EC Posted July 7, 2005 Posted July 7, 2005 So I have been babysitting my aunts kids for a while and she has a girl that is 8 and a boy that is 4. Now I love children and I can't wait to have my own but now I am scared. I always thought I was really good with kids. I have been babysitting all my life..so when my aunt asked if I could be they summer camp basically for a month I jumped at the chance. Piece of cake I thought. Well I was wrong. I swore up and down I wouldnt hit my kids in the future that there were other ways around disciplining them, but after being with her kids for a month straight I get so frustrated with them that all I want to do is smack them around a couple times. I don't because they are not my kids and its scary how when I was angry with them I screamed at the boy and glanced at the mirror and I looked just like my mother. It was horrible. The little boy cried and said he didn't love me anymore and at the and of the day I stayed up all night tossing and turning about it. I get so frustrated with their fighting that I just want to lock them in their rooms so that I can breathe. I mean these are all thoughts, I would never hit them or lock them in the room lol but maaaaaaaaaaan I really want to just blow up on them sometimes and just the fact that I even thought it scares me. I dunno..I think its just experience that I dont have right now, the fact that I am not ready for kids ( after babysitting as a live in nanny for a month I know Im not ready) and the fact that they are not my kids. I just hope that one day in the future I will make a better mommy than I do camp counselor.
suegail Posted July 7, 2005 Posted July 7, 2005 It's interesting though that often people see other people's kids as 'brats' and see their own as little sweet angels. I'm sure that when you do have your own you'll love them very much, but you're absolutely right - - don't have kids until you feel you are ready.
Pyro Posted July 7, 2005 Posted July 7, 2005 Hi EC I know that watching kids is very frustrating. I use to babysit my cousins and there were days that I felt the same way as you. I think that you can ask any mom in this world and I can almost guarantee that they have had the same feelings as you about it. It is a difficult job and takes lot's of patience. Being a mom is not something that you learn before you have any kids. It is sort of a learn on the job type of thing. The experience that you are getting now will definitely help out. You will do just fine.
brashgal Posted July 7, 2005 Posted July 7, 2005 I'm sure you will be a good Mommy when the time comes - it's good that you realize you are not quite ready. All kids are different too - one thing I learned with my second child to stop the tantrums, bickering or bad behavior was the art of distraction. Get them busy doing something else and they soon forget about their fit or squabble. Takes energy and a certain amount of brain power to try to stay a step ahead of them.
quankanne Posted July 7, 2005 Posted July 7, 2005 EC, honey, you're going to do just fine. Why? because you can identify and control those upsetting feelings you're having, instead of just acting on them and just whaling little ones. Besides, you're getting in some good "mommy practice" for when you've got rugrats of your own!!! its scary how when I was angry with them I screamed at the boy and glanced at the mirror and I looked just like my mother. It was horrible. The little boy cried and said he didn't love me anymore and at the and of the day I stayed up all night tossing and turning about it. I think it's upsetting you both because you've gone from their fun cousin/playmate to an authority figure and that's never an easy adjustment. A good rule of thumb in a relationship with little kids is to let them know that even when when they're being naughty, you really don't stop loving them. And that putting them into time out doesn't mean you hate them, but that you're trying to help them take better charge of themselves so they WON'T be so naughty! Do you have a rewards system set up, sorta like how teachers do a gold-star chart and the kids get something coool or fun if they get a full panel of stars next to their name? that's a good way of teaching discipline. Also, setting aside a special treat to look forward to can be fun. My sisters boys used to love going places in my "cha-cha truck," or even just playing in it, so that worked to my advantage. The most "cool thing" we did was driving in the hills outside of where we lived, and pretending we were in a roller coaster, those boys just loved that. Of course, they were four and five at the time, but it was something they found fun. Also look online for ideas of crafty things to do with your charges, something that occupies their time and you can take charge of. "Inventing" things is fun, too, you'd be amazed at some of the things they come up with. Believe me, it's a lot easier to deal with little ones when you've got those resources on hand. last of all, get them on a schedule that includes nap time or quiet time – sometimes littler kids get too wound up and they're monsters because they're so tired but can't unwind. Books are great for quiet time. Discipline: spanking (as in swats on the hiney) sometimes seems to be the only way to get a kid to settle down, but you really won't have to resort to that if you have the time-out thing down. Tell them that the first offense is three minutes in the corner, then five minutes, then 15 minutes in their room if they're being really naughty. It seems like a short time, but to a kid, the idea of sitting still and not being able to do what they really want to do even for just a few minutes is torture, so it's a good system. so take a deep breath and tell yourself you're gonna be all right, kiddo, because you're doing stuff NOW that will help you later with your own little ones.
Author EC Posted July 7, 2005 Author Posted July 7, 2005 Thanks guys. I feel better. I think just seeing my mother in me was a scary thing. I freaked out. I don't want to be like her. Ever. I have looked online and found a bunch of things for them to do. I was surprised at how many free things there are for them to do in my city. We have had soo much fun going to free movies, and art museums, and bowling, and to the public library. Also swimming and dance/karate lessons. I keep them pretty busy. The problem is them seeing me go from fun playmate cousin to authority figure. They dont see me as an authority figure and its hard. I dont want to be the mean one you know? Im used to being the one they run too. Im also having a hard time with the young boy showing off in front of people like at stores and outings. He sees people and starts acting up to show off and wont pay any attention to me whatsoever. Its quite embarrassing!!! And he is too honest. He saw an old lady and asked why she was old and wrinkly. I freaked out. But thanks for the tips about time out. I have tried it but the young boy won't listen. He's 4 and hes in the defying authority because 'IM A BIG BOY" phase. Ugh! It irks me!!! But I love them so much. And when they do have nap time and I get to put my feet up for a while I can't help but stare at them asleep and smile. I love them so much. I am getting practice. Lots of it. But I agree I won't be having any for a while. lol
quankanne Posted July 7, 2005 Posted July 7, 2005 I dont want to be the mean one you know? Im used to being the one they run too. sounds like with all the good things you've discovered for kids in your city, you'll definitely be their favorite. four-year-olds are challenging because they're starting to come into their own, they realize their independent little people. Just try to stay on an even keel, and if you don't have the answers you need (like the old and wrinkly question), it's the perfect opportunity to teach them about how bodies change as you age. I think you're going to blow his little mind by asking him to count to the highest number he knows, then telling him that people get that age and older -- they love learning new things! maybe we need to get Merin and other mommies to step in here to share their observations, up close and personal ...
moimeme Posted July 7, 2005 Posted July 7, 2005 I get so frustrated with their fighting that I just want to lock them in their rooms so that I can breathe. I mean these are all thoughts, I would never hit them or lock them in the room lol but maaaaaaaaaaan I really want to just blow up on them sometimes and just the fact that I even thought it scares me. First of all you have to get used to the fact that they won't obey every single command. Secondly, be sure you're not issuing way too many commands. Then realize that the madder and more frustrated you get, the less chance you have of having control. If you're calm and speak calmly and slowly, you'll have a better chance of getting them back in line. You can speak firmly, but don't be shrieking or losing it yourself. If your mother was always angry, you do have to be extra vigilant. People do follow the behaviours they learned at home - often subconsciously. I have no intention of patting you on the head and saying 'you'll be fine'. You may not, which is why it's good that you brought it up. You will have to consciously change your own reactions and behaviour so you don't fly off the handle at them.
BrotherAaron Posted July 7, 2005 Posted July 7, 2005 When I read thread title, I thought "Uh oh, EC is pregnant!" Look, you're jumping into child supervision - 4 and 8 has got to be difficult, and I doubt you had the months (I mean 9 or more) of preparation and expectation a typical mother has when giving birth to a kid. You get to start with an infant, who is a handful in it's own right but in a different way, and you are the ultimate authority figure as the baby becomes a toddler and then a kid, etc. It's always hard to shift from 'friend' to 'authority figure'.
Author EC Posted July 7, 2005 Author Posted July 7, 2005 I think you're going to blow his little mind by asking him to count to the highest number he knows, then telling him that people get that age and older -- they love learning new things! Good one Q!!! I understand now that they only want to learn. At the moment he said that instead of only worrying about the embarrassment he was causing me and the anger I felt for what he told the lady I shouldve understood that he is only 4 and still learning. But now I am prepared for the next time. Hopefully that next time won't be soon. If your mother was always angry, you do have to be extra vigilant. People do follow the behaviors they learned at home - often subconsciously. I have no intention of patting you on the head and saying 'you'll be fine'. You may not, which is why it's good that you brought it up. You will have to consciously change your own reactions and behavior so you don't fly off the handle at them. I completely understand!! I constantly have to count to three when I become angry with them because I don't want to fly off the handle at them. It is very difficult because the only way that I learned was with violence and threats and so I feel sometimes thats the only way they will learn, but its not. I was raised that way because my mother raised herself and she was 18 when she had me and didn't know better. I understand that now. As for the kids they are sleeping now. They look so cute. I am taking them bowling today and then to a free movie. Then we are going to do arts and craft with little kits I bought at the dollar store. Then we are baking a cake. lol Thank you guys. I am loving all the tips. I need them!!!
fallenheart45 Posted July 7, 2005 Posted July 7, 2005 EC...Private messege me...I need to ask some advice from a girl who knows what they are talking about!
VirginiaBob Posted July 7, 2005 Posted July 7, 2005 I read a book called "the One Minute Father" that talked about an effective discipline system. It basically says that when a child does something you don't approve of, you show your displeasure with a lot of emotion (act if you must) to the point where it is very unpleasant for them. But only do this for a minute or so and then go back to normal. It is obviously more detailed than that and I haven't actually implemented it myself, so who knows.
Author EC Posted July 7, 2005 Author Posted July 7, 2005 EC...Private messege me...I need to ask some advice from a girl who knows what they are talking about! You dont have PM'S yet man??? I read a book called "the One Minute Father" that talked about an effective discipline system. It basically says that when a child does something you don't approve of, you show your displeasure with a lot of emotion (act if you must) to the point where it is very unpleasant for them. But only do this for a minute or so and then go back to normal. It is obviously more detailed than that and I haven't actually implemented it myself, so who knows. I dont understand how that would work? But either way im going to look it up. As an update the boy was very very good today. He beat all of us in bowling. lol Getting 5 strikes!!! I told him now what a great boy he was today and he responded that he was going to be good forever. Hes so cute. The we got home and he started a food fight with his sister. But hey kids will be kids. But he is doing a lot better and I think I did a great job at controlling them and myself today.
tiki Posted July 7, 2005 Posted July 7, 2005 1-2-3 Magic. My child's pediatrician recommended it and it works beautifully. Everyone involved with co-parenting MUST be on the same wavelength though. You count to three and at three, the child gets time out. I can hold up one finger and my son freezes in his tracks. I've been doing it since he was 2. EC, you'll never love a child (or anyone for that matter) the way you love your own. I promise, it's sooooo different. My son gave me a dead ladybug for a gift, and I just swoon. He 'flies' from the couch and I could care less, I love everything he does. Kids are the best, especially mine. It's just a natural thing.
quankanne Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 I can hold up one finger and my son freezes in his tracks. I've been doing it since he was 2. forgot about that one ... it was a VERY effective tool when I looked after my nephews, and even though they tried to push it, by the time I got to say "three," they shaped up!
Kat Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 Parenting is always scary business. But just remember, they people who will critise your parenting the most will be people who don't have kids of their own...OR DO and aren't in their life. Can't let the idiots get you down Parenting is SO rewarding
Merin Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 Originally posted by tiki 1-2-3 Magic. I can hold up one finger and my son freezes in his tracks. I've been doing it since he was 2. LOL My Wee Peeps know this 1-2-3 Trick except in our house it's - Ask Once - Tell the Second time - On the Third you're in troouubbllleee! and it's funny about you holding up one finger and your little dude freezes in his tracks.. I also can hold up one finger when I see my EXH and he also freezes in his tracks then looks at me like this > Hmmm.. I don't think we're holding up the same finger
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