Is my GF flirting with this guy and should I be worried? (FB communication)

[Andre101]

I am not proud of this but I had a bad feeling about one guy my GF met (had that bad gut feeling) got into her phone and was able to receive part of their FB communication. Now I am a bit dissapointed with what I read and would like to hear your honest opinion about situation. I copied the communication so I am able to post here an exact translation (sorry for my English as I am a Swedish).

 

Little background about us: Both 29 years old, 14 months in relationships, both in love and very happy. None of us has a cheating history.

 

So now back to the story. She went to work a party, and another day she told me it was great and met lots of people she cooperate/work over the email for months and this was the first time she saw some of the, in a person. One of them is this guy which se cooperates on some endowment project over emails and phones and she politely asked me that if now when she met him a person she could go with him to a coffee and discuss this project even more. I said ok because it seemed pretty normal to me.

 

I dont know why and I am really not proud of this but a day later I got a bad feeling about this (she is very attractive and I know many guys would want her), got into her phone and was able to receive part of their communication. To me it is really apparent that he is really into her and flirting but I dont know what to think about her replies because it seems to me she is flirting with him as well. Should I tell her that I dont like the style of this communication or would it be better to try to investigate more and be quiet? To me it is absolutely evident he doesn’t want to see her because of the job talk but because he is into her and want to take an advantage. I think she must see it as well and still want to meet with him which is probably the thing that bugs me most. Or am I simply too much jealous?

 

him: I really like this job. Have been here for 8 months and thinking what to do next. The boss is great also. How about you? )

 

gf: happy at my work as well, the collective is nice. Well 8 months, you should be there for 4 more so you can say you have been working there for a whole year

 

him: Yes that is what I was thinking about. By the way, would’t it be better if we talk about this in a person? )

 

him: (gf not replying for some time)

 

him: hm, probably not )

 

gf: I am sorry, was in the lockroom after a practise. If it would be at reasonable hours/time, than of course

 

him: Well how about next week? And what is a reasonable time?

 

gf: My next week is completely full, but we can meet a week later. I meant that I need to go out at a reasonable hours otherwise I would "reproved" at home

 

him: ok You mean, you need to be at home at certain times like a kid )

 

gf: No I dont, but we are still working on this with my boyfriend. There has been a lot of work lately, then I went to vacation with my mum, then more work events, it wasn’t easy for him lately

 

him: and your boyfriend would not get mad if we go out?

 

gf: no no, he wouldn’t... I think You don’t have to deal with this?

 

him: I am ok, I don’t have to deal with these issues

 

gf: it is not possible everybody has to deal with something

 

him: what do you mean?

 

gf: Ok, only women probably deal with things

 

him: Well you have to explain this to me. When I am single why should I deal with something? I am at a party right now

 

gf: First: I didnt know this, second: we women tend to deal, analyze things even when we are single. We have prejudices etc I am at bed already, horrible (note: juding by the time of the message I was there with her at this moment)

 

him: I understand but I think it is good not to judge someone based on scrap informations And what is your stand on relationships?

 

gf: I am almost 14 months with my boyfriend, so it is getting serious...

 

gf: I am sorry sometimes I judge others too fast

 

him: And how did you judge me?

 

gf: I am kidding right now, but. I have been with someone for 5 years, I mean it was that first, serious, long-term relationship, then 2 years single and thenn 14 months ago I met someone (me) and it is fun. All my prejudices, judgments are not that important now

 

gf: How did I judge you? No prejudices. I dont do have prejudices about nice/kind people until they aggravate me

 

him: that is not gonna happen in my case . Drink tomorrow? There is many things you need to explain me

 

gf: How about tommorrow afternoon?

 

him: few hours later. So I wont make it tomorrow, have to leave the town.

 

gf: I almost forgot how does it feel to get dumped. But of course no worries (note: I really dont her reply here)

 

him: nooo I would really like to go but I cant

 

gf: I understand, usually I am also very busy

 

him: yes . And you really arent available next week?

 

gf: I really have a plans for every night. It sounds horrible right?

 

him: well, you are very desired girl . I understand this

 

gf:

 

gf: let me know when you have a time a week later

 

him: ok

 

gf: Good night

 

him: good night

Edited September 21, 2016 by Andre101

[Scarlett.O'hara]

The only thing I am certain of from reading there conversation is that this guy absolutely wants more than friendship from her. The way he tries to get her to talk badly about your relationship then changes the subject when she says something positive, making it about himself. The flattery is so obvious. I've seen this behavior before. He is a creep!

 

It sounded like she was trying to some set some subtle boundaries but the guy wasn't going to give up. The truth is she is probably just flattered by the attention, but it is a risky game she is playing being his friend. It can turn into emotional cheating very easily. Hopefully she will realize this on her own and back off.

 

It is up to you how to proceed, but I think at the very least it is worth talking to her about boundaries with other male/female friends and what you both want and expect from each other.

 

Unfortunately if she is going to cheat you can't stop it from happening, you just have to trust that she will go the right thing. Now would be the perfect time to increase the romance, keep working on your relationship and keep communicating.

 

I hope it works out.

[Andre101]

The only thing I am certain of from reading there conversation is that this guy absolutely wants more than friendship from her. The way he tries to get her to talk badly about your relationship then changes the subject when she says something positive, making it about himself. The flattery is so obvious. I've seen this behavior before. He is a creep!

 

It sounded like she was trying to some set some subtle boundaries but the guy wasn't going to give up. The truth is she is probably just flattered by the attention, but it is a risky game she is playing being his friend. It can turn into emotional cheating very easily. Hopefully she will realize this on her own and back off.

 

Thank you for your reply. I am glad you see it the same way. And I believe, this is the main reason why I am so upset about it. I mean I cannot understand why she should still want to see him after this and there are only two possible answers for me: a) she is naive b) she feels attracted and wants to know him more. The problem is that if I confront her with the messages I read it is going to be me who will look like a creep, not him :/

Edited September 21, 2016 by Andre101

[CarrieT]

there are only two possible answers for me: a) she is naive b) she feels attracted and wants to know him more.

I think there is a certain level of naïveté that is enabling her to believe she can have a basic friendship with someone. Look, she mentioned you and your relationship, but he is obviously pushing to c*ck-block you and wrangle some face-time with her.

 

If you trust her and your relationship, than continue to watch the situation and let her make her own decisions. If she is that easily swayed by another guy, than your relationship isn't on as strong a foundation as you believe.

 

I would say give her some rope and see if she hangs herself...

[sunking101]

It seems like your girlfriend is handling this just fine. Yes he's coming onto her but she mentioned having a boyfriend and said that it's getting serious. I saw no flirting from her. Relax.

[stillafool]

Oh yeah, he's hot for your girl alright, but she was giving him nothing the way I read it.

[stillafool]

Thank you for your reply. I am glad you see it the same way. And I believe, this is the main reason why I am so upset about it. I mean I cannot understand why she should still want to see him after this and there are only two possible answers for me: a) she is naive b) she feels attracted and wants to know him more. The problem is that if I confront her with the messages I read it is going to be me who will look like a creep, not him :/

 

What does this guy look like?

[jen1447]

Do they really use all those smilies?

 

Discussing your BF w somebody usually means you want to keep them at arm's length. If she was trying to get with him you wouldn't even be mentioned.

[Poutrew]

Keep reading those messages. Unfortunately, you have read this right - if you tell her how you know this stuff, she will feel violated and angry at you. You will be the insecure creep, and he will be there to comfort her... plus, she will lock down her phone and there goes your only source of information. The time to confront is when her being angry at you is outweighed by the fact that they are hooking up. At that point you will have nothing to loose, because you will already have lost her and you are just dotting the final I's and crossing the last T's on the relationship, and getting closure so you can move on... remember, you can't stop her from cheating. All you can do is determine how you will handle it when it happens. Sorry for being so gloomy...

Edited September 21, 2016 by Poutrew

[Andre101]

Keep reading those messages. Unfortunately, you have read this right - if you tell her how you know this stuff, she will feel violated and angry at you. You will be the insecure creep, and he will be there to comfort her... plus, she will lock down her phone and there goes your only source of information. The time to confront is when her being angry at you is outweighed by the fact that they are hooking up. At that point you will have nothing to loose, because you will already have lost her and you are just dotting the final I's and crossing the last T's on the relationship, and getting closure so you can move on... remember, you can't stop her from cheating. All you can do is determine how you will handle it when it happens. Sorry for being so gloomy...

 

So you feel like it is a beginning of something?

[doyathinkso]

More than likely.

[Space Ritual]

Sounds like a bad movie script.

 

People working together, sending messages, getting together after hours, then...you know the drill.

 

As has been stated before you can not stop someone from cheating if they want to.

 

She seems very flattered by this guys words. She mentioned you, yes, but sounds more like she was testing him wondering if when she mentioned you he would stop hitting on her. He didn't and she seemed to approve, and that spells bad news.

 

Your best bet right now is to sit back and observe her actions. And by all means never let on you went through her phone. if she is going to cheat she will probably be stupid enough to keep some evidence of it n her phone.

[Patrice]

mentioned you. She may be trying to be polite. I can be on the naive side, and I have had to learn, that some guys misinterpret being friendly with being interested. Keep an eye on it, buy I wouldn't say anything. I seriously don't think anything has started.

[Space Ritual]

So you feel like it is a beginning of something?

 

Peruse the forum if you don't believe us.

 

Again, she didn't seem to be put off by him not stopping hitting on her when she mentioned you, so you can glean a bit from that.

 

Look,

 

You have only been in this relationship a little over a year. That's not a lot of time. Life is too short. So watch her actions in the near future. Do you two live together? If not, that's a whole different animal

[Davey L]

That's the kind of conversation I might have had when I was younger with a girl if I wanted to boink her, and the responses she gave would have made me think maybe I had a chance. She didn't shut it down straight away. She played it cool enough to leave her conscience clear but still managed to leave him an opening. It keeps her options open while still allowing herself to feel she was "good".

[Darren Steez]

Thank you for your reply. I am glad you see it the same way. And I believe, this is the main reason why I am so upset about it. I mean I cannot understand why she should still want to see him after this and there are only two possible answers for me: a) she is naive b) she feels attracted and wants to know him more. The problem is that if I confront her with the messages I read it is going to be me who will look like a creep, not him :/

 

How about this answer, she's not naive, maybe she's attracted to him, maybe she's disgusted by him.

 

Is she a smart girl, fairly intelligent..yes? Ok.

 

Girls get hit on all the time. They've seen guys come at them with every single line, every come on, every tactic. A girl knows when she getting chatted up. This guy is as clumsy as a drunk ox in china plate shop. But she's allowing him to game her, she's faking coy, all the while planning to go out and have drinks with him and more than likely not telling you.

 

But it's not even this guy I'd be worried about, it's her, this guy wants to bang and couldn't make it more obvious. There's zero nativity here, but what you have here is a relationship killer

Why?

 

Because you'll question her about this. She'll play it off like their friends and why are you being jealous. You might forgive but you'll never trust her fully again, every time her phone receives a message or you send a text/call and she doesn't reply immediately. Meanwhile the weed grows, affecting trust.

 

My friend the question is, is she respecting you by flirting with another man when you've probably given her your heart. The answer is no.

 

You can't make someone respect you, especially since another man wants to bone your lady and he's talking you down.

 

Continue to monitor and keep your mouth shut. Do not confront. She does go for that drink, simply show up at the place and dump her in front of him.

 

Respect.

[Zahara]

I think she's smart enough to know what he's up to -- I don't think she's flirting back but I do think that she is liking and is open to the attention and has some level of curiosity. Mentioning you or the relationship doesn't implement a significant enough boundary -- shutting it down would be the right thing to do -- especially when she can sense what he is up to.

[Omei]

Keep reading those messages. Unfortunately, you have read this right - if you tell her how you know this stuff, she will feel violated and angry at you. You will be the insecure creep, and he will be there to comfort her... plus, she will lock down her phone and there goes your only source of information. The time to confront is when her being angry at you is outweighed by the fact that they are hooking up. At that point you will have nothing to loose, because you will already have lost her and you are just dotting the final I's and crossing the last T's on the relationship, and getting closure so you can move on... remember, you can't stop her from cheating. All you can do is determine how you will handle it when it happens. Sorry for being so gloomy...

 

Good advice

[stillafool]

OP, have you seen this guy? Is he good looking?

[road]

She likes him/attention.

 

 

She knows he wants into her pants.

 

 

She is setting the hook, benignly downgrades you, for now, setting him up to knock you/ her relationship with you.

 

 

He is taking the bait and she is taking his bait.

 

 

Whether you catch them having drinks, or call her on it just before she goes to meet him neither way is better. For she has shown that she is not trust worthy and the trust will never be restored.

 

 

The email/text you posted is not a professional correspondence. It was an excuse to flirt and feel her out for any weakness to exploit by the OM. Personal info being shared is not professional business. It is monkey business with the option to date her.

 

 

There is no reason to go out for drinks with a co worker.

[stillafool]

It also seemed quite clear this guy doesn't respect your relationship whatsoever so he will push harder (chase) and she may be attracted to that.

[lolablue17]

100% he is into her, and 100% she is not closing the door. On the contrary, she makes sure he'll think he has a chance. But it doesn't mean that it is a beginning of something or she's going to cheat. So, you probably ask why is she behaving like this?

 

Girls like make attention, that's a fact. Girls also like males to think they are attractive. Some girls I know has this instinct to give almost every guy the feeling that he has the chance. Not because they really want him, but why not maintaining fans?

 

The other reason, is many girls use their sex appeal in their business. It surely helps, especially if she organizes events, sex appeal is crucial to success.

 

Yes, I think you're a jealous guy (I'm exactly like you). And you're not going to have easy life with a very attractive gf who works in the events industry. Don't shut her down. If you can't handle it, she's not for you. .

[h0000]

OMG such a boring conversation they had...

if it wasn't for sex, I would not have continued talking so boring like this.

 

 

and who puts smiley face after every sentence?

 

 

Of course they want to get into each others pants.

[Friskyone4u]

This guy is after your girlfriend and she likes the attention.

 

And did I miss something, but your girlfriend did not TELL YOU SHE PLANS ON GOING OUT WITH THIS GUY . You found it on her phone. So her mentioning you means nothing. If fact, the fact that she is still agreeing to meet him after mentioning you says clearly that she wants to.

 

How about her saying I'll meet you but my boyfriend is coming with me????

 

If you have access to that phone you should not say anything and see what she tells you on the night she is meeting him. My bet is she will NOT tell you she is going out alone with another man. That is all you need to know

[bubbaganoosh]

How do you think your girlfriend would handle this if you were the one contacting a female co worker and meeting up for drinks?

 

Do you think she would just let it slide or not? I got a feeling that she wouldn't be a happy camper and she would bend your ear over it.

 

If it's me and I had this information, I would wait until the day she is supposed to meet with him and if she tells you that she stopped with her girlfriends or with a group of friends to have a drink when you know that it wasn't true then you let her know that she put her foot in her mouth and call her on it.

 

After that it's up to you if you want to be with someone who broke the bonds of trust. Honestly she shouldn't be meeting with this guy if you two are in a serious relationship.