What to do at this point?

[missidk]

So I've been seeing this guy for about 4 months. I met this guy online last year and we talked for a few weeks then we somehow stopped talking. And when we started talking again this year and I didn't even know it was him until I found old messages from him in my phone. Anyway... He has an 8 yo son and is pretty much on the right track to having all the things I could want in a guy. Everything started out very slow we talked every day for the first couple of months and went out a few times and we had a great time together. Met his son , had dates with him and his son it was just great. We really didn't get to see each other much throughout the second month due to events, work, and already planned trips... everything was going fine until month 3 and then he just became distant; not answering text, calls or barely responding, didn't spend any time together.

 

I would tell him that I felt he was being inconsistent and that it was frustrating and that he should let me know if he wants me around or just tell me if he doesn't. I definitely snapped on him a few times because I just didn't get it or understand how you're so busy but you obviously can do all these other things and talk to everyone else except me. Every time I called he didn't answer or even text back. This went on throughout that entire month and we finally were able to come to terms and he just realized that he has been distant and busy with his son and family, etc... and made it a point that hed do better my didn't want me to feel like he was doing everything on purpose.

 

so now we're on month 4 and then last few weeks have been great. We've been spending time together. He's been consistent. We've been communicating well and I'm actually in the position where I have genuine feelings toward him and idk what to do. I feel like he's becoming distracted again and doing the whole "not answering texts or barely responding" thing again. I feel like any time I get close to having feelings for someone and letting my guard down everything goes wrong or I start to feel neglected in some way. Idk if should even tell him how I feel out of fear that he'll go weird on me again. At this point we've been dating for almost 4 months and I don't want to rush anything but I don't want to feel like I'm the only one working toward something. I'm in this awkward space and I really do not know what to do.

 

Any advice?

Edited September 21, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
paragraphs ~6

[Redhead14]

So I've been seeing this guy for about 4 months. I met this guy online last year and we talked for a few weeks then we somehow stopped talking. And when we started talking again this year and I didn't even know it was him until I found old messages from him in my phone. Anyway... He has an 8 yo son and is pretty much on the right track to having all the things I could want in a guy. Everything started out very slow we talked every day for the first couple of months and went out a few times and we had a great time together. Met his son , had dates with him and his son it was just great. We really didn't get to see each other much throughout the second month due to events, work, and already planned trips... everything was going fine until month 3 and then he just became distant; not answering text, calls or barely responding, didn't spend any time together. I would tell him that I felt he was being inconsistent and that it was frustrating and that he should let me know if he wants me around or just tell me if he doesn't. I definitely snapped on him a few times because I just didn't get it or understand how you're so busy but you obviously can do all these other things and talk to everyone else except me. Every time I called he didn't answer or even text back. This went on throughout that entire month and we finally were able to come to terms and he just realized that he has been distant and busy with his son and family, etc... and made it a point that hed do better my didn't want me to feel like he was doing everything on purpose. so now we're on month 4 and then last few weeks have been great. We've been spending time together. He's been consistent. We've been communicating well and I'm actually in the position where I have genuine feelings toward him and idk what to do. I feel like he's becoming distracted again and doing the whole "not answering texts or barely responding" thing again. I feel like any time I get close to having feelings for someone and letting my guard down everything goes wrong or I start to feel neglected in some way. Idk if should even tell him how I feel out of fear that he'll go weird on me again. At this point we've been dating for almost 4 months and I don't want to rush anything but I don't want to feel like I'm the only one working toward something. I'm in this awkward space and I really do not know what to do.

Any advice?

 

1) we talked for a few weeks then we somehow stopped talking.

 

2) month 3 and then he just became distant; not answering text, calls or barely responding,

 

3) Every time I called he didn't answer or even text back. This went on throughout that entire month

 

4) I feel like he's becoming distracted again and doing the whole "not answering texts or barely responding" thing again.

 

Idk if should even tell him how I feel -- You have told him 4 times already in 4 months, he knows exactly how you are feeling about this.

 

You have gone through this 4 times in 4 months -- the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results.

 

and made it a point that hed do better -- He's not very good at doing better, is he?

 

Idk if should even tell him how I feel out of fear that he'll go weird on me again -- He's already going weird on you again.

 

He is not/can't or doesn't want to make you a priority. You have a window into what the future would be like with him.

 

he just realized that he has been distant and busy with his son and family, -- It wasn't some kind of epiphany for him . . . those are his priorities. And, if you're dating a single parent, you're going to run into this often.

 

You haven't been "dating" him for 4 months, it's more like a month and half with all the dark periods.

 

Sorry to be harsh, but he's not serious about you at all. Generally, when someone goes dark like he has done a number of times, the message is "I'm not interested in developing a relationship with you and you're slow on the uptake".

 

Don't reach out to him anymore for any reason. Block and delete his number and start dating other people.

[salparadise]

It sounds like he's ambivalent about being in a close, committed relationship with you. You are not wrong to be wary of someone who ghosts you like that.

 

Are you sure he's not dating others? If he disappeared for a whole month that would be enough time for him to have shifted focus to someone else, have it not work out, and then back to you.

 

Otherwise, he may distance due to fear of intimacy, vulnerability, commitment. Emotional unavailability. If you think he's doing this again, after having already talked it through the first time, my suggestion would be to back away. See if he suddenly snaps to when he sees that you aren't chasing and begging for attention.

 

But either way, it's not a good sign of things to come. Yea, I'd give him more space than he bargained for and see what happens... if he goes a week without contacting you just tell him this isn't the kind of relationship you're interested in and start dating other people.

 

I realize this is easier to say than to do if you're already starting to be invested. However, sometimes you have to let your brain overrule your emotions when the writing is on the wall.

[Zahara]

I feel like any time I get close to having feelings for someone and letting my guard down everything goes wrong or I start to feel neglected in some way.

 

And I think when he senses this from you, he backs off. It could possibly be that he is wary of commitment with you/emotionally unavailable and his fear of knowing you are getting more and more attached to him. Possibly the fear of being responsible for your feelings as well. So, he steps back, tries to create distance to alleviate whatever he's feeling/thinking and then you'll have the talk and he'll hit the reset button again.

 

Doesn't look promising. The behavior will likely keep repeating.