but its only been recently that he now wants to get together to say hi. I will see him but I know I wont take him back. Why because he still has his adds up and is still seeing the other woman he was seeing while with me, and still looking. If you want to have a talk with him the best way would be to put it like this. Tell him that your happy with him and want to keep dating but the future is important to you and lets see how we feel in a few weeks or in a month, and we will decide where this is going to continue if there is something more serious that we are both interested in and want and if we feel the same then we should take our adds down. This lets him know that you would like to be exclusive with him but yet your not going to wait around forever for him to make up his mind. Keep your add up dont take it down just yet. It will let him know that you too may be still looking. Keep your options open. Thats the mistake I made with mine is that I didnt leave my options open when I found all this out, now I know better. I believe that a man who is very interested in a woman would take his add down right away. You can also block certian members on the dating sites. I also know that there are a lot of players on these dating sites. So I have been told.
shygurl Posted July 7, 2005 Posted July 7, 2005 Originally posted by Forever Searching This couldn't hit closer to home. I'm going through the same thing and I'm really angry right now. It's been about two months and we spend a lot of time together and he never goes out with anyone else as far as I know and we had the discussion about dating other people and I thought we were on the same page about not dating others while we were dating. However, he just updated his profile yesterday and put a new pic up. We have been having a rough patch the past week but I thought we were working through it. I feel like he's looking for something better to come along. It makes me want to tell him to just screw off because I don't need bothered by a man that doesn't think I'm the sh*t!! I don't know what to do about it. I don't want to bring it up and at the same time I don't want to let it go because it's going to eat away at me and eventually I'm gonna crack!! If it's been 2 months and you've had the exclusivity talk....and his profile is still active SUCH that he's updated it and posted a new pic....well, I think you need to turn this one loose. There's no point even confronting him about it because you deserve a man who would have removed his profile long ago, not one you have to "guilt or pressure" into doing it. People don't update the profiles/post new pics unless they're still actively looking. You gotta protect yourself and your heart. Are you sexually active with him? If so, that's all the more reason to skid him - he's giving clear signs that he's continuing to look so who knows who he's actually meeting? and what he's doing? It's a very big red flag. Don't put up with this kind of crap, life is far too short. The guy obviously has balls and no respect for you or your relationship.
shygurl Posted July 7, 2005 Posted July 7, 2005 Originally posted by Forever Searching I've decided I'm not bringing it up to the guy I'm dating because I refuse to give him the satisfaction of thinking he could possibly upset me. Maybe we should put ours back up? Although I had mine hidden in the first place. Or, I'll just have to have a busy weekend and not let him know why!! This has nothing to do with giving him the satisfaction - this has everything to do with WHY you would want to remain in a relationship with someone who's demonstrated very clearly that his words don't jive with his actions (so what else does he lie about // misrepresent?). After 2 months together, he should know whether he wants to be with only you - apparently he doesn't because he's going out of his way to make his profile more attractive to other women. So why are you putting up with this sh*t? You're not desperate for a man, right? What if he's meeting up with other women and sleeping with them......? Don't understand why you'd put up with this.
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