startinganew777 Posted September 21, 2016 Posted September 21, 2016 Ok, I know this is early but at my work, we plan our Holiday parties early because places seem to get booked up fast every year and by October, we can't find anything. So anyways, every year I plan our Holiday parties, so this year I planned it at my boyfriend and I's condo's clubhouse. We put a deposit down and the date was confirmed the beginning of this month. My boyfriend just started a new job a couple months ago, my Uncle runs the company. Well they announced that their company Holiday party is the same night as mine just yesterday. Bummer. I'm pretty upset because I wanted to go because it is my Uncle and my boyfriend is really excited about this new job but there is no way I can go since it is at OUR condo and I HAVE to be there. I put the whole party together anyways. My boyfriend said he thinks he should go to HIS party because he just started working there and it would look good. Now I'm really upset because I'm putting this party together and I want him to see it, it is at our condo we share together and I would then be the only single person there at a party I'm throwing. :-( The parties are 45 min away from each other so there is no way he can do both, wouldn't be worth his time. Is it wrong for me to be a little upset he chose to go to his work party when I planned my party at our place? I told him the date earlier this month also so he knew ahead of time but chooses to go to his instead.
GunslingerRoland Posted September 21, 2016 Posted September 21, 2016 I don't think either of you really have a right to be upset at each other. It's unfortunate that it worked out that you can't go to each other's. But it's hardly the end of the world. A lot of companies don't even have holiday parties anymore. 1
lana-banana Posted September 21, 2016 Posted September 21, 2016 It's a corporate holiday party, not a dinner date. Besides, you are not single just because your boyfriend isn't there. I understand how this event means a lot to you but your guests won't be counting on him to be there, and your boyfriend's desire to make a good impression is understandable. GunslingerRoland is right inasmuch as neither of you should be upset at the other. Your best bet is to find a way to help each other's parties. Maybe you can help prepare dishes for each other to bring? 6
rester Posted September 21, 2016 Posted September 21, 2016 I agree with the other two. It's unfortunate but he should go to his first holiday party at his new job. 1
clia Posted September 21, 2016 Posted September 21, 2016 I cant even believe what I'm reading. No, you should not be upset with him. Of course he should go to his own work party. It would be totally ridiculous for him to skip his own work party to attend yours. I don't care when you told him or where you chose to hold your work party. He has no control over the date of his work party and he's absolutely right that he should attend. And who cares if you are there without a date? It's a work party. 9
Author startinganew777 Posted September 21, 2016 Author Posted September 21, 2016 I know it isn't a dinner date but everyone will be there with their spouses and it just hurts I planned the whole thing and he won't be there with me. I get it though. I shouldn't be upset with him. I'm just upset with the situation. I haven't even said anything to him about it, I was just venting. He did say it was my Uncle's company and that I should try to make it out for a bit but I just can't do that. There is no possible way. I have to make the food for it, get the whole place decorated and then clean the clubhouse afterwards and now I have to do it all on my own when I originally thought he would be there to help me.
MissBee Posted September 21, 2016 Posted September 21, 2016 I cant even believe what I'm reading. No, you should not be upset with him. Of course he should go to his own work party. It would be totally ridiculous for him to skip his own work party to attend yours. I don't care when you told him or where you chose to hold your work party. He has no control over the date of his work party and he's absolutely right that he should attend. And who cares if you are there without a date? It's a work party. I agree. In my field social events are never "just social" and attending functions is important for your professional reputation as well. It definitely makes sense that if he has a new job he should attend the company's holiday party and show face. Maybe a compromise could be him attending his first and then leaving and making the tail end of yours. This is strictly business IMO and my career is important to me so I would expect it to also be for a boyfriend and would not bat an eyelash at either of us having to do our work obligations separately. That is how I see holiday parties, as work obligations, they are "social" but still part of work and I would want my bf to make a good impression in his new career/company and wouldn't try to jeopardize that just because I want a date. Likewise, on my end, even if it's at my condo clubhouse I would still consider it a "work function." if my bf doesn't work there too his presence is completely optional.
strawberryshortstack Posted September 21, 2016 Posted September 21, 2016 Ok, I know this is early but at my work, we plan our Holiday parties early because places seem to get booked up fast every year and by October, we can't find anything. So anyways, every year I plan our Holiday parties, so this year I planned it at my boyfriend and I's condo's clubhouse. We put a deposit down and the date was confirmed the beginning of this month. My boyfriend just started a new job a couple months ago, my Uncle runs the company. Well they announced that their company Holiday party is the same night as mine just yesterday. Bummer. I'm pretty upset because I wanted to go because it is my Uncle and my boyfriend is really excited about this new job but there is no way I can go since it is at OUR condo and I HAVE to be there. I put the whole party together anyways. My boyfriend said he thinks he should go to HIS party because he just started working there and it would look good. Now I'm really upset because I'm putting this party together and I want him to see it, it is at our condo we share together and I would then be the only single person there at a party I'm throwing. :-( The parties are 45 min away from each other so there is no way he can do both, wouldn't be worth his time. Is it wrong for me to be a little upset he chose to go to his work party when I planned my party at our place? I told him the date earlier this month also so he knew ahead of time but chooses to go to his instead. Can he put in an appearance at his own company's party, and then end the evening at yours?
kendahke Posted September 21, 2016 Posted September 21, 2016 I know it isn't a dinner date but everyone will be there with their spouses and it just hurts I planned the whole thing and he won't be there with me. I get it though. I shouldn't be upset with him. I'm just upset with the situation. I haven't even said anything to him about it, I was just venting. He did say it was my Uncle's company and that I should try to make it out for a bit but I just can't do that. There is no possible way. I have to make the food for it, get the whole place decorated and then clean the clubhouse afterwards and now I have to do it all on my own when I originally thought he would be there to help me. Next year, make a note to yourself to discuss the holiday party with your uncle and your boyfriend before booking and committing yourself to the process. From what you've written, it appears you had an unexpressed expectation that your boyfriend would be at your disposal because you expected that your company would be the only one having a company party on that particular evening. Best way to avoid this level of complication is to make early inquiries.
Author startinganew777 Posted September 21, 2016 Author Posted September 21, 2016 Nah, the parties are 45 min. away. It wouldn't be worth his time to drive out to mine after his. And, I had to make a commitment with the clubhouse per my supervisor. There was no way around that. She told me the date she wanted our office party so that is the date I had to pick. At the time, my boyfriend didn't even know that his company did parties.
clia Posted September 21, 2016 Posted September 21, 2016 He did say it was my Uncle's company and that I should try to make it out for a bit but I just can't do that. There is no possible way. I have to make the food for it, get the whole place decorated and then clean the clubhouse afterwards and now I have to do it all on my own when I originally thought he would be there to help me. Can any of your coworkers help out? (Or is your job party planning? It seems strange that you are solely responsible for all this for your whole company.) I personally don't think any of these tasks should've fallen on your boyfriend to begin with, unless your company was planning to pay him. Why should he be responsible to cook, decorate, set up, and clean up for your company's party? That seems really unprofessional. 7
Author startinganew777 Posted September 21, 2016 Author Posted September 21, 2016 No, it isn't in my job description but I have just done it every year for the past 10 years or so because I'm the admin here and none of the busy engineers are going to do it. LOL It would never get planned if I didn't do it. My supervisor just kind of threw it at me one year and expects me to do it every year. He just offered to help decorate and clean the place up afterwards since it is the clubhouse of the condo we share. He wasn't expected to. And he said he would help make some of the food with me because he felt bad I had to do it on my own. I never asked him, he offered. Neither of us get paid for this but the company pays for the rental, food, drinks, ect.
strawberryshortstack Posted September 21, 2016 Posted September 21, 2016 Nah, the parties are 45 min. away. It wouldn't be worth his time to drive out to mine after his. And, I had to make a commitment with the clubhouse per my supervisor. There was no way around that. She told me the date she wanted our office party so that is the date I had to pick. At the time, my boyfriend didn't even know that his company did parties. I'm sorry. He lives with you, but it's not worth his time to drive back to the clubhouse at the condo development where you both live together? This makes no sense. 2
Author startinganew777 Posted September 21, 2016 Author Posted September 21, 2016 My party only last till about 8 or 9. His starts at 7. It is 45 min. away and is also only a couple of hours, so yes, it would be a waste of time. By the time he would leave his, mine would be over.
pteromom Posted September 21, 2016 Posted September 21, 2016 I get the disappointment. But you'll be ok. Let him go enjoy his work party guilt-free. You enjoy yours. Invite your uncle and some other key employees from his new job to a dinner party at your house next month or something. I would apologize to him for getting upset and tell him you are just disappointed that it worked out this way.
Author startinganew777 Posted September 21, 2016 Author Posted September 21, 2016 I haven't really even talked to him much about this so there is no need to apologize. I just said that it sucks and he told me he thinks I should at least make an appearance at his party. I told him I can't and that was that. I didn't make him feel guilty about anything. I'm venting here, not to his face.
GunslingerRoland Posted September 22, 2016 Posted September 22, 2016 There is no possible way. I have to make the food for it, get the whole place decorated and then clean the clubhouse afterwards and now I have to do it all on my own when I originally thought he would be there to help me. Wait... you have to cater your own Christmas party? That doesn't really sound fair to you. 1
Toodaloo Posted September 22, 2016 Posted September 22, 2016 Well at least he will be around to help you clean up after. No you shouldn't be cross or angry. Yes, you should get someone else to do the catering etc next year, and do you not speak to your uncle? I know which of mine have Christmas dos and not... or is that just me... 3
smackie9 Posted September 22, 2016 Posted September 22, 2016 Been with my guy for over 26 years...there have been plenty of events, parties and family dinners we have flown solo, due to work or other engagements. It's call compromise/acceptance. This won't be the last time this happens. It's part of being in a relationship. Getting angry over it is counter productive and a waste of energy. Let it go. 5
Author startinganew777 Posted September 22, 2016 Author Posted September 22, 2016 No, my company pays for everything but I have to make some of the food but the food will be paid for. I was told to get pasta catered in but I'm supposed to make salad and apps. Yeah, not too happy about it but got to do what my supervisor tells me to do.
Author startinganew777 Posted September 22, 2016 Author Posted September 22, 2016 "Well at least he will be around to help you clean up after. No you shouldn't be cross or angry. Yes, you should get someone else to do the catering etc next year, and do you not speak to your uncle? I know which of mine have Christmas dos and not... or is that just me... " I'm not anymore. I realized I was being a baby about it. It was just important to me and I wanted him there. Like I said, I haven't said anything to him about it. I'm just going to drop it. Yes, my uncle and I talk. I'm the one who got my boyfriend a job there. This is a company holiday party I'm talking about, not a family holiday party.
Sunkissedpatio Posted September 22, 2016 Posted September 22, 2016 No, my company pays for everything but I have to make some of the food but the food will be paid for. I was told to get pasta catered in but I'm supposed to make salad and apps. Yeah, not too happy about it but got to do what my supervisor tells me to do. Wow you sure got the short end of the stick! What kind of bullsht company makes you do all the cooking for a staff party even though they pay for food? You have every right to be upset and disappointed, it sucks you can't share the night with your man, but I'm glad you didn't act on it. It's neither's "fault" them are the cards. There is no reason why your guy can't make an appearance at his party and make it back to yours. Is he driving? Because it's not like he can drink all night if driving anyway so why not go to his party for a few hours and then go to yours for end of party? And I know you are 45mins apart, still it's totally doable. He wanted you to go to his so clearly he thinks it's doable. 1
clia Posted September 22, 2016 Posted September 22, 2016 No, my company pays for everything but I have to make some of the food but the food will be paid for. I was told to get pasta catered in but I'm supposed to make salad and apps. Yeah, not too happy about it but got to do what my supervisor tells me to do. Can you ask each of your coworkers to bring an appetizer and you make the salad? This seems like total BS that you are responsible for all of this. You should've done it at a restaurant so you wouldn't have gotten stuck making food. 1
Author startinganew777 Posted September 22, 2016 Author Posted September 22, 2016 Tell me about it. Not happy, my supervisor is not my favorite person. Super bossy and likes to micromanage me. She seems to think this is all my job to do because we work in an office full of mostly men and we are the only woman but she doesn't want to help. Guess who has to wash all the dishes in the office? Yeah me. Because none of them men think they should. But that is a whole other issue. Anyways, I may ask everyone to bring something. We did that last year at someone's house. But then comes the problem of getting reimbursed for the food from our company. Idk, some things to think about. His party will not have alcohol, I guess there were some problems in the past at their other parties, LOL so drinking and driving won't be an issue for him. I'm going to let him decide what is best I guess. I was just excited we booked our clubhouse and we were going to decorate and fix the place up together, drink and not have to worry about driving and then him get to know my co workers. I guess we have time to decide what to do.
GunslingerRoland Posted September 22, 2016 Posted September 22, 2016 No, my company pays for everything but I have to make some of the food but the food will be paid for. I was told to get pasta catered in but I'm supposed to make salad and apps. Yeah, not too happy about it but got to do what my supervisor tells me to do. No, if your supervisor is asking you to do something outside of work hours that has nothing to do with your job, that is not something you need to do. Your supervisor can't just walk up to you in whatever job you work and ask you to go to their house and clean their toilets or babysit their kids either. You are having to make the food, serve it and clean it... that is catering. A job companies get paid a lot of money to do.
Recommended Posts