meAfterYou Posted September 21, 2016 Posted September 21, 2016 Hello everyone, I'm new to this forum and I'd like to share my story with you since I am unable to make head out of it. I dated this guy for quite a long time. I was pretty scared at first when I met him because I was hurt before and he really made an effort to convince me that he's not gonna hurt me. I trusted him and I fell in love with him. Our relationship was great. We could talk about anything and he made future plans with me, telling me that I was the perfect and only woman for him. He has his own business and sometimes he was really caught up in his job but I never stressed him about it. I told him that I was going to support him, no matter what. So after a while he had to go on a trip with his parents, but he told me one day before he actually left, although he already knew it a few days before that. When he came back we have seen each other twice in three weeks, because he had so much work. I was supportive but I asked him if we could see each other, even if it was for 5 minutes. He told me he needed time to think about us. Three days after that he broke up with me, saying he could not give me the time that I deserved. The worst: he broke up via text... I tried to talk with him in person but he never showed up. I asked a friend of his what the matter was and he told me that he is really into me but it's too much for him right now and he can't be in a relationship. We decided to stay friends, which was pretty stupid I guess because with every text of him I still had hope we could work things out. Even though he said he could not give me enough time, he still seems to have time to go out with his buddies.... Last week I told him I could not be friends with him, that it really hurts me. He seemed fine with it.... How could he possibly go so cold when he said I was the one for him?? I still don't get it... Can anybody explain?? I feel numb and I miss him every day. But i think I do not deserve this kind of treatment... Am I stupid for hoping that he will come back? Thanks for reading this... 1
Frozensushi Posted September 21, 2016 Posted September 21, 2016 Even though he said he could not give me enough time, he still seems to have time to go out with his buddies.... Last week I told him I could not be friends with him, that it really hurts me. He seemed fine with it.... I think he's made it his intentions perfectly clear. I recently learned that after the honeymoon phase things can change dramatically with people in relationships. Those intense emotions you both had in the beginning eventually fizzled out. When the smoke cleared, he realized that he just wasn't into you. When I realized the truth behind this logic, it gave me a serious emotional pang. It's something I chose not to see during my relationship. This caused me a lot of stress, pain, and anxiety in the end because I was trying constantly fix something that could never be repaired. Therefore, I was always in continuous pain. You should re-evaluate your relationship with this man. I don't think staying friends is going to bring you joy, but the opposite.
Author meAfterYou Posted September 21, 2016 Author Posted September 21, 2016 Hi Frozenshushi, thanks for the reply... I thought about that too, but he still tells his friends that he is into me... And after he broke up he told me the same thing a few times. Is he a liar? 1
Frozensushi Posted September 21, 2016 Posted September 21, 2016 Hi Frozenshushi, thanks for the reply... I thought about that too, but he still tells his friends that he is into me... And after he broke up he told me the same thing a few times. Is he a liar? You mean the friends he has time for but not you? He couldn't even spare 5 minutes of his precious time for you. Doesn't sound like he's really that "into you". He's just stringing you along, feeding you breadcrumbs. That's all.
Author meAfterYou Posted September 21, 2016 Author Posted September 21, 2016 You mean the friends he has time for but not you? He couldn't even spare 5 minutes of his precious time for you. Doesn't sound like he's really that "into you". He's just stringing you along, feeding you breadcrumbs. That's all. Yeah I guess you are right... I know I should move on. It's just hard not having closure at all. I also think he's immature for breaking up via text... I mean he is 27 years old after all. I am 23 and I would not dare to break up via text. It's just something you do face to face.
smudge21 Posted September 21, 2016 Posted September 21, 2016 Whatever his reasons for ending this, you have to accept it's done and step away from keeping him in your life. You're holding onto hope and the fantasy of him coming back, but would you really want this "man" back - the guy who dumps you by text saying he hasn't got time for you yet has plenty for his mates. Seriously? I reckon you can do so much better and you're only young, so go explore instead of hanging around in his disrespectful little bubble. It hurts when someone we love suddenly turns out to be someone totally different and it can take a long time to accept who they really are. Forget closure, you got that from a single text - it told you all you need to know about him. Move on and upgrade to someone better. 2
Toodaloo Posted September 21, 2016 Posted September 21, 2016 Sounds to me as though he felt you got a bit clingy and he was fed up of putting in the effort to reassure you. Sometimes people just want to enjoy being in a relationship and getting to know someone. When you get all emotional and "deep" it gets tedious. It gets boring and becomes really hard work. You need to get over the past hurts and get on with life. Not take it out on the next guy. Suggest you take time out to yourself to do that this time. I also get the feeling that "quite some time" is actually not all that long. I am guessing a couple of months? In which case text is fine. All this about him still liking you etc... That is to spare your feelings. He doesn't want to bad mouth you. So be grateful for that. Quit being the victim and start taking responsibility for your emotions - it can be empowering. I don't think he was all that into you when it came to an end so leave him alone. 1
Liliana25 Posted September 23, 2016 Posted September 23, 2016 Sorry this happened to you. I feel for you, I am going through the same thing. My boyfriend also broke up with out of the blue nearly two weeks ago. I still don't understand why because I thought we were so perfect for each other and he thought the same! He told me I was the one. I think with this guy though, you are better off without him. He doesn't make time to see you and he broke up with you via text. That is just disrespectful. Even my ex, who I now know hadn't been feeling it for a couple of months before we broke up, still made time to see me several times a week and he broke up with me in person. If you're going to break someone's heart at least have the decency to do it in person. I wish you all the best.
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