AubreyDG Posted September 21, 2016 Share Posted September 21, 2016 Hello everyone, this is my first post. I have read many great threads on here but I feel like I never get the answers to my specific situation, so let me explain I am a 20 year old male, and my girlfriend is 18. We were together for 14 (almost 15) months, our relationship was good, we argued quite a fair bit but when we were together it was great, we had fun and always made each other happy. I was her first love as she was mine, we felt connected on a deep level and told each other our darkest secrets, we felt like we were made for each other. Regardless of the arguments and (mini) break ups we would always get back together a day or two later. This is until the last break up we had, she ended the relationship two days after we got home from our break to London. I didn't like her friends much as they would always talk about me in a bad way and get involved in my business. I reacted to this by talking about them in a bad way, insulting them, etc which looking back probably wasn't the most mature thing to do but hey, it happened. Anyway, when she broke it off (just over 17 days ago) i initially reacted by saying "okay :)" as I thought showing her I didn't care would make her want to come back, however, a day or two later I decided that I should declare my love for her in an attempt to win her back (mistake #1) after not getting the response I had hoped for I got upset and started an argument, which I later apologized for and then afterwards declared my love for her and how special she is to me etc. After that, I just decided to go NC, cut all contact. This lasted for 15 days until the 19th (two days ago) I decided to strike up a convo after seeing that she had been checking out my instagram story, I asked her how school was going and how she was, she said that she was great, to which I told her I was glad and said I am going to the gym so I had to go. I felt immediately terrible after this as of course I didn't get the response I wanted. So I decided to resume NC, until yesterday. Side Note: I have a bad habit of checking her social media just to see if she has moved on or anything, I know this is silly but It's just a habit. I noticed that she liked a quote that reads "moral of the story, no matter how much we try, no matter how much we want it, some stories just don't have a happy ending" so this suggests that she accepts the feelings for me but also accepts that we can't work, and once again I noticed that she had looked at my story on Instagram. This threw me off and now I am wondering if no contact is the right option or if I should go after her to try and prove we can work? I really want her back and I know that NC isn't used for that but, I am just trying to find the best option right now, all replies are greatly appreciated Thanks so much for reading this through. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted September 21, 2016 Share Posted September 21, 2016 Keep up the no contact... You are in for a few more heart breaks before you find the one so best to learn how to deal with it now. Do yourself a favour. No Facebook No Instagram No messaging No Snap chat No Emails No Phone calls No drive past/ walking past her house/ college etc... Cut contact so you can remember it fondly when you hit 40... Because trust me your perspective will be a lot different then to the way it is now. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted September 21, 2016 Share Posted September 21, 2016 If you want someone back, don't start from playing games. You could end up digging up a deeper hole for yourself. That's what you have done. Now go NC to move on. If you keep on seeing one another , non of you will be able to move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fromheart Posted September 21, 2016 Share Posted September 21, 2016 NC is actually the best way to get someone back, but that's only because you've moved on and looked after yourself. And moved on means to genuinely move the hell on, do what you do and see other women if you feel ready. There's nothing you actually have to do to show your love for another, that's the stuff of movies. Its all about your self respect, chasing someone who's ended it with you shows low self esteem, and pushes them further away. Your first text was actually a better response than the subsequent chasing. Probably the best response would be, 'Okay, but I'm not interested in friendship, I only want you romantically. Let me know if you change your mind.' And then go strict NC and self development. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AubreyDG Posted September 21, 2016 Author Share Posted September 21, 2016 NC is actually the best way to get someone back, but that's only because you've moved on and looked after yourself. And moved on means to genuinely move the hell on, do what you do and see other women if you feel ready. There's nothing you actually have to do to show your love for another, that's the stuff of movies. Its all about your self respect, chasing someone who's ended it with you shows low self esteem, and pushes them further away. Your first text was actually a better response than the subsequent chasing. Probably the best response would be, 'Okay, but I'm not interested in friendship, I only want you romantically. Let me know if you change your mind.' And then go strict NC and self development. Thanks for the replies everyone! I feel like I have improved as I was able to talk to her without feeling like I need to spill out all my feelings etc. I kept it at a general conversation to show her that I still care and that i was able to walk away. I don't want her to feel like we are friends because (as bas as it sounds) that's not what I want. Has me breaking no contact probably ruined all chances of her coming back? and what do you think about that quote she liked? is that any significant meaning or am I just reading too much into it? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted September 21, 2016 Share Posted September 21, 2016 No its not ruined your chances at getting her back. It has slowed down your moving on though. Don't do it to yourself. Its really not worth it. The quote she liked was her saying that you are a good person but you are not the one for her. I repeat. Don't do it to yourself. Go no contact and move on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AubreyDG Posted September 21, 2016 Author Share Posted September 21, 2016 No its not ruined your chances at getting her back. It has slowed down your moving on though. Don't do it to yourself. Its really not worth it. The quote she liked was her saying that you are a good person but you are not the one for her. I repeat. Don't do it to yourself. Go no contact and move on. I find it hard to move on, I always find myself kind of in a state of "hope" that she will come back I attend MMA and gym etc. but I can't keep her off my mind for a long time, it sucks 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted September 21, 2016 Share Posted September 21, 2016 I find it hard to move on, I always find myself kind of in a state of "hope" that she will come back I attend MMA and gym etc. but I can't keep her off my mind for a long time, it sucks OK well try starving yourself. After 24 hours I bet all you will be able to think about is a lovely sunday roast, or cheese on toast or ice cream sundaes... The more you worry about it the more you will think about it. If I tell you that you are not allowed to think about black cats. Under no circumstances are you to think about black cats. Black cats are the worst thing you can think about right now. If you think about black cats the world will end and you will never get over all of this. Black cats and not thinking about them are the key... So what ever you do. Do not think about black cats. Ever. No more black cats. Cut black cats out of your life and do not for one second ever think about them. Absolutely do not think about Black cats. Remove all pictures of black cats. Perhaps you should get a black cat. But no, you must not think about black cats... What ever you do, do not let images of black cats come to mind. Close your eyes and relax. What mental image has just come to mind? I bet all you can think about are black cats... So instead of telling yourself not to think about her. Remove any and all reminders of her. Allow yourself to remember and process, but then remind yourself that it didn't work and that you need to get your kit cleaned for next trip to the gym and there is a new band playing at that bar round the corner... Keep yourself busy and watch out for black cats! Its good luck if they cross your path! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fromheart Posted September 21, 2016 Share Posted September 21, 2016 Thanks for the replies everyone! I feel like I have improved as I was able to talk to her without feeling like I need to spill out all my feelings etc. I kept it at a general conversation to show her that I still care and that i was able to walk away. I don't want her to feel like we are friends because (as bas as it sounds) that's not what I want. Has me breaking no contact probably ruined all chances of her coming back? and what do you think about that quote she liked? is that any significant meaning or am I just reading too much into it? Aubrey, you are not listening to what we are saying. Most of us have been where you are right now. Re read my previous post. Google 'Coach Corey Wayne.' Link to post Share on other sites
cucumber95 Posted September 30, 2016 Share Posted September 30, 2016 Go no contact, I was checking my ex gf facebook, etc.. and it made it harder. I stopped doing it, I try to stop thinking about her, and everyday is easier. If she is going to go back to you, she will text you, wait for her, time is key here. Link to post Share on other sites
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