tinytiger87 Posted September 20, 2016 Posted September 20, 2016 So I know there probably aren't any trained psychologists on here but I'm just curious if anyone has any ideas on how to deal with triggers caused by breakups. I know that you are supposed to remove anything that you can that ight remind you of said person, but what do you do about triggers that you can't control? For instance, my ex and I split up before she found out that she was pregnant with her previous ex's baby. The whole thing was a giant mess and long story short, left a lot of emotional scarring for me. I bring this up because it has been 3 months since we split, and about 7 weeks since she moved out of state and out of my life, yet whenever I see a pregnant woman, I think and worry about her. Its almost like I can picture her standing in front of me, big belly and ready to go into labor at any minute (she is only 4.5 months right now and she left before I ever had to see her start showing). Obviously, this can get very upsetting and emotional. If I'm at work, its typically all I Can do to finish up with my customer and make it off the sales floor so I can process my emotions. I have no idea how to deal with this particular trigger. Obviously I can't avoid seeing pregnant women in public. Does anyone have any ideas? I am making so much good progress everywhere else in trying to move past things, but this particular trigger is something I can't deal with. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks!
springy Posted September 20, 2016 Posted September 20, 2016 We all have triggers after breakup, many of which are unavoidable. You can deal with this one by just not going there. You see a pregnant woman don't dwell on it; don't picture your ex standing in front of you with a pregnant belly. It is in your control to avert those thoughts right when they start rather than dwelling on them. Do not decide that you can't do it...you can (with practice and determination). That's really it...it will be awhile before it won't trigger you at all. I dealt with the same thing and all I can say is that managing my thoughts along with the passing of time got me to the place where I didn't think about it anymore. No magic pill for that one I'm afraid; just determination and effort not to allow your imagination to run wild. Hang in there.
2GraceFull Posted September 21, 2016 Posted September 21, 2016 First let me say I am very sorry for your break up. She must've been very important to you and its normal to worry about her and her baby. Your trigger is like that of a woman who has lost her baby or can't have a baby. You see a pregnant woman and start to daydream about having your own or stressing because it seems everybody is pregnant I had a very bad marriage and I still have a trigger that I have to deal with everyday but I have learned to talk to myself internally. I have to say, " he is not here, your ok, stop thinking about this and think about something pleasant." Most times I succeed but if I am already down it will bring up a lot of pain. So, I would say when you see a pregnant woman, think about the woman who is going to carry your child one day, how would she look and try to guess what the sex of the baby would be. Pick out a name, etc. Don't make it about your ex, make it about your future love. Know that one day you will be happy again and be with someone that loves you as much as you love them. Make it a happy experience when you see a pregnant woman not a sad one.
DarrenB Posted September 21, 2016 Posted September 21, 2016 Sounds like a very harsh situation to have been caught up in. It's sad you had to be apart of it. I'm unsure if there is a real way to rid of 'triggers' so to speak. Reminiscing is often the cause of it (correct me if i'm wrong). Through past experience, I often use these triggers to strengthen myself entirely. It does hurt, definitely... but it is good to grieve about those certain things, think about them, have time to react about it in your own way. I feel after time, you will grow to deal with it and become more resistant to becoming so involved with these emotions and memories. I'm sure with some genuine time healing, possibly looking for a new love? may help you. It's common to want what's best for them, and on some occasions the opposite... you will have to let this go completely. When you feel you can handle the situation, that's when I would consider possibly reminiscing about the good (and bad) times with her. But for now, progress for yourself only. Not her, not anyone affiliated with her from now. Time is given to us all for many different reasons, use it wisely. Good luck
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