DoingItWell11 Posted September 20, 2016 Posted September 20, 2016 I've been dating this guy I met on an app for a little over 1 month. I've been traveling recently and he's kept in touch mostly while I was gone by initiating 2 out of the 3 days. He's sent short but sweet texts that he's thinking of me and was glad that I got home from my trip. We made plans to hang out later this week as we're busy earlier in the week. He called me last night to chat. We talked about our days, just general stuff and it was jokey and fine. I asked what he wanted to do later this week as we agreed for a date. He said he didn't know and I offered a suggestion he said that sounded fun and he's never been to that particular place. I like to plan and confirm details so although the date was at the end of the week I wanted to set the time and meeting place ( he knows i love to plan). I asked if x time at x place would work. He kept saying nooo nooo noo. Drawing it out in a sing song voice. So i said ok... and repeated the time. He said "i'm saying no but you're not listening". I said well I know you're only doing this to annoy me, but what time works for you? He started laughing and said that the time and meeting place I suggested worked for him. We then started talking about something else. He knew I had a class that night that I had to get to and he asked me to send him a picture of myself (nothing dirty just a regular picture/face). He said I only send snaps and he wanted a real pic. I sent him one after we got off the phone (he reminded me again to send before we hung up). He responded to it saying he liked it. When I got to my class I texted him something funny that happened. He responded a few hours later asking a few questions about it. I replied answering his questions and then added that my class was great because of xyz... and he did not respond. I didn't think much of it as it was pretty late and I just went to bed. We didn't text all the following day. When I got out of work I called and it went to voicemail. I didn't leave a message or send a text after that. I just plan on waiting and seeing what happens. Is this a red flag that he didn't pick up my call? In all fairness it hasn't been an hour yet since I called. I have another class this evening which he knows about, so I wanted to call on the early side as I will be busy later. We both agreed we prefer calls to texting. Should I be concerned or am I over reacting? Best to just sit on my hands from here on out and not call or text? I don't think i've been over doing it as he is the one who called me last night, and told me to text a real picture (again nothing dirty).
Versacehottie Posted September 20, 2016 Posted September 20, 2016 Relax. i got anxious just reading your post so sure he feels it too. You can't need that much reassurance, can you? I think perhaps you just like to "plan" so you can push. Anyway, good luck.
Author DoingItWell11 Posted September 20, 2016 Author Posted September 20, 2016 I get anxious bc of things he says. Like possibly moving soon or he doesn't know if we have the same values (when I think we do). He dropped a lot of bombs like this recently and it has thrown me for a loop
Versacehottie Posted September 20, 2016 Posted September 20, 2016 I get anxious bc of things he says. Like possibly moving soon or he doesn't know if we have the same values (when I think we do). He dropped a lot of bombs like this recently and it has thrown me for a loop Yeah well you would be smart to pay attention to that and not to act even more anxious and needy because of it. If he says stuff that you feel are bombs (not sure that they are or if you just perceive that way due to your need for reassurance and to be in full blown relationship), then pull back or address them in a confident way. Don't push for more reassurance. What were the bombs? I think it's safe to say that your pace isn't matching his. That doesn't mean he is a sh*t or not into you. But if you are pushing you make yourself seem unattractive and he feels like he can't live up to your expectations. Don't try to sell him on you or a relationship with you--let it be the other way around. Idk, it's been a month and you've been gone a chunk of time within that. I don't think he's wrong about his pace. What's the hurry? 1
Author DoingItWell11 Posted September 20, 2016 Author Posted September 20, 2016 (edited) He's the one that talks about the future in the sense of "do you think opposites attract? I think we are very different". things like "I like you enough to keep seeing you, but idk if our values match" I would much rather he stop talking about that we we enjoy the "now". But I feel like he has me pegged as a "no for long term". It just makes me anxious as I do like him and think we are a good match. He knows how to push my buttons too and seems to find enjoyment in this. Should I not have called tonight? He called me last night so i didn't see anything wrong with it. I also feel as though I have pulled back. Yesterday (when he called) I didn't text him all day (prior to his call). I also didn't text him all day today when I normally would have. I'm not going to intiate any contact until our date though and just see what happens. Edited September 20, 2016 by DoingItWell11
Author DoingItWell11 Posted September 22, 2016 Author Posted September 22, 2016 He did end up calling me back last night and we chatted for a bit. There was a long lull in the convo where neither of us said anything and I wanted him to break the silence. He asked me what I was doing and asked if he should let me go. I told him I still have time to talk if he does. We chatted a bit more and then I told him I had to go bc my class was starting and to have a good night. He told me to enjoy and good night. The next day (today) we didn't text or call. I don't plan on initiating contact... I hope he does but it's kinda late now and idk if he will. We have a date planned for Friday. Should I text or call tomorrow? or maybe just text Friday if I don't hear from him? He's never stood me up before and he's usually early to our dates. He used to be in contact with me a bit more which is what has me a little anxious.
katiegrl Posted September 22, 2016 Posted September 22, 2016 (edited) He's the one that talks about the future in the sense of "do you think opposites attract? I think we are very different". things like "I like you enough to keep seeing you, but idk if our values match" OMG, this (bolded/underlined) is straight from Reddit.com/PUA website discussing "push/pull" to attract women, throw them off balance so they will chase. I believe they even use that same line as an example! You'd think he would at least be able to come up with his own original lines, and NOT use the same examples used on the site. LOL I would toss this one back... unless you enjoy chasing and the emotional roller coaster. Edited September 22, 2016 by katiegrl 3
Gaeta Posted September 22, 2016 Posted September 22, 2016 Is this a red flag that he didn't pick up my call? In all fairness it hasn't been an hour yet since I called. I could give you a thousand reasons why he has not picked up and why he has not returned your call within an hour. Yes you are being silly. Wait it out, what will be will be.
Author DoingItWell11 Posted September 22, 2016 Author Posted September 22, 2016 OMG, this (bolded/underlined) is straight from Reddit.com/PUA website discussing "push/pull" to attract women, throw them off balance so they will chase. I believe they even use that same line as an example! You'd think he would at least be able to come up with his own original lines, and NOT use the same examples used on the site. LOL I would toss this one back... unless you enjoy chasing and the emotional roller coaster. Wow thanks katiegrl. Idk if he uses reddit but I know he does like his "tests". He admits to "fishing" for information, trying to gage my interest level first. So this definitely makes sense.
Gaeta Posted September 22, 2016 Posted September 22, 2016 So how many dates you had in a month? Is he still browsing on dating site?
Author DoingItWell11 Posted September 22, 2016 Author Posted September 22, 2016 maybe 10? We both still have the app but there's really no way to tell if he's "active" on it
katiegrl Posted September 22, 2016 Posted September 22, 2016 (edited) Wow thanks katiegrl. Idk if he uses reddit but I know he does like his "tests". He admits to "fishing" for information, trying to gage my interest level first. So this definitely makes sense. Yup, it's a way for him (and other men who play that game) to "qualify" you. Also from the PUA website. So as to assure themselves you have high interest. The goal is to throw you off a bit so you to will chase! It's essentially insecurity although you'd be damned to get them to admit that. lol And it's such a game! You up for that? I can tell you from experience, it is exhausting! lol Edited September 22, 2016 by katiegrl 3
katiegrl Posted September 22, 2016 Posted September 22, 2016 Wow thanks katiegrl. Idk if he uses reddit but I know he does like his "tests". He admits to "fishing" for information, trying to gage my interest level first. So this definitely makes sense. Well as I said that comment is straight from the website as an example... so yeah my guess is he's reading reddit. If not that would be quite a coincidence! 1
Gaeta Posted September 22, 2016 Posted September 22, 2016 Well as I said that comment is straight from the website as an example... so yeah my guess is he's reading reddit. If not that would be quite a coincidence! That's very smart of you to keep updated on those prowlers technique. I should have done that in my dating years. It would have saved me time and frustration. 1
h0000 Posted September 22, 2016 Posted September 22, 2016 Who cares if he reads reddit or not, any guy who says that is enough to put me off. Why are you interested in a guy who has doubts in you? 3
Gaeta Posted September 22, 2016 Posted September 22, 2016 maybe 10? We both still have the app but there's really no way to tell if he's "active" on it 10 dates in 1 month, wow he keeps you busy. It's about time he addresses exclusivity. Any talks of dating exclusively?
katiegrl Posted September 22, 2016 Posted September 22, 2016 (edited) OP, in case you or anyone else is wondering how this "push/pull" thing works (according to PUA), allow me to break it down. "I like you enough to keep seeing you, but idk if our values match." I like you enough to keep seeing you is a PULL. It's a nice thing to say, it indicates his interest, so it pulls you in. But then in the same sentence he says "but I don't know if our values match." That is the PUSH. It throws you off, causes you to become confused wondering how interested he actually is - so it pushes you away. These two things combined are supposed to increase your emotions, get you a bit crazy, which according to PUA women LOVE! Because according to PUA all women LOVE drama and excitement. This is all done in an effort to get you to chase them, to prove your worth and assure themselves THEY have the higher value. You should check it out, I am NOT joking around about this stuff! LOL Edited September 22, 2016 by katiegrl 1
Author DoingItWell11 Posted September 22, 2016 Author Posted September 22, 2016 OMG, this (bolded/underlined) is straight from Reddit.com/PUA website discussing "push/pull" to attract women, throw them off balance so they will chase. I believe they even use that same line as an example! You'd think he would at least be able to come up with his own original lines, and NOT use the same examples used on the site. LOL I would toss this one back... unless you enjoy chasing and the emotional roller coaster. OP, in case you or anyone else is wondering how this "push/pull" thing works (according to PUA), allow me to break it down. "I like you enough to keep seeing you, but idk if our values match." I like you enough to keep seeing you is a PULL. It's a nice thing to say, it indicates his interest, so it pulls you in. But then in the same sentence he says "but I don't know if our values match." That is the PUSH. It throws you off, causes you to become confused wondering how interested he actually is - so it pushes you away. These two things combined are supposed to increase your emotions, get you a bit crazy, which according to PUA women LOVE! Because according to PUA all women LOVE drama and excitement. This is all done in an effort to get you to chase them, to prove your worth and assure themselves THEY have the higher value. You should check it out, I am NOT joking around about this stuff! LOL Do you have a link to this? amazing.
katiegrl Posted September 22, 2016 Posted September 22, 2016 Do you have a link to this? amazing. No but google reddit.com/PUA/push/pull. You will find tons of stuff discussing it. Also check out how they "qualify" you. Same site. You said before he likes to "test" you right? To gauge your interest level? Well there ya go! It's all a game. Good luck! 1
Gaeta Posted September 22, 2016 Posted September 22, 2016 No but google reddit.com/PUA/push/pull. You will find tons of stuff discussing it. Also check out how they "qualify" you. Same site. You said before he likes to "test" you right? To gauge your interest level? Well there ya go! It's all a game. Good luck! Is this game meant to get you in bed or in a relationship? OP have you slept with him?
hippychick3 Posted September 22, 2016 Posted September 22, 2016 Who cares if he reads reddit or not, any guy who says that is enough to put me off. Why are you interested in a guy who has doubts in you? Exactly. Those remarks would be such a turnoff for me. I would not even want to continue dating someone who had doubts about me. I want someone (always have) who is so crazy about me that he is convinced we are a great match. Anything less than that is settling. 5
h0000 Posted September 22, 2016 Posted September 22, 2016 OP, in case you or anyone else is wondering how this "push/pull" thing works (according to PUA), allow me to break it down. "I like you enough to keep seeing you, but idk if our values match." I like you enough to keep seeing you is a PULL. It's a nice thing to say, it indicates his interest, so it pulls you in. But then in the same sentence he says "but I don't know if our values match." That is the PUSH. It throws you off, causes you to become confused wondering how interested he actually is - so it pushes you away. These two things combined are supposed to increase your emotions, get you a bit crazy, which according to PUA women LOVE! Because according to PUA all women LOVE drama and excitement. This is all done in an effort to get you to chase them, to prove your worth and assure themselves THEY have the higher value. You should check it out, I am NOT joking around about this stuff! LOL This definitely wont work for me. Push and Pull? if he doesn't constantly show me he's head over heels for me then I will block him and move on haha I'm not interested in chasing men 2
katiegrl Posted September 22, 2016 Posted September 22, 2016 Exactly. Those remarks would be such a turnoff for me. I would not even want to continue dating someone who had doubts about me. I want someone (always have) who is so crazy about me that he is convinced we are a great match. Anything less than that is settling. Me too!! That strategy does NOT work with me AT ALL! I have had guys try it and YES it did confuse me and throw me off, but unfortunately for them it had the opposite effect of what they hoped for, because I nexted them. I told a gal in my office what happened with one guy and she alerted me to reddit.com And oh brother the stuff I discovered on there. I nearly fell off my chair. It was exactly what two guys were doing to me.
katiegrl Posted September 22, 2016 Posted September 22, 2016 Is this game meant to get you in bed or in a relationship? OP have you slept with him? Sex first and then maybe a relationship afterwards... if they feel like it. But for them, the sex always comes first before the RL. I actually spent an entire Saturday reading that site!
Redhead14 Posted September 22, 2016 Posted September 22, 2016 maybe 10? We both still have the app but there's really no way to tell if he's "active" on it I'm not so much concerned about missed calls for an hour or a little less communication as I am with the speed, number of dates in such a short period time. Usually, when there are so many dates, so quickly, it's too fast. WHen it goes that fast, it usually burns out as quickly. If you've been seeing each other that much and communicating in between, pretty soon there's not a lot to talk about and not much reason to talk in between so it would slow down just because of that. Sit back and observe. Let him confirm next date, etc. If you're being intimate and often even this early in the "relationship", it's perfectly ok to open a conversation about exclusivity at least. Any time you feel that a new dating partner is maybe pulling away, you just sit tight and observe for a bit.
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