mazza32cott Posted July 7, 2005 Posted July 7, 2005 Sometime ago, I met a guy who told me his last relationship was quiet a while ago. I started to date him and eventually he moved in with me for a period of 5 months. He wanted to get married blah blah blah...His ex found out and started calling him, calling my house, driving past my house etc.... To cut a long story short he went back to her and then came back to me and then back to her. He tells me that they have broken up 20 times. She keeps kicking him out. I told him that his relationship with her wont last. I said that she only wants him back because he is with me. She even confirmed that this was her aim the time before. He says he feels like he is trapped because she is on antidepressants and wants to committ suicide. He rang me the other day to say he was moving over East with her. I think it is because his girlfriend is very manipulative and he is very weak and easily manipulated. She wants him out of reach of me and his support group (his mother). So he left 2 days ago. He told me that I could always ring his mother. I said what for? He said so that you can ask how I am going etc. I said who are you? He said no need to be like that. I said well you are the one that's leaving. Anyhow, I can almost gaurantee that he will be back within 1 - 3 months. He will come knocking on my door again. I hope I have the ability to say to him "You had your chance, I am no longer available to you..." I am an intellegent professional woman and I can't believe that I am attracted to someone so weak...
TheCwazydude Posted July 7, 2005 Posted July 7, 2005 Pity has a way of doing that, Just make sure you tell his mother for him not to come back. And if he come's back anyway tell him to go away, I know that words are much easier then doing it, but it needs to be done.
Candy Cane Posted July 7, 2005 Posted July 7, 2005 Yikes, girl. I know your situation. You want despertly to be rid of him but yet you get weak...and give him one more chance...and hope that this time will be different from the last. It just goes on and on until you lose all self respect. I've totally been there...more than once. Well, you can do it. I know you can.
Author mazza32cott Posted July 8, 2005 Author Posted July 8, 2005 Thanks for your replies guys. I haven't lost my self respect but I thinkk my friends have lost respect for him. How sad:( I do miss him and I am wishing he was back but I know that is no good. Maz
morrigan Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 Originally posted by mazza32cott I haven't lost my self respect but I thinkk my friends have lost respect for him. How sad:( I do miss him and I am wishing he was back but I know that is no good. Keep being strong! If he calls again, be firm in telling him you're not interested in dating or seeing him again. Then don't talk to him again. Block him from your email. It's easier to see thing clearly when you aren't around the person at all. He may have some good qualities, but he has issues of his own when he stays in a toxic relationship with this woman. You don't deserve that kind of cyclic drama in your life.
Author mazza32cott Posted July 9, 2005 Author Posted July 9, 2005 Thank you Morrigan I know you are right. I have to be strong. There is many better men out there.
RecordProducer Posted July 9, 2005 Posted July 9, 2005 As long as you reward him with forgiveness he will keep doing this to you. He leaves, comes back, and you take him back with no (or little) comment. If you take him back again, he will keep going back and forth in the future. Do you really want to share him with another woman? How manipulative she is is irrelevant for you. This is about you and him. You have a boyfriend who keeps leaving you for another woman. He can say NO, but he goes back to her and sleeps with her. He is only easy to manipulate with because he loves her. As much as it's painful for you now, you can get over him, but start getting over now. And don't take him back if you have mercy for yourself! If it's meant to be he will look for you some day, but you won't be interesting to him until you say NO.
Author mazza32cott Posted July 9, 2005 Author Posted July 9, 2005 Thanks for your support. I guess it's just that I have thisa hope that maybe he will end it with her finally. Breaking up over 20 times does not say much for any relationship. But I do feel like a fool. I am trying to work out in my head, I guess, things like, why did he move in with me for 5 months, why did he want us to get married, why did he introduce me to his family? It is hard to come to grips with the fact he may have been taking me for a ride because of the above. He sends me a message to say "don't worry, I love you" and the next day he is back with her. All these messages are so confusing. I am so glad to be able to come here and talk because all my friends say is forget him he is no good so I don't say anything to them anymore. I guess too a part of me wants to save face as I am an intellegent woman and can't even understand how I got myself into this predicument. Thanks guys
Author mazza32cott Posted July 10, 2005 Author Posted July 10, 2005 It's a mixture of things really. I seperated from an 18 year marraige about 2 and a half years ago and my ex has been really horrible to me ever since. An example of this is pouring a beer over me while I was out. Last week he was in Bali and I was out. I bumped into a mutual friend and was talking to him and someone sms'd him to say that I was talking to so and so. Anyhow, he sent me an sms from Bali telling me to f***k off out of his life and leave the hotel. I sent him one back saying lose my number you w**nk**. I later found out that it was his girlfriend who has never met me but recognised me from photos. I gave him a 50/50 split of the assets and he wanted more even though I have the children (2 boys) and has given me hell over that. He told all our friends that they had to choose between us. He has involved the children in many ways. Anyhow, since the breakup I have met quiet a lot of men, however, never the right one. The guy that came along made me feel special and really made me believe that he was the one. I am very hurt by what has happened. I guess in one way I am losing trust in men. I am also lonely. Even though I have many friends, I really want someone special in my life. My marraige to my ex was terrible ever since the children were born and they are 12 and 13 now. I stuck it out thinking it was the right thing to do. This weekend for instance, I am home alone. The boys are with their father. I could go around and visit a friend but I just don't feel like sitting at someones house. I have joined the gym and have met many people there but not that special person. Today has been spent sitting in front of this computer. I have heaps of work to do but can't be bothered doing it. I am smoking so much it is ridiculous and I want that to stop but right now I can't seem to get on track with anything. I am 43 years old and just feel like I need a life. I love my boys, they mean my world to me. When my ex found out that I was with someone, he went for full custody but I won that hands down with no lawyers because I am a very good mother. I don't know....Thanks for being there.
Candy Cane Posted July 10, 2005 Posted July 10, 2005 I know exactly what you mean. It can be very difficult to be alone. I'm in a situation where I realize that if I don't meet someone soon and start a family soon, I may never have one. It's extremely frightening. Despite what they say, the "right" person doesn't always come along. Sometimes we are simply left alone. I guess I try to stay in the reality, even though it's hard. I know that life is fleeting and that I should appreciate the gifts that God has given me...like my parents, brother and sister....I have them around and they are a great support to me. I am truly blessed to have them. And I have to ask myself...would my life really be better if I were with so-and-so? I don't remember it being better when I was with him. I guess it's about saying, "This is what I have and it is enough."
Recommended Posts